Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Wrap It Up, B

Tomorrow, we not only complete another year, but a whole decade. As much as I would like to do a decade in review, I'll leave that up to the journalists. I'll just stick to wrapping up 2009. This is a totally non definitive list, just freestyling. Here goes.

Obama went through is first year of presidency. He was fought on everything he tried to do. Heck the media even went after Michelle for wearing shorts. I've never been an Obama fan but I do think they went in extra on him. Hope year 2 goes a little better for him.

The economy stayed in the crapper all year. Employers laid people off left and right. Employers used the economy as an excuse to do any and everything they wanted to. Over the last few weeks, seems as if the economy is making a little bit of a rebound. I pray this recovery kicks into overdrive heading into the new year.

2009 started as the year of beating a chick down. Chris Brown lumped Rhianna up and ended up becoming a verb. Bebe Winans even got in on the act (allegedly *winks*). However, seems like women went postal and started taking dudes out. Arturo Gatti, Steve McNair, and Chris Henry....RIP.

Jeans got tighter but not for the ladies, but the fellas. Tight pants, loud shirts, and colorful sneakers became the uniform for "swag". Please for 2010 let's get rid of swag and go back to the essentials of cool.

Madoff ran off with all the cash. Stafford too. Madoff went out like a G. He said he acted alone and let his family spend the dough. My prayers go out to all the folk who lost the money in their schemes...especially the ones whose money was lost in pensions by trusted money managers.

Michael Jackson died and it sent shockwaves. Just about every generation grew up on Mike's music. I don't think we'll ever see another talent like him. The guy was a musical genius and uber talented. Through his music he will live forever. RIP to the King of Pop.

We lost a lot of people in 2009. Much love and RIP to: Brittany Murphy, Alaina Reed, Farrah Fawcett, Oral Roberts, Bea Arthur, Walter Cronkite, Patrick Swayze, Koko Taylor, Kay Yow, Billy Mays, Percy Sutton, David "Pop" Winans, as well as everyone we lost, famous or not.

Let's hand out some hardware:

Person of the year - Annise Parker - Not for becoming the first openly gay mayor of Houston, but for winning the election with tact and grace.

Album of the year - Wale - Attention Deficit

Underrated Album of the Year - (tie) Tanya Morgan - Brooklynati and Melanie Fiona - The Bridge

Movie of the Year - The Princess and the Frog (barely beats out The Hangover)

Facepalm Quote of the Year - "I don't wanna be alone. The Aloneness is so alone" - Kate Gosselin

In closing, 2009 was a great year. It had its ups and it had its downs, but overall I was pretty satisfied. I welcome not only a new year but a new decade with open arms. I welcome all the friends I am to meet. All the goals I am to accomplish. Please everyone be safe tomorrow night because I want to see you in 2010. 2009, I bid you farewell.......peace.

Monday, December 28, 2009

I Am Ignorance's Enemy

Last night I was invited by my homie to come out to a sports bar. I really didn't feel like going but my homie told me that her girlfriend's friend was gonna be there. I finally agreed to go after my homie tells me that she wants someone there to talk to. Something told me I shoulda just stayed at home.

I arrive at the spot, hop out my car, and hear "you cannot park here". Some buff African dude is telling me I can't park. Mind you I had been to church earlier and quicker than I can say amen I'm heated. I'm like dude you saw me sitting in my car for like 5 minutes then you saw me get out of my car and head towards the sports bar. Did it not occur to you to stop me before I got that far? We go back and forth for a minute and finally I'm like dude you're a tool and move my car.

I finally get parked and get inside. I spot my homie, her gal, and what appeared to be a dude. I get upclose to the table and to my chagrin it was a chick with an eyebrow piercing *welcome back 1999*(going forward we'll call her B), not a dude. I give my homie and her gal a hug and go to shake the chicks hand to introduce myself. *smack* I'm thinking to myself "hell naw". We're all sitting around chillin' watching the game. Now I love sports. I'd probably punt a puppy if it meant the Knicks winning a 'ship. I don't get ignant with it. B is all loud, running around screaming, just showing out. *facepalm*

She finally calms down a little bit. She's going on and on about how she has to drop this chick and how this other chick isn't acting right. Blah blah blah. I do alright for myself when it comes to the ladies so no hating here. However, I just felt like it was excessive. You could tell B frequents this spot because she was all over this one waitress. The waitress was mad surprise there considering how B has been acting all night. They order their food and I opt for a beer since I had already eaten. Food comes out and waitress informs us that she is closing us out because it's time for her to get off.

We pay our respective tabs and continue watching the game and chillin. By now, I'm side-eying everything B is saying. I occupy my time by tweeting ( Everyone has finished eating and put their plates to the side. All night I saw barbacks/bus boys clearing off tables so it would only be a matter of time before they made it to our table. B has something against our new waitress so every time the chick passed by all you hear is "ay baby/boo come get these plates" or she would pick up the plates and push them towards the waitress. *facepalm again*

I whisper to my homie that I am out. I couldn't take a minute more of this chick and I'm inches away from telling her about herself. I'm not saying all studs are ignorant, that's not my point. However, this one was and it gave me another episode to reference back upon. I just hate how these studs feel like they have to be so extra. So many of them are warped caricatures of dudes. I loathe that because of how I dress I get lumped into that label. Meh. Peace.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Twas the Night Before Christmas......

It's amazing how fast time flies. I promise it feels like my birthday was last week. Still trying to wrap my head around it being Christmas Eve. Anywho, time keeps on ticking. I'm far from a holiday type person but I figured I'd churn out a blog anyway. Yes, that sound you hear is my my Whoheart growing.

I decided that I will be less of a Scrooge this year. Instead of booing and hissing the mere mention of Christmas, I will simply say "meh". LOL. In all seriousness, I wish everyone a blessed Christmas. Let us be thankful for the Gift.....which is Jesus Christ. God gave us the ultimate gift and we should be appreciative. However, there is no shame in eating, drinking, and being know all that jazz. The holidays are for being around the people that love us and fellowship. So even if it's just for one day.....pick up the phone and reach out and show some love.

In short, I wish everyone all the joy your heart can stand. I pray that everyone doesn't get so wrapped up in getting what they want that they forget to want what they have. I said that to say this......MERRY CHRISTMAS! I miss you Mommy and I love you. Peace.

Monday, December 21, 2009

WTF Chronicles Volume 2: It's Like That?

For the last few weeks or so, my homie has been dating this chick. In typical lezzie fashion, they are head over heels in love. She brought the chick over to my house a couple weeks ago so that I could meet her. I thought the chick was nice and cool, that's it. We all sat around and chit chatted for a minute. The chick ends up telling me how shocked she is that I'm single and how she should hook me up because someone like me "shouldn't go to waste".

Fast forward to yesterday, my homie asks do I wanna go to out for a late lunch and to the mall with them. Since I was already out in that area for church, I decided that I would go. We're at dinner having a good time. Everything is copacetic from what I can tell. Move on to the mall, everything is still going chill. As we're getting ready to leave the mall, my homie says she wants to go look at some shoes. Her girl is like cool, I'm gonna go sit down. I had already started towards the chairs.

The chick and I are just sitting there. My homie is view browsing the shoes. A few minutes pass and I no longer see the homie. Some more time elapses. The chick calls my homie and the homie says she went to another department and she'll be back in a minute. I decide to ask the chick about a situation that has been going on. 1. to make conversation and 2. because I really wanted another opinion. So we're chit chatting for a while still no return of the homie. The chick is like let's go see if we can find her. We ended up locating my homie but you can tell that the homie's whole demeanor had changed. I kinda shrugged it off because we had been at the mall for a minute, so I figured she may have just been spent.

We finally leave the mall and get my to my homie's spot. I had to go inside to get some stuff I had put in the fridge. Still nothing but silence from the homie. I grab myself and head towards the door. Nothing. Before I open the door I ask her is she cool. She says I'm good. Usually we dap up or something...nothing. I say peace. She's like bye. And that's it.

Let me go on record saying I have no interest in my homie's girlfriend. The chick is nice but that's it. Yeah, I'm hella charming. Not tooting my own's true. Yeah, I've dug on chicks who had mates. It happens. One thing I've never done is go after a homie's girl or even someone by homie may be crushin' on. There's a code and I respect that code.

Why must lezzies be so insecure? Why do they feel so threatened? I'm a heck of a catch, but if you girl says she's into you, until she does something to show you otherwise, why not accept her word? If your homie has never snaked you before, why would you think she would start now? I just don't get it. I guess it's like that. *shrugs* Peace.

Monday, December 14, 2009

The WTF Chronicles Volume 1

Personally, I think my life is pretty dull. I work. I hang out. I relax. Seems pretty routine right? After talking with my homie, I've come to realize that my life isn't as dull as I would like it to be. She tossed around an idea for a series of blogs. So here it first installment of the WTF Chronicles.

Let's start with a backstory so that this episode will make sense. People who know me in real life already are in the loop about this; however, I have readers who only know me as words. The uber condensed version. Girl meets girl. Girl becomes best friends with girl. Girl becomes more than friends with girl. Girl finds out girl wants to be friends again. Girl tries to be friends with girl. Girl ends up being girl's "girlfriend". Girl gets the boot from girl. You following? LOL.

Last week I get an email from, umm let's call her C. C and I haven't spoken in months. C's purpose for emailing me is that her parents want my mailing address. That's cool. I reply with a simple I hope all is well and my address. Nothing extra. Back in the day I woulda gotten my Keith Sweat on and begged her until the sun went down and came back up again. Thank God for deliverance. I'm thinking that's it, mission accomplished until yesterday when the phone rang.

I kinda sorta recognized the phone number. Lo and behold, it's C's mother. We chat it up for a minute and exchange pleasantries. "I was calling to get your address. I want to send you a Christmas card". I guffaw to myself because C claimed her parents wanted my address. If I give you my address in an email, you can A. forward the email or 2. tell it to your mom when you talk to her. I gladly oblige thinking that would end the convo. I like C's mom, really like her and I feel the feeling is mutual. She goes on about how she hates I didn't get a chance to visit her during Thanksgiving. She tells me how she's been asking C about me and asking why doesn't she ever hear me in the background when she talks to C.

By now I'm starting to get uncomfortable because I don't want to lie to her. She goes on to tell me about stuff that I have no clue how C would know unless she's been pumping her bro for information. Again, I guffaw. Finally, I tell her that C and I don't really talk because we had a differing of opinions that led to a disagreement. C's mom is kinda taken aback by what I said. She tells me how much she hates that and how stubborn C can be. I find out that C's mom isn't fond of her new "friend"; she even had trouble remembering the girls name. Again, I guffawed.

She lets me know how I can always call her or when in town I can come and stay as long as I like. She also tells me that she knows C will come around and we can be cool again. For a woman who is far from joining PFLAG, I felt that if C would sack up and come out to her mother, C's life would be better for it. However, that is a journey that C must embark on when she is ready.

The mom goes on to tell me she loves me and to keep in touch. I got off the phone feeling like that ex that your mom likes so much but you don't feel the same way. The woman was clearly hurt about this whole situation. It makes me want to try harder to reach out to C, but I won't. I've done all I can to get through to C. At this point, any reconciliation will require effort on her part.......not mine.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

The Great Ghey Witch Hunt

Compared to other places in the world, American gheys have it pretty easy. They bellyache about not being able to get married. However, for the most part you can practice your homosexuality without being trifled with. Not the case in some countries, especially certain African and Middle Eastern ones.

Not sure if you have been keeping up with what's going on in Uganda. Just in case you haven't, I'll breeze over it really quickly. The Ugandan parliament has a bill on the table that impose the death penalty for "active" homosexuals who have HIV. Also, friends and family of gays could be imprisoned for not reporting their gay friends/family to authorities. Heck, you don't even have to be friends with a gay person. They find out you rented an apartment to a gay......Go To Jail Do Not Collect $200.

I like how the bill is supposed to be a HIV/AIDS bill, but all the quotes are about gays. We all know about teh turrible gheys here in the US that want nothing more than to recruit young children into their lifestyle. I think they're opening a Gay Recruitment center right next to the Army Recruitment Center, Starbucks, and the Adult Video store. The Ugandan government may as well just come out(no pun intended) with the truth and say "hey, we wanna kill anyone who is gay.....especially males". Don't put it under the guise of you're trying to protect the public.

This is wrong on so many levels. Let's just take out the whole yanno Human Rights issue for a second. You can prove someone has HIV with scientific tests....How can you prove someone is gay without visual/audio evidence? You could ask me am I gay but all I have to do is say no. Are they gonna have a panel of gay experts and/or "ex-homosexuals" to judge you? I can see the panel now "so umm Mr. do you feel about Beyonce, Janet Jackson, and Cher?" C'mon really?

If this bill passes, I can see it eventually turning out like the Salem Witch Hunts. We all know how good that went right? I can see Ugandan police being tied up with countless of claims of homosexuality. A woman side eyes you at the market? Call the cops up and tell them she has a picture of Ellen on her wall. Watch as the woman is dragged from her home and humiliated. The guy at the bus stop didn't apologize for stepping on your foot. Call up the laws and say you saw a man enjoying a banana a little too much. That will fix him.

I find it funny (faux paux not haha) that a country that has other problems to deal with is wasting so much time, MONEY, and energy on such a a bill. I like how homosexuality is one of the biggest political distractions. "Oh noes! The economy is in the tank! What do we do? I know. Let's pick on the gheys and get everyone riled up and not thinking about our REAL problems!" I really wish people would smarten up and realize this trick when they see it. Peace.

Got link? edit:

Monday, December 7, 2009

You've Died In My Heart

I haven't really had much to blog about as of late (read: unmotivated). I was browsing the Myspace page and came across one of my old blogs. This joint was mad painful to write and it's actually kinda hard to read. However, I decided I would share it with the world. Peace.

I can open my eyes and not want you laying next to me. A while back I couldn't do that.
You can touch me and I don't feel shit. A while back I couldn't do that.
You walk into the room wearing your baddest outfit and all I can think about is did I turn my oven off. A while back I couldn't do that.
I can't even shed a tear for you and nor do I want to. A while back I couldn't do that.

I can see your mouth moving but I hear nothing. A while back I couldn't do that.
You could send me a million texts and I would wish the cell phone tower would fall. A while back I couldn't do that.
You could promise me the world and all I would want is for you not to be in it. A while back I couldn't do that.
I used to love getting lost in your eyes but now I want them looking in another direction. A while back I couldn't do that.

I'm not saying that I'm perfect for you. A while back I couldn't do that.
I'm not saying that I want to build with you. A while back I couldn't do that.

You've died in my go ahead and live in her arms.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

You're In What?

A homie of mine has been dating this chick for about a week now. In this short 7 day span, I love you has already been said. I scratched my head completely dumbfounded. A lot of things can be accomplished in 7 days (the Earth for one even though technically God handled that in 6), but falling in love? Miss me with that one.

By no means am I hating, if she likes it I love it. Conventional wisdom tells us that it not possible to have that strong of feelings for someone that we haven't known long. Is conventional wisdom right? Is there a certain amount of time that has to pass in order for love to be "valid"? People lie and misrepresent themselves all day long. I'm sure somewhere there a woman who just found out her dude has a family on the side and he used to be a woman.

Personally, I just don't see it happening. I don't care how much time you spend in those 168's just not plausible. You may love being around that person but I highly doubt you love that person. What is it with lezzies that make them fall so hard so fast? Quite a few times I've been told I move slow. Damn right. If you can't get with it, then kick rocks. Too many chicks out there running on pure emotion. No logic. No foundation. No understanding of themselves or the person they're with.

Love can be a drug to some. You ever wonder how an addict stays addicted? They chase that initial high. They want that feeling again. They smoke, snort, inject, pop, thinking they're gonna feel what they felt that first time. That's what I think some of these chicks do. They chase that feeling of euphoria. They always want to feel those butterflies and fireworks. And the minute they don't feel those things to the next drug. I'm not saying that in a healthy relationship you don't light up at the sight of your mate or you can't hear music everytime they kiss you.

I used to wonder sometimes why my friends kept a chick. I saw them date woman after woman. They didn't have to spit any game. Seemed like a woman would just fall in their laps. I would call and they wouldn't answer or would be distracted waiting on their girl to call. I would hear about wonderful dates and spooning and all that other stuff. A friend of mine told me it was because they are/date average chicks. Doesn't take much to land an average chick. They come. They go. Bad apples fall. Good apples have to be picked. Peace.

Monday, November 30, 2009

So This Is What It Has Become?

Over the holiday break, I ventured to the WHA to visit my family and friends. Going back home over the last few years has been bittersweet. It's hard going there knowing that my mother is gone. It's hard going there and feeling the depression and despair that seems to loom over the town. It's sweet seeing my pops, my babies, and the occasional homie that happens to be in town.

I thank my parents so much for wanting better for us. Instead of buying us the latest Js, they bought us encyclopedias and computers. Whilst WHA was their home, they had much bigger aspirations for their children. I couldn't ever bring myself to dog my hometown out, I got much love for the area. The town was never a hotbed of entertainment, but now its just down right 'thetic.

I drove down the streets of my youth. I was amazed that at most times, it felt like my car was the only one on the road. I drove through neighborhoods and didn't see anyone outside, no children playing, nothing. I went in Wally World and saw a bunch of chicks with 2 and 3 children and/or visibly pregnant. Now just because I didn't see a man with them doesn't mean their is no father involved; however, playing the averages I'm sure there isn't.

There are no more than 10 gas stations in the area. One gas station had been burglarized so many times, the owner decided to shut it down. It's crazy. A store that had served the community for as long as I can remember is now a car wash (only $5.....if you're looking for a deal). I'm thinking c'mon, you gotta have gas for your car. If you run all the stations out of business then what?

Now they have the lottery in Arkansas. Worst. Idea. Ever. I went into a store and I saw a lady spend about $200 on lottery tickets and scratch offs. Poor people + dreams of getting rich quick = disaster. I'm not gonna sit up here and act holier than thou. Yeah, I'll buy a quick pick or two, but I'm not gonna spend rent money/etc on a pipe dream. I hate to call it exploitation, but if it walks like a duck....

All in all, I had a good time. I saw my babies and hung out with them. I saw a couple of the homies that I haven't seen in a grip. I got a chance to clean my moms' gravesite off and put out some fresh flowers. I will say that if my father ever leaves the area, my visits to the WHA would be few and far in between. I pray that the city gets some competent management and finds a way to thrive. Until then, I guess that's why its referred to as West Helltown. Peace.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

'Preciate That Homie

As Thanksgiving swiftly approaches, I decided to do a blog to talk about all the things I'm thankful for. Pretty self let's go. Sidenote: In no particular order.

1. My health and strength - I'm not in the best shape I can be, but thank the Lord I'm not strickened with several ailments. Definitely gotta get back on the workout plan.

2. My family - One of the forced relationships in life.....LOL. Somedays I wonder if I had the chance to pick, how would life be? Even though they drive me up the wall most days, I got mad love for them. Thank you for all your phone calls when you want something and guilt trips when I don't give it to you. For all you do.....this Bud's for you.

3. God - He has brought me a mighty long ways. I've seen some low times this year, but God was always there to pick me up, dust me off, heck He even carried me sometimes when I was too weak to walk.

4. My friends - The homies always come thru in the clutch for me. There has never been a time where I couldn't laugh, cry, vent, or bulljive. Some of ya'll are definitely gonna get your wings.

5. Being employed - My gig isn't the best but it pays American dollars. I know that a greater is coming, all I gotta do is hang in there and let God work.

6. Having my heart broken - A lesson I needed to learn. It's funny but I believe I'm more open to love now than I was before. Life is weird like that.

7. Direction and conviction - Keeps me from blowing in the breeze. I know who I am and where I want to go. I'm comfortable in my own skin and I won't let anyone make me feel otherwise.

As you sit around the table on Thanksgiving, be sure to say a little prayer of thanks. Let God know that you appreciate all He's done. Also don't eat too much to the point where you can't button your trousers. Peace.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Got My Swim Trunks and Life Jacket

Over the years, I've had a few women to entertain me, but I've never officially been in the game. Stuck my toe in the water a few times, but never jumped all the way in. After taking some real time to handle some issues and stuff, I do believe I'm ready to take that plunge. That's right folks....yours truly is getting back into the dating pool.

I was talking to a homie of mine last night and I told her about my newest journey. She asked me a pretty simple question......"what do you want?" I paused for a second and I told her......I want a girl with extensions in her hair, bamboo earrings at least 2 pair....LOL. I've never been a fan of those laundry lists. However, having an idea of who you will/won't date goes a long way in terms of saving time, effort, and energy. I've started working on this list and its tough trying to put a human being into paragraphs.

My next problem is I don't know where to meet chicks. I'm not a fan of meeting people at the club even though that is a place where you know lezzies will be. Not doubting there are a few women there, who like me, was pretty much dragged into going and would rather be somewhere quiet enjoying a vodka tonic whilst the DJ spins Wale's new album. Also, the club holla is the worst. It's loud and kinda awkward. My hearing is bad enough sometimes. You add hella decibels of Gucci Mane and I can't hear jack squat. I don't buy chicks drinks because I'm not gonna pay to talk to you. Now if we vibing, we can buy rounds, but I'm not feeding you liquor. Eff that!

I suppose that leaves establishments like bookstores, the mall, and the like. Those kind of hollas have a lower chance of working out because femmes are hard to spot. Straight women for the most part don't get tight when you holla at them. If they're not down, they are usually cordial in the shootdown. Never had a stradie get loud or disrespectul....which is a good thing. Stradies/femmes don't know how hard it to walk up to a perfect stranger and try to make something happen out of thin air. It's rough.....for real.

I'm not doing this because I hear some imaginary clock going off in my head. I'm doing this because I feel as if I'm ready. I've spent a long time trying to be this playa type and it got me nowhere. It wasn't fulfilling. Ducking and dodging leaving stuff "undefined" got hard. Chasing people away because I felt like they were asking for too much when in actuality they only wanted my heart. When I finally gave my heart to someone, they didn't want it to keep and cherish......they used it, abused it, and broke it into a million pieces. All things happen for a reason and I needed that heartbreak to see how it felt. It allowed me to put myself in others' shoes. It put a mirror to my face and let me see how I was living was wack. I'm a better woman for it.

In short, I'm gonna go all in on this one. I'm expanding my horizons and coming down off that high horse. I'm stepping out of my comfort zone. Jumping into the pool......I've never swam. Hopefully I won't drown......but if I do......I'm planning on a bad chick being there to give me mouth to mouth. Peace.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

I'm a Gleek and Proud Of It

People always talk about guilty pleasures. You know, stuff they enjoy but don't want anyone else to know out of fear they will be branded "lame" "dork" "nerd" and the like. I have no guilty pleasures. I like what I like and if you don't like it.....TBN. My new favorite pleasure is Glee...a tv show that comes on Fox on Wednesdays.

I don't recall my high school having a glee club....or too many clubs for that matter. Anywho, I digress. I'm doubtful I would have joined if they did have one since I can't carry a tune in a bucket and my best dancing is done if someone is shooting at my feet. Also, I don't think I was much of a "loser" in high school. *looks into camera*

The show is set in small town Ohio which makes it somewhat relateable with me being from small town Arkansas. The show is centered on the Glee Club members and director's day to day issues. The show deals with things such as homosexuality (you gotta see Kurt's rendition of Beyonce's Single Ladies), disability, teen pregnancy, etc. I think the characters are pretty layered. Now I do not like the stereotypical sassy black chick typecast but homegirl can sang so I'll it slide. My fave characters:

Sue Slyvester (Jane Lynch)- Coach of the Cheerios (for you slow boats.....cheerleaders). This chick is completely devoid of 'ruth. She says what she wants, how she wants, and doesn't care who gets it. She hates the Glee Club with the white hot of a million suns and will stop at nothing to bring the squad down. I like how they kinda make her seem to be a lezzie but not quite.

Best quoteable: I empower my Cheerios to be champions. Do they go to college? I don't know. I don't care. Should they learn Spanish? Sure, if they wanna become gardeners and dishwashers.

Noah Puckerman aka Puck - Starts off calling the Glee club "Homo Explosion" but ends up joining after his best friend joins.......ironic much? Puck is the ultimate BA football jock with the mohawk to top it off. He's your typical "hard on the outside but a little soft on the inside". He has a mad wicked crush (there's something else but don't wanna spoil for those who haven't watched) on his best friend's gal which seems to torment him.

Rachel Berry - The interwebs seem to really dislike her but I kinda dig her character. Perhaps because I'm an ambitious, highly talented, young lady. Hehe. Rachel has big dreams of singing on Broadway and she won't let some small town grassy knollers keep her from it. I don't think she's stuck up or anything, she just can't relate to people her age or "not on her level". I know the feeling. She has a mad wicked crush on Finn. They have that "will they, won't they" thing going on.

Glee is not nearly as funny as let's say Modern Family. It can be campy at times and at others uber-dramatic. If this show can find a happy medium, I think Fox may be on to something. The most awesome thing about the show is the music. All the cast can really sing (from what I hear) and they do a wonderful job. So good that I went out and got the soundtrack. So if you're channel surfing on a Wednesday night....give Glee a go. Or if you're interwebs surfing......slide over to and check out some eps. Peace.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Freestyle Friday

* Yesterday I had the privilege of seeing a man walk up to a drive thru window. Clearly he didn't give a flip so why should I? What made it even cooler is that he was choppin it up with the cashier like it was nothing. I appreciate that kind of arrogance.

* Back when I dated dudes, I loved the dirty boho types. The greasier the better. Seems as if that affinity did not translate to women. Dirty boho chicks are cool if you're looking to discuss today's mathematics or need your locs retwisted. *shrugs*

* Wale's Pretty Girls is quickly becoming one of my favorite songs. I am able to look past Gucci mane and really enjoy this song. Very go-go influenced. I doubt that I would ever hear that song in a club here.

* The reason why folks making a stink over this health care thing is exclusivity. Wellington Bartholomew III does not want to be in a waiting room with Tamika from the hood. It's just that simple. Oh yeah, I think that abortions should be included in the plan. We don't want black market abortions taking over.

* I feel some kinda way about TruTV's Bait Car show. I'm sure there is enough real crime to solve in LA without having to manufacture it. Leaving an unlocked Escalade with the keys inside parked in the hood is asking for it. Message to hood unlocked Escalade with the keys inside parked in the hood......c'mon son!

* Whilst I'm not too liberal, I really enjoy reading the Huffington Post. It's a great site with a bunch of different sections to get the brain to working. It also has a comedy section to if you want a quick laugh.

* It's looking like another losing season for the Knicks. Can't say that I'm surprised. I think I've grown numb to the pain now. I would try to sell the tix I bought for the January game but I'm sure they've depreciated in value by now. I'd be lucky to recoup $15 and a scratched Blondie Christmas cd.

* What does it mean when a person stays liking people that are unavailable and/or unattainable? Ambitious or audacious? You be the judge.

There's plenty more on my mind, but I just decided to leave it at that. Peace.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Tickle Me Emo Perfectly Blended With the Marathon

I am a runner. No, not the athlete runner, but an issue runner. When faced with trouble, the body has two natural reflexes....fight or flight. I always choose the latter. It's easier to run away than to deal with things. I run from place to place thinking I've left a problem only to find it stuck to my shoe. Disclaimer: This blog may start to ramble but its only because I'm typing what comes to mind.

Last night I had a convo with someone near and dear to me. I was explaining to her that I am strongly considering leaving Houston. Of course she asks why and I tell that so many things have happened to me since I moved here. Her response: stop running. I don't think I'm running (naturally). She goes on to tell me that all the things that happened to me here would/could have happened to me anywhere.

Honestly, I don't feel that way. I was here in Houston while my mom faded away. I sometimes struggle with the fact that I wasn't there by her side the last few months of her life. Maybe it was for the best.....watching her last breath is enough to give me nightmares at least once a month. I can only imagine what it would be like had I watched her deteriorate.

That heartbreak I suffered would have happened even if I was on the moon. A wise person once told me that it hurt more because not only is she in the same city she's right down the street. I finally deleted her number and her IM. Only one more step and that's FB......I think hold off from doing that because I know that makes it finished. I'm sure its symbolic considering I do know her phone number by heart, but hey its a honest attempt. Hard to get closure with a situation with like this. Maybe that gets to me sometimes.

My ego gets the best of me sometimes. If a chick left me for Alicia Keys or Ellen Degeneres or something........I wouldn't trip. You upgraded....sweet. But if you go from me to Miss Celie or some shiz.....I'm not feeling that one. How you gonna downgrade? Man please. It shouldn't make me tight but it does. Maybe I'm vain and shallow. Perhaps that's my MO......pretty girls with issues. I wouldn't doubt that I'm the douche that I think I am. Also can't help but to feel a certain level of fail. I think of how much I herbed myself and it makes me want to hurl. That was so out of character for me. Guess Common had it right "spend so long trying to be a heartthrob it's only fair I got my heart robbed".

So why do I run? Who am I running from? I run because I'm not sure who/what I'm supposed to fight. How do you murk a ghost? Do you put him in a box and throw dirt over it? I have no clue of the opponent is. I'm not saying I'm flawless but really what is my fight?

I do know that at this moment I feel stagnant. I feel as if I'm just treading water. Even better analogy.....feels like I'm running in quicksand. The harder I run.....the faster I sink. Leaving Houston may not be the solution.....but I think it would be a great distraction. Some good things have happened to me here. I've met some wonderful people. However, all the things that swirl around me gives me a bad view of this city. So for that reason, I put my sneakers on and start stretching. Meh.

Monday, November 9, 2009

What About Your Friends......No Seriously

Today I was having a convo over IM and the statement "I can't believe you fell in love with your best friend" was made. The person who said it didn't mean any harm by it. I'm guessing it was made in puzzled amazement. We here at the Hostile Gospel are all about owning it, so here goes. I date friends and I have no issue with it.

Without getting too deep about the whole subject, yes, I had major romantic feelings for a great friend of mine. I wanted more than she wanted to give. At the moment, it has cost me her friendship. Even though it hurts that we are not on speaking terms, if I had the chance I would do it all over again. She and I had a wonderful connection. I remember talking to her for hours and the minute she hung up feeling the urge to call her right back. I recall her laying in my lap wishing I could suspend time so that I could feel like that forever. It eventually went south and I no longer have those kind of feelings for her (praise the Lord). No regrets.

Dating a friend is a huge risk that has an even bigger reward. It's not easy. People say well I wouldn't date a friend because it would ruin the friendship. I say people have fallen out and never spoken again for less. At this moment, there is someone who isn't speaking to a friend over $4.79. Friends get older, get more responsibilities, drift apart and lose touch. If I were to lose someone, I'd rather I lose them in attempts to build a beautiful, stable romantic relationship. Your friend already knows you so you get to bypass that sometimes awkward getting to know you stage. That's a bonus in itself most times.

Say you start dating a friend and it doesn't work out. I believe that if you and your friend are truly friends, then the friendship won't be ruined. You can both be mature enough to accept you two are meant to be homies and move on from it. Dating a friend requires more communication than dating someone who you had no friendship with. Both parties have to be uber honest. You don't want one party hearing wedding bells and the other is only hearing the dinner bell. In addition, I don't recommend starting a casual sexual relationship with a friend. Cutt buddy situations hardly, if ever, work out no matter how you met the person.

My main advice for dating a friend is don't go into the situation already thinking about the ending. If you're planning life after breaking up with your friend, it won't work. I know there's a lot more at stake but grab your A1 and go all in. Half hearted attempts at anything never yield positive results. Another good tip is because you know someone so well, it's easy to fall into a lull. The same way you want to excite and court someone you didn't know, do it for your friend. Don't sit around watching Family Guy all the time....go have some fun.

The moral of my story is in my humble opinion, dating a friend is all good. Please don't take that as go turn your social circle into a dating pool. I am saying that if you find a friend intriguing and the feeling is mutual, nothing wrong with giving it a shot. Love exists in places that we sometimes don't think to look.....right under our noses. Peace.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

It's Real in the Field

There are a lot of things I wouldn't wish on even my worst enemy. Loss of a loved one, dehabilitating disease, financial ruin,.....and having to date. Dating is one of the worst things out there. It sucks to no end but unless you plan on being single or getting a mail order bride, you gotta suck it up and yuck it up.

Last night, against my better judgment, I went out on a date. Bummer 0.5: well I really won't call this a total bummer because chicks are known for the angle pictures. She ended up being a little chunkier than what her pics suggested. Not gonna trip, she wasn't a beached whale or anything. Bummer 1: she lied about her age. I prefer to date chicks my age to around 4 or 5 years older than me. At "24" she was already too young for me and at 22....definitely too young for me. I know the person I was at 22 versus who I am at 27. Still trying to feel your way thru life, going to school, idealistic, not completely sure of who you are. At 22, all that is acceptable.

I managed to fight sleep and managed to chit and chat. The more she talked the more I realized this was going nowhere fast. However, I found her youthful exuberance refreshing. I remember before becoming jaded and cynical feeling some of the same things. On a worldly-er note, I did find myself intrigued by her nippoo piercings. I could see myself, if not married/civil unioned/whatever, at a later stage in life dating a much younger woman. You know, the whole mid life crisis thing.

After I got home, I laid down for a while and really reflected for a minute. Why can't I find a woman that I dig and the feeling is mutual? Is it me? Have a set a bar so high that no one could reach it? Is there anything wrong with that? Am I gunshy now after a bad experience? Why is this dating thing so difficult? I really don't think I'm asking for too much. I ask nothing of a woman that I am not myself.

Don't get me twisted, by no means am I pressed. I don't consider my life a failure because I'm single. I enjoy my life and it's only getting better. However, there is no shame in wanting someone to share my life with. No need to feel guilty or needy for wanting romantic companionship. I sincerely believe this is an area where I have matured. For the longest I believed that desiring companionship was a sign of weakness. It meant that you weren't strong enough to face life alone. Glad to see how wrong I was about that one.

Long story short, dating is hard. It befuddles me how some people let it consume their lives. They buy the books, go to the seminars, go on date after date after date, the whole nine. Maybe its because they are looking for someone to complete them. Not I said the cat. I was whole when you met me and I'll be same way if you left me. Until that woman comes along, I'll keep doing what I've been doing.....working on self and enjoying life.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Now Approaching the Friend Zone....Use Caution

"Let's just be friends", "I don't see you like that", "I like a sibling"....all major league bummers to hear. While it sucks to hear these things from someone you're digging, what you do afterwards is what matters. You can either a. stop being that person's friend (after notice) 2. fall back and really be their friend or III. agree and sit in agony hoping that one day that person will see you in another light. Option 1 says that you're willing to take just one L and keep it moving. Option 2 tends to work for people who have been friends for extended periods of time. Option 3 can put you in that abyss of wasted energies, unmet expectations, and wishful thinking. Tears, mental agony, and lunch will be provided.

Personally I don't what to make of the friend zone. Don't we all want to date someone who knows us, has our back, and cares for us? I think I have it figured out. The friend zone isn't about friendship, it's pretty much a "nice" letdown. It basically says you'll make a great mate for anyone who isn't me. I like hanging out with you but you just don't light my fire. I can accept that one.

My problem comes in with people who friend zone you but want all the perks and privileges of being your mate. I know you have a thing for me so I'll lay up with you, call you all the time, then pretend that I don't see how crushed you are when I tell you about my new piece. Basically I'll use you until something better comes along because I know you'll be there when it doesn't work out. That's selfish and cold.

So, LI, what do I do to prevent myself from getting into the friend zone? Truthfully, there's really nothing you can do. If they're not feeling you, they're just not feeling you. However, if you let your feelings be known as soon as possible, you can cut down on damage. Women are very intuitive, they know if you dig them. They may play coy when you tell them you dig them, but they know. Tell her how you're feeling and understand that no is just as much an option as yes.

If she hits you with the friend answer, it's up to you to decide how to play it. If you don't think you can handle being just a friend, tell her. Don't just fall off the face of the earth. It reeks of butthurtness and being a brat. If you think you can be her friend, then be just that. Think of a homie that you keep it really casual with and treat her just like that. I don't ever recommend option 3, maybe if both people are mature and not playing games or they were in a relationship when you told them how you felt, then maybe waiting can pay off. However, if you have a crush on someone who is immature, self absorbed, and about deep as a DOES NOT work. They will use you until there is nothing left.

Long story short, there is absolutely no shame in liking a friend. It happens all the time. Getting feelings off your chest and being completely honest can take a friendship to heights that it would have never went to if you kept it bottled in. The friend zone only really sucks when you're sitting in silence. Let it out.......and let the chips fall where they might. Peace.

Monday, November 2, 2009

36 Trips Right Flex Out On 3.......Hike!

If you don't watch football or are remotely interested in it, that title means nothing to you. It's a condensed version of a football play. A coach will call the play in to the quarterback and he will execute the best he can. No, this blog isn't about football, just setting up the story.

I've always been good at coaching. I can help you win the 'ship with no problem. But when it comes to myself, it's a whole nother story sometimes. You want to land the gal/dude......come holla at me. Being a lesbian gives me ability to see things from both pursuit angles. Makes me an even better coach. I'll give you the plays, watch you run them, and can even give you adjustments for halftime. A nice combination of Vince Lombardi and Hitch.

Now when I'm to take my headset off and go into the game, I'll fumble it at the goal line, throw an interception, or run the wrong route. Everything is easier from the sidelines. You can see that corner coming on the delayed blitz. You know the defensive end is coming around from the blind side. In the game, you're always reacting. You see that safety come up and you audible to another play.......only to find out the safety drops back in a zone and the middle linebacker comes flying in and knocks you out.

Trying to read what someone is doing is tough. It's even harder when they are disguising what they are doing. Perhaps some more hours in film study will do the trick. Or maybe I should stop over analyzing stuff and just play my style. Drop back, throw that rock, and hopes the play will be made. Peace.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Can I Hit It For Free?

I tweeted about a topic that I read on a message board. It was about ladies telling the board what they have gotten dudes to pay for. I figured purse or rent would be the most high dollar things on the list. Boy, was I in for a big surprise! A few chicks said they have had dudes buy them cars, not beat up hoopties but new or late model whips. Of course this is the interwebs and people can lie, but I'm sure at least 1 of them was telling the truth.

A wise person once said "he spends you owe" so I'm sure that most (read: 96% of the chicks) had to do SOMETHING to get this stuff. Even if dude didn't hit it, he was certainly setting up the down payment to get teh draws. These chicks took stuff knowing more than likely that was the deal. Am I knocking a chick for taking a couple months of rent? Yeah, if it's not her boyfriend/husband. If ya'll partnered up and you fall on hard times, getting a little help from your dude is okay. If you're taking gifts from some schmuck (yeah dude isn't blameless) just because.......then you might wanna re-evaluate your life.

I have no problem buying a woman something nice to show I care. I will not, however, buy you gifts for your time or set up the account to get the draws. That's straight wack. If you're just trying to hit, just say it. Don't spend all your monies in hopes that the chick gives up the ghost. Tell her from jump during your first phone conversation. If you're feeling romantic, tell her on that first date at Mickey D's. Save your time and money. Peace.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Time to Drop Some Napalm Bombs

For around the last few months, I have been having trouble with my cell phone. Not the service, just my phone. The phone around 2 years old and has been dropped on every surface known to man. I have patched this phone up with spit and lotion, super glue, and just good ol' fashioned prayer. The last couple weeks it has gotten so bad that 4 out of 10 times I have to put it on speakerphone just to be able to hear the other person. You would think a person like myself would have all the latest toys, but spending a grip on a cell phone is pointless to me. I don't talk on it much. I'm probably blowing money just by having one. I digress. Today, I broke down and decided to go buy one.

I arrive at the store and start browsing. It was hard as heck because someone up in that piece smelled like they had just gotten finished wrestling alligators. Smelled like someone had ran a 5K marathon only to slip and fall into a landfill. I was like c'mon son you coulda copped a shower before coming to the cell phone store. It's not like this is somewhere important like Big Lots or something.

The salesperson finally gets to me and asks can he help me. I tell him that I'm here to upgrade my phone. We look at a couple models that would suit me. While I like them both, one is a lot more than I want to spend a phone. We get to the register, I'm all ready to swipe and get up outta there. Dude tells me that I can't get the phone unless I sign up for a data plan. I look at him like "barrgh", okay how about I not take the discount and pay full price for the phone. He says no you have to get the data plan or you cannot get a smartphone. I've had a smartphone for a good 3 years now, never was a problem. I tell dukes thanks for his help and I'll give AT&T a call.

I return home and decide to ring up the sales department. Maybe homeboy didn't know who I am or at the very least wasn't up on his policy game. I get connected to one of the first level employees. I explain my situation to him and sip high tea whilst I wait for him to come back and tell me that I'm all set to cop my phone. He comes back with the same snagglenaggle bull-ish that the store was on. I was riding down the cool coastal highway but now I see a Boiling Point exit sign. I swerve into the right lane so I can take this exit. I pause for a second and decide I'll speak to a supervisor.

She finally gets on the phone. My spidey senses are telling me that this is gonna get ugly real quick. Once again I explain my situation. She tells me that because they've had people run up interwebs bills and dip out on them. Me in full Positive K mode "what that got to do with me". I pay my bill and have done so for the last 5 years. I politely tell her that your mobile interwebs plan costs more than my home interwebs plan. I can't even get with that, shorty. I've never been the one to play that "well I'll go just go to *insert competitor* not my style. In the middle of me telling her how bass ackwards their policy is, she cuts me off saying "I'm not gonna argue with you, is there anything else I can do for you". Eff that, I swerve across 5 lanes and take that Boiling Point exit. I went all in on her. I tell her first of all if I were arguing with you, you'd know it, toots. I know you're a lowly powerless peon but it's your job to listen to me voice my concerns. If you are not capable of handling such responsibilities you could quit and go be a monk. I decided that I would end the call before I start remembering 4 and 5 letter words.

So now it's on and poppin', I am going to call and write until I get a satisfactory response. I like having a smartphone because it has windows and other applications that regular phones do not have. I have no need for mobile interwebs. Not knocking those who have it, need it, like it, etc. It's not for me. I should not be relegated to such mature devices as the LG Neon or the Motorola Karma. What am I? Sixteen? Should I use my new Pantech Breeze to text Bobby Harris that I do want to go to Makeout Mountain with him? FOH! Lines have been drawn and I will not lose. Bring it!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

What You Say Shorty? I Can't Even Get With It.

After reading a topic on a message board, I can see why so many people are SINGLE. These long laundry lists of some the most trivial "dealbreakers" is disgusting. C'mon son! I decided that I'd blog about the best of the worst. Here goes.

Won't curse - Really? Now I love a woman who has a slight potty mouth. I think that's sexy. It's chuckle worthy when a person comes with these "kid" words to keep from cursing. So what if her F-bombs are fudge......BFD. Just don't start putting me on 7 second delay.

Wears sneakers - So you mean to tell me that if ya'll go hiking at the Grand Canyon she gotta be in some heels? You want her to go jogging in some wedge sandals? I like a chick with a mean shoe game just like the next one, but this is overkill. Whilst I'd rather you not always look like you just came from Spirit Squad practice, your comfort and arch support is more important . What if she got feet issues? Don't want sweetness in a wheelchair trying to keep me.

Over 30 and has not had an abortion or failed marriage/engagement - There is a saying around that if a "pretty" woman is over 30 and single then there must be something wrong with her. Judging by some of these dealbreakers, I have to call BS on that theory. There's a lot of trife dudes/women (however you swing) out there. It's very likely that an accomplished and attractive 30 something woman will be single in this day and age. Oh fiddlesticks!

More than 1 pet of the same species - I LOL'd when I read that. I'm like dude couldn't be serious. You mean to tell me that you'd turn down a perfectly good chick because she had TWO sea monkeys? FOH! What if she breeds dogs for a living? I've heard some stupid stuff but this one has catapulted to the top of the list.

Stuffed animals - Granted I wouldn't want a chick who was still having tea parties with her teddy bears, this one is still stupid. What if her dying granny gave her a stuffed puppy? As long as you're not introducing them to me by name or get tight when I sit them on the floor to lay down, we're good.

Fan of a certain team - The team that was used on the message board was New York Knicks. A woman who is a Knick fan would be a definite bonus. Any woman who can long suffer through these dark dark times of the franchise is a keeper. If she managed to keep it together after John Starks went 0-239733 in the 1994 NBA Finals, I would put a ring on it. The gal can definitely ride out a storm. She's mad loyal. I know if I take some L's she's gonna be riding with me. We can egg Isiah Thomas' house together. That's love.

Went to a HBCU - I don't give a flip if you went to Northwest Eastern Idaho School of Acrylics and Clownery. I wouldn't go to a HBCU, but that's just me. College is not an indicator of intelligence. As long as you got some drive, ambition, and direction (not just to the mall)....I focks with you......early! Just don't show up to the date wearing your Harriet Tubman College of Business alumni shirt.

I know that we want potential mates to be perfect. However, we gotta live in reality. So many of the dealbreakers were frivolous. If those things are that big of an issue, they can be changed. So your dude went to Norfolk State.......enroll his ass in Everest College. Your girl won't curse.......take her to see Dice Clay perform. No one said "murderer" "pedophile" "fundamentalist Christian". The chutzpah of some of these folks is amazing.......and not in a good way. Peace.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

My Father..........the Hero

Picture this: a classroom in small town Arkansas circa 1991. The teacher reminds the children that Parent/Teacher conferences will be held. A classmate leans over and asks a young lass will her mother be at the conference. The young girl replies "yeah and my dad will be there too". The classmate looks perplexed and asks "your dad lives with you and your mom". The girl is now equally perplexed because she assumed that all dads lived with kids. On the walk home from school, the little one can't get that off her mind.

My dad has been in my life ever since the doctor slapped my behind. Never a day went by that he didn't come home (unless he was out of town or something). My parents were married from my jump street. As I got older, I realized more and more how prevalent single parent households were. I found out that everyone didn't have a father or a father worth mentioning in their home. Now that I think about it, I'm extremely blessed in that regard. Not knocking anyone who grew up without their dad just speaking on my life.

My pops and I were best friends when I was younger. He was a garbageman so he would always find something cool that he found on his route. I remember once he found an old record player. He fixed it up for me, got me some records, and we would cool out and listen to them. I observed my pops and the way he treated my mom, my sisters, and me. He was always respectful and real cool. He was firm (and at times a little too firm) but my mother could always turn him into a puddle. My pops taught me how to treat a woman.........sure that wasn't his intentions, but hey it's like that sometimes......LOL.

I got older and like most teenagers, hanging around my parents wasn't the business anymore. Parents were "the enemy". They were their to restrict our freedoms and run and ruin our lives. I probably really don't have a beef there because my parents were actually pretty lax. I could close my bedroom door and curfew could be extended with a courtesy phone call.

By the time I got to university, my pops and I had kinda drifted apart. We would speak here and there. Still had mad love for the guy, but I felt like he didn't understand me. I thought that while he wouldn't be upset at me for being gay, he would be the most disappointed. What father doesn't dream about walking his daughter down the aisle to marry some strapping young man? I kinda felt like I was taking something away from him, so I fell back from him. Also by then I had became the ultimate mama's baby which continued up to her death.

Now that my mom is gone, I try harder to reestablish a solid relationship with my father. I know that we definitely need one another. Some days my heart hurts so bad for him. To spend your the majority of your life with someone and one day they're gone. He talks about her sometimes until he tears up and on the inside I want to cry too, but I hold in it and encourage him. I get off work sometimes and I'm so mentally spent yet I still grab the phone and give him a call. Even if it's just to shoot the breeze about his favorite football team or listen to him vent about what my aunt or sister did. My father will never be mistaken for perfect but he's the best dad I coulda ever asked for. I love that dude. Peace.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Meet My Harshest Critic........Me

For the last couple weeks, I have been back on my bedroom dj grind. I've made some mixes here and there but I think they all sound like basura. I'm quite certain that I am being way too hard on myself, but I gotta keep pushing myself. Can't become a top dj if you're thinking like a dorm room party cd player attendant.

At the suggestion of friends, I am gonna put up some of my mixes here and there. Feel free to download responsibly of course. Disclaimer: these mixes are for entertainment purposes only....I make no copyright claims to these songs.

Smooth Ride Out Volume 1:
1. Toni Braxton - Please
2. D'Angelo - Lady
3. Trey Songz - Ooo
4. Mariah Carey - More Than Just Friends
5. Aaliyah - If Your Girl Only Knew
6. Electrik Red - So Good
7. Beyonce feat. Sean Paul - Baby Boy
8. Groove Theory - Tell Me
9. Ryan Leslie feat. Fabolous and Cassie - Addiction
10. City High - Caramel
11. Zhane' - Sending My Love
12. Faith feat. Missy - Burnin' Up (remix)
13. Truth Hurts feat. Rakim - Addictive
14. Joe feat. G-Unit - Ride With You
15. Mariah feat ODB w/ Tom Tom Club - Fantasy b/w Genius of Love
16. Montell Jordan - I Like

For reasons unknown, at the 0:56 mark the first two songs mash up for a few seconds. I'll troubleshoot to see why that happened. Other than that.........enjoy. If you have a request, let me know and I will put something together for you. Peace

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Say Baby What's Your Sign

While I don't buy into astrology 100%, I do find it interesting. I'm not a fan of horoscopes because they are usually vague. I mean really I'm gonna pass by a man wearing pants? You don't say! It must be fate. I do find the sign descriptions to be more spot on. Even though just by reading you'd swear that Pisces are the doormats of the zodiac. I digress.

Upon meeting a woman, I do like to find out what sign she is. I don't put much stock into zodiac compatibility. However, more and more I'm starting to think I should. As I take a look back at the people (dudes included) that I have had reasonable feelings for, they all have one thing in common......their signs are NOT compatible with Pisces (according to different readings). Call it what you want, but maybe the stars know what they are talking about. Disclaimer: my view of these zodiac signs are based on personal experiences........your mileage may vary. Let me start off by setting the scene of a Pisces:

Pisces - Emotional clairvoyant who bounces between quiet calm waters and undertow of treacherous currents. Favorite past times happen to be daydreaming and picking up bad habits from every other zodiac sign. Favorite phrase would be "I just can't decide".

Gemini/Pisces - Neurotic hot head seeks laid back doormat for rounds of sadomasochistic fun. Feelings and honesty will double as bats and stones. Gemini's favorite past time would be jumping to conclusions. Their favorite phrases include "because I want to" and "you hurt my feelings".

Aquarius/Pisces - Unpredictable crapstorm seeks village to destroy. The Aquarius was one of the most eccentric people I ever met. Didn't know who he was from one day to the next. Aquarius' favorite past time would be judging others. Their favorite phrases include "yeah, but at least I'm not *insert anything*" and "yeah whatever".

Aries/Pisces - Chronic sufferer of futnmouf disease seeks unsuspecting nurse to infect. Aries says whatever they want, when they want, how they want, and don't give a crap who gets it. I'm guessing Ram is short for Battering Ram. You can find most Aries shooting first and second, then eventually asking questions to which they will have all the answers. Their favorite phrases include "are you talking to me" and "nah, you can't be talking to me".

All three of these people did have some kind of redeeming qualities about themselves. At some point in time there was something that attracted me to them and kept me attracted to them even afterwards. However, all three signs with Pisces are like oil and water. I dunno I may have to listen to the stars and find me a nice Cancer, Scorpio, Taurus, Capricorn, or Pisces to link up with. Peace.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

And Beauty Is Her Name

As I do almost every weekday, I watched the Tyra show. She had a segment called "Tyra in 10". It's basically her answering beauty questions in 10 seconds or less. I listened to woman after woman ask Tyra different questions and I thought to myself "wow, they put a lot of work into this". I decided to write a blog to show my appreciation for the ladies who go through any kind of trouble to look awesome.

I see you at work, at the lounge, at the mall, at church, everywhere looking amazing like you just stepped off a magazine cover. I know it's hard work. I've seen some of your vanities. You got flatirons, curling irons, mirrors, a makeup box, the whole nine. You tweeze, shave, powder, suck, tuck, wiggle, and primp. You walk into the bathroom already amazing only to come out looking more stunning. It floors me. I don't know how you do it. I walk into the bathroom and I only come out bout 10 pounds lighter.

Those jeans that fit your body like a glove and make me tear up when I see you probably feels about as comfortable as stepping on a porcupine. I'm sure you think your breasts don't sit up perfectly when you slip into your Vicky bra. It's all good, I think they're awesome. Then you cover it with one of those shirts that shows enough to grab my attention but still leaves something to the imagination. If my eyes wander a little bit, don't think I'm being disrespectful.

I see you rocking your Giuseppe Zanottis, Jimmy Choos and Christian Loubous. I know your dogs are probably barking but you still manage to have this vicious diddy bop. I have no clue of how you do it, but you do it so well. You carry these purses that are sometimes bigger than my backpack and are sometimes about the size of my wallet. And nah, I don't mind holding it while you go try something on. It's cool. Promise you I won't let it touch the floor.

In short, let's hear it for the girl. I know you ladies go through a lot to make jaws drop, heads swivel, and knees weak. I'm not saying that you do it just to get attention. I don't care if you're doing it for you, to catch a dude, a chick, or a fish without a's sexy. So gone strut with your bad self, you deserve it. Just know that when you take all that stuff off and you put on that t-shirt and that drives me just as wild. Peace.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Cyrano Without the Schnoz b/w Just a Touch

A little known fact about yours truly......I write a little poetry. Not any of that "listen to the words in between the spaces......the spaces......the spaces" slam quasi-deep bootleg Def Poetry Jam stuff. I like heartfelt romantic type stuff. Not "roses are red violets are blue yadda yadda", but real peace poetry about how the heart is feeling. I rarely share my poetry mainly because a lot of it is in my head, but I decided to let one out. Wrote this joint while watching a football game.....go figure. Enjoy.

Just a touch would send me flying
Through outer space into depths I never seen before
Just a touch would be a key to that door
That winds past my heart heading towards my soul
Heating up that place that I once thought was so cold
I know I'm turning off my cool and being a little bold
But just the thought of a touch drives me wild
Heading spinning around, big ass smile like a little child
Who finally got that toy that he dreamed about every night
And every day, every way, I long for that touch it would mean so much
More than the Knicks finally winning that 'ship even the Titans as well
Trying to be in your heaven is giving me hell
It ain't your fault that even my nightmares give me sweet visions of you
Just like it ain't my fault that my blues are divisions of you
From me like Gilligan lost at sea watching the waves crash
Until I climb out of the ocean and run that 40 yard dash
Past my doubts and insecurities until I feel that gentle breeze
That chills me to my core and has me wanting more
Than a call here or there or maybe a text to boot
More than diamonds, gold, fly sneaks, or a bag of loot
Something more precious so simple just a moment
Just a second just a glimpse sweetie we don't have to rush
I'm no Don Juan but there's a spot on your body that if I touch
Will drive you up a wall sending you in orbit until you fall
Into my lap because I'd never let you hit the ground
Even with two feet down you'd still be feeling high
Not remembering how you got there wondering why and how did it start
Come a little closer....close your eyes....exhale....let me touch your heart

Monday, October 12, 2009

How Do I Loathe Thee? Let Me Count the Ways.

It goes with fail that at least every 3 months, I have an issue with my Comcast service. It's like clockwork. I could set my watch to it. I believe I had a service issue early this summer so I was due for something going awry. In light of this, I decided to come up with a list of things that are more reliable than Comcast's service. Drums please.

* Oliver North's testimony about the Iran-Contra affair.

* Roman Polanski at a Sweet 16 party.

* Lifestyles condoms.

* Rush Limbagh trying to identify who robbed him at a police station. (BNBG)

* Michael Vick's homeboys.

* Social Security 20 years down the road.

* Shawn Kemp's pullout method.

* Jay-Z's retirement.

* Shaq blindfolded shooting free throws.

* George Bush accepting an invite to freestyle at a Black Awareness Rally.

* FEMA after a light a drizzle.

* A degree from Everest University.

And the number one thing more reliable than Comcast's service.............

* The Fresh Prince's come he didn't want him, man?

Friday, October 9, 2009

Freestyle Friday Redux

Today's freestyle Friday will be based off reactions I have had about posts I've read on some message boards this week. My pure, unabashed thoughts about what's been going on teh interwebs. Go!

* Ether did in fact change Jay-Z. Jay's bragging used to be based in cockiness (see: Imaginary Players" to being rooted in insecurity (see anything on Kingdom Come and such). Ether shook Jay to the core. Jigganauts (his stans) ride hard for the dude. Jay got paper.....not mad at him. Doesn't change the fact that as an artist, his music is croutons. Mad stale.

* Dealbreakers are typically just easy outs. The fact that I like to wear Sperry's is really no reason to stop dating me. If you don't like just don't like me. BFD. Now, there are some real dealbreakers out there: you're in prison, you used to be a man, you thought Gigli was good, you're a yellow dog Democrat. Triple demerits if you have all 4 of those.

* Marriage is no longer the goal in dating/relationships. If you hate dating, you're in for a long life. Chances are if you're a black woman, you won't get married. I detest the truth in this statement, but it is what it is *cringe*. Also, the fact that we live in a bail out disposable society...long term relationships are going way of the dinosaur. Chances are you'll be spending more years dating than anniversaries. Don't shoot me.......I'm just the messenger.

* I don't eat everybody's spaghetti. Not because of the old black magic tale about women and spaghetti. I had some spaghetti at a potluck once and when I got home I was looking like Hitch after the shellfish. Too many spaghetti recipes floating around. I gotta know you pretty good to grub down on spaghetti. Don't get tight........its just truth.

* I see no issue in coming in at 6am from the club if you're not married. I don't do the shacking up thing anyway, so she wouldn't know I was out at 6am unless I told her. The issue would come in if I told her in the beginning that I don't do stuff like that. However, if I leave the door open to say "hey sometimes I may wanna stay out all night", what the problem is? There isn't any cheating done at 5:47 am that can't be done at 12:13 pm.

* Women who do not want children are not selfish. If you know you don't wanna bring life into this world or may not wanna deal with........that is fine and dandy. Even if you don't wanna have kids because you don't think it's gonna "snap back", I ain't trippin on it. Nothing wrong if you're focused on your career, wanna jetset around the world, or trying to invent the forward facing Snuggie. Kids are just as stressful as they are rewarding. Don't let society tell you what you're supposed to do or supposed to feel.

* Black women......we gotta do better. We make up a small population of this country and a large population of new HIV cases. I don't completely buy into the "DL boogeyman theory" either. I'm sure it happens but not as much as Oprah and nem make us think. We as women have the final say so on sex. You tell homeboy he's not going in with a jimmy.....he's gonna find one. Better yet.....have a stash of your own. This ain't 1943......protect yourself. Also, taking a dude home from the club and letting him raw dog..........not a good idea. We claim to be so powerful.......use it!

* Say what you want about Raven, but I think she's beautiful. Nothing wrong with a thick chick. Raven, if you're reading........holla back shorty! Keep spending that Disney residuals and rocking your weave. I ain't trippin' over here. I like thick chicks and I love thick chicks with thick wallets. We can do this!

Bonus cut - I have the coolest deliveryman ever. Dude is tatted up, always wearing an ipod, and steady calling me "ma". He even asked was I gonna give him a tip. Yesterday he delivered a package talking bout "what's up big timer". I was like LMAO, breh youse a wild boy. He tells me as he's leaving "be easy ma". I love this guy. If was into dudes like that, I'd put a bid in.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

It Ain't Always Gumdrops and Cookie Dough

As people, we always tend to overdo the good and downplay the bad. It's no different when we meet new people that we may be interested in romantically. We'll tell them how much we love drawing butterflies, helping old ladies cross the road, and producing records for washed up singers (I see you Johnny Kemp!). Never do we say anything about the bad stuff. The good old element of surprise. We at Hostile Gospel are all about giving you the real so here are the top 4 bad qualities of yours truly.

1. I am an elitist. Don't get me wrong, I look down on no one. However, I have been known to take a few spins on my aboveitallicopter. I don't believe that my views are always right, but they are always awesome. Yours are okay......just not as dope as mine. The ironic thing about this all is that I am probably one of the most down to earth people you'll ever meet.

2. I'm impatient. They say good things come to those who wait......whatevy. Does that mean I can't see the big picture or partake in instant gratification? No, it just means that typically if I don't get something when I want it......I will become disinterested. I know what I should know too and get on the ball. Time's a wastin'.

3. I'm aloof at times. I tune out. I zone out. It's not that what you're saying isn't important....I just take a break in my own little world sometimes. Perhaps that can be attributed to my shyness. I'm the person in the loud club staring into outer space. Goes back to number world is better than reality sometimes. LOL, I kid.......or do I?

4. I'm unapologetic. A wise person once told me "never apologize: your friends won't need it and your enemies won't believe it". I refuse to say I'm sorry because I'm successful, being honest, or kicking your arse in Madden, Monopoly, or tiddlywinks. I'm always courteous and respectful. However, if you got a problem with me and how I roll.........TBN. I'm me all day long.......get down or lay down and if you lay down you stay down! I have been called a tool, douche, jerk, and ass quite a few times but only by folk who cannot understand how I tick.

I'm sure after reading this, you're thinking "oh my goodness she's awful". I'm not. I'm the coolest, nicest, most helpful, pleasant person you could ever meet. I'm ride or die for my homies...and I'll even stand up for the little guy if need be. I just won't sit here and act like sunshine and butterscotch comes out of my pores. I know my ish can stink at times. Our bad qualities make us who we are just like our good ones do. A buddy of mine always tells me to "own it".......those four things are all mine. *puts qualities in wagon* Peace.

Friday, October 2, 2009

A Comedy of Errors

The while back, I received a phone call from a high school chum of mine. I hadn't talked to her in ages and haven't seen her in even longer. We caught up on old times and had a few laughs about fellow classmates. We got into the inevitable "so are you seeing anyone" talk. Since the last time we really saw each other I was "straight", she was taken aback when I said "no, still waiting on the right woman".

Before she had a chance to gasp and clutch her pearls, I told her that I was indeed into chicks. She told me that was cool and that she kinda always knew. *looks into camera* We talked for a little while longer and that was that. At least so I thought. Last night I get another phone call and we're talking again. She said she called because she had heard/thought so many things about teh gheys and just wanted to ask me. Some of the stuff she told me.....all I could do was facepalm.

Myth 1 - You just wake up one morning and POOF! you're gay. I believe that you both choose to be gay and are born gay. Meaning I have probably always had these feelings in me but I chose to act on them. Nothing I did or didn't do made me like chicks. I could have went on with my life being a miserable, latent homo. I decided not to.

Myth 2 - Gay people are attracted to every person of the same sex. So, so, so false. If I had a dime for everytime someone I know comes up to me with "I have a friend/niece/aunt/cousin I want you to meet.......she's're would work", I'd be rich. Sounds good in theory.......doesn't really work in real life. I have tastes, preferences, dislikes, and likes just as any straight person.

Myth 3 - Gay people go after straight people early and often. I know some chicks who hunt straight women for sport. Not I. I'm not a vampire who is obsessed with getting some blood of a stradie. I have dealt with straight women but not on some "I Kissed a Girl and I Likeded It" but actually on a "I'm not gay, but I really like you" tip. If a straight woman is feeling me and the feeling is mutual, I'm gonna see what's up. If a straight woman is just trying to get her rocks off and have an "experience", kick rocks. So breathe easy stradies......ya'll are not being targeted.

Myth 4 - Gay people wear their sexuality like a badge. On first meeting me, I'm not gonna shake your hand and throw it "by the way.......I'm gaaaaaaaayyyyyyy". There are 37897138 different things I could say about myself before I even mention my sexuality. What I like is really none of the world's business. I don't feel the need to go around broadcasting it like the 6 o'clock news. The stance I take on my sexuality is "I don't reveal and I don't hide".

Myth 5 - In a gay relationship, one person is the "girl" and the other person is the "guy". This one I really don't like because why would gay people model their relationships after heterosexual relationships? When people say this I know what they're person is dominant and one person is submissive. They way I prefer my relationships to go is let dominance be fluid. There will be some things I take the lead on and there will be some things I take the passengers side on. Some nights I wanna hold......others I want to be held.

Long story short, there are a lot of misconceptions about gay people. I have hopes, dreams, failures, insecurities, accomplishments, accolades, etc just like any straight person. I don't allow myself to be defined by who I want to share my life with. I find that the people who shouldn't care about gay people care more than they should. In the same breath I'd like to say, I do appreciate people who are willing to ask than to walk around assuming. Truth be told, being gay really isn't that big of a deal. Peace.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

No Matter What You Call 'Em, We Gotta Save 'Em

Ta-tas. Boobies. Knockers. Funbags. All these are colorful euphanisms for breasts. Nicknames for breasts vary from region to region. Some are cute. Some are funny. However, when breast becomes an adjective and no longer a noun, the giggles subside.

Prior to 2005, I didn't know much about breast cancer. I knew it existed, but it was on the same level as Paris, Harvard, or living in Siberia. After my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, I wanted to know all that I could about this awful disease. My mom never got down about having cancer. As a matter of fact, she used that as a springboard to tell every woman she could find about getting mammograms, taking care of yourself, etc. She took a problem and turned it into a platform.

After she died, breast cancer awareness became a very important subject to me. Any chance I get, I tell women I know about the importance of self-checks and if they are of age, mammograms. Even though my mother died, breast cancer is not a death sentence. There are wonderful treatment options out there. It has been documented that exercise, dieting, cutting back on alcohol can all decrease the chances of getting breast cancer.

I pray often that one day this awful disease will be eradicated from this planet. I have seen it leave a trail of death and destruction in its wake. On the flip side, I have seen some very courageous women (and men) fight this enemy and are winning the battle every day. October is National Breast Cancer Awareness month. Please however you can so. If you can't do a Race for the Cure......donate. If you cannot donate money......donate your time. If you can't donate your time.......pray. To all my ladies out there, take care of your ta-tas. Peace.

Sidenote: Here is a link to some facts about breast cancer:

Monday, September 28, 2009

I Put On For My State

I hail from the great state of Arkansas. Formerly known as the Land of Opportunity, smarter heads prevailed and decided to go with a more suitable name.......The Natural State. People tend to be shocked when I tell them that I am from Arkansas......yes people articulate, witty, cool Arkansans do exist. I feel that it is my duty to tell you great people about my state.

Founded: June 15, 1836
Capitol: Little Rock
Area codes: 479, 501, 870 (chea!)
Population: 2.7 million
Largest cities: Little Rock, Fayetteville (WPS), Jonesboro, Pine Bluff, Hot Springs
Motto: Regnat populus translated The People Rule
Counties: 75
State bird: Mockingbird
State flower: Apple blossom
Notable residents: Former President Bill Clinton, Sam Walton, Maya Angelou, the Right Reverend Al Green, Ne-Yo, and I cannot forget the incomparable Conway Twitty

Now, what I listed above are a few facts about Arkansas. Allow me to dispel some rumors and myths about my state and its natives:

Myth #1 - We don't have indoor plumbing. I'm sure that somewhere in the backwoods of the Ozark mountains, there is some family still using an outhouse. However, 99.9% of our residents do not have to leave the house to take a piss. Thats not to say you won't find someone taking a piss down on Dickson St on the Hill.

Myth #2 - The KKK has a stronghold on the state. Arkansas is chocked full of racists. My hometown is one of the most segregated places on Earth. Even with all that said, I have never seen a cross burning in my life. Actually I prefer the racists in Arkansas, they are blatant, loud, and powerless. I could care less about being called a "coon" by some trailer park living unemployed douchebag. I do care about the banker in the Armani suit who won't approve my mortgage application.

Myth #3 - Arkansas is behind on the times fashion wise. I'll be the first to admit I still know some folks who rock jheri curls.......faithfully. I'm not saying Arkansas is on Milan's level but there are some very stylish people in the Natty state. Sorry to report that we are not wearing Cross Colours and Exhaust jeans in 2009. I was rocking my Timbs right along with Nas and had my goggles cocked to the side just like the M-E-T-H-O-D Man.

Myth #4 - Arkansans are toothless hillbillies who participate in incestous relationships. First of all I want to say that incest is sick no matter where it takes place. I've seen a lot of gold teeth in Arkansas but not a lot of toothless people. I've never eaten roadkill or had a goat sleep in my house........thanks Beverly Hillsbillies.

In short, I know that a blog can't change your mind if you're hellbent on thinking certain people are a certain way. If I had a dollar for everytime someone told me "you don't act/talk like you're from Arkansas", I'd be a rich woman. If you're out today and you see a car with Arkansas plates on it.......honk and give that person the thumbs up. LOL okay that was too much........just go to Wal-mart and buy something.........some Tyson chicken perhaps? Peace.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Just Call Me Solo Dolo you know the difference? Do you believe there is a difference? Do you care there is a difference? Most people think that if you're alone then by default you have to be lonely. And conversely, if you're lonely then quite naturally you're alone.

I'm the youngest of my siblings. My oldest sister is 8 years older than me. And the closest sibling in age would be my bro who is a good 3 years older than I am. I don't see any real reason for a 14 year old to want to play with a 6 year old on a consistent basis. Basically from the jump, I have been alone. Just me, myself, and I. I had friends growing up but when the lights went down....just me.

My parents never really said anything about my social ineptitude. Now that I think about it, there wasn't a reason to do so. I wasn't out doing drugs or worse.....making bad grades, so they were cool with it. Part of me wishes they had encouraged me to do something......anything. Not sure what they could have done.

As I got older, I realized that I was different than my peers. While they wanted to hang out and talk foolishness, I'd rather sit in the back finish my work and then cool out. Get an invite to a party....I'd just play the wall or find a nice corner to chill and observe. I've always liked observing people. I can tell the cornball of a function within 5 minutes of having my first glass of water. He/she is usually the person who comes up to me with "why aren't you saying anything" or whispering to the guests "she looks bored/upset/pathetic/whatever". The question I usually want to ask is "what do you want me to say?" The more I let you talk, the more I can see how full of it you are.

I've always kept my circle very small. I don't have many friends and I'm quite cool with that. I like solitude. I'm a bit eccentric, but that has nothing to do with me being comfortable with being alone. I can count the number of times I've been bored. I don't get bored because I'm okay being alone with me. I'm pretty awesome, engaging, witty, and smart. Why would I be bored with that? Silence doesn't make me uncomfortable. I think one of the greatest milestones of any relationship is the ability to each other's silence.

Being solo dolo has made romantic relationships kinda hard for me. "Why are you so quiet" "what are you thinking" "you have to be up to something" are things I've heard so many times with women. I've had women I care about but being so used to being alone made having someone around a lot feel kinda smothering. Doesn't mean I didn't enjoy their company just felt like the walls were closing in. It was nothing for me to go days without talking to a chick. I can see now how that would make it look like I was up to no good. I can honestly say that I have come a long way from that kind of thinking. Found out that I can be quiet and let a nice chick rest against me.

Even though I've enjoyed being solo dolo, I'm slowly trying to come out of my shell. I'll go to a store or something and actually make small talk. Or instead of turning down invites to go to bigger gatherings, I'll lace up the loafers and go. It's a painstaking process but I know that if I want to be a balanced person I have to stick with it.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Video Killed the Radio Star

Go back in time with me for a second. The time: 1998..........the place: your bedroom. The phone rings and a nervous voice stumbles out "umm hello can I speak to ____". On the other end a heart starts to race and begins to feel those little butterflies. An equally nervous voice replies "y-y-yeah, speaking". As time passes by on this conversation remains quixotic and gets a little smoother. It eventually ends in "no you hang up" or "we'll hang up on 3".

That was before text messaging stormed onto the scene and leaving a path of unromantic debris in it's wake. Do I have anything against text messasging? No. When used properly, it's a great way to get a quick message across. "Ate all your Apple Jacks. Buy more". "I'm". Yanno something along those lines.

As scary and awkward as first conversations are, I still want them to be a conversation. If I can type out 100 characters, I surely can hit one little green SEND key. If I want you and want to pursue you........I'm gonna show you. Some LOLs and smiley faces cannot replace hearing a voice. Hearing the tone of the voice. Hearing real laughter. No character can serve as an alternative.

My top 3 reasons for not starting a textual relationship:

1. It's impersonal. With a couple clicks I can send the same "hey what are you doing tonite" to 10 different women.

2. Sarcasm doesn't go over well via text. Something that I may have meant as a joke can turn into WWIII.

3. You don't know the cut off point. With a phone conversation it ends with "goodbye", "peace", "later". When that is said, click and that's it. With texting you don't know, you may still be texting the person and they've ended the "conversation" hours ago.

Don't get me wrong, technology has changed some of the game for the better. You can google the person you're going out on a date with. You can stalk..umm I mean excessive care from a moderate distance someone you want to go on a date with via Facebook. All these things are wonderful in their own right. But if you're trying to land a mate.....pick up the Ma Bell and get to getting. Save those text messages for Texts from Last Night. Peace.

Monday, September 21, 2009

I Dig Chicks.........Now What?!

Picking up where I left off in a previous blog when I realized I was indeed a lesbian. I knew that coming out was definitely NOT an option. Being gay was obviously the worst thing I could be right? Never mind the fact that I had been on the Principal's honor roll since kindergarten. Never mind the fact that I wasn't knocked up or strung out on drugs. Never mind the fact that I came home on time and treated everyone with the utmost respect. I figured my mother (my pops was always laid back so I couldn't call which way he would go) would rather have an ax murderer for a daughter than me. She would be so disappointed if I came home and said "mama, I'm gay". Forget all the accolades and accomplishments. I would then be one of those horrible, nasty people that are damned to hell. I would be an enemy and no longer an ally. Shoot, not on my watch. Dig a hole and bury that bone.

My senior year of high school I spent repressing, suppressing, oppressing, compressing, any kind of press. That gay thing was out of sight out of mind. I figured I dreamed the whole thing. Whew! That was a close call. I managed to keep my friends at bay by telling them that I had a crush on this guy who had a girlfriend. I played up the moral angle and pretended to pine away for homeboy. He was cute but his girlfriend was even cuter.

Finally graduated high school and was ready for university. The summer before university I was invited to attend this week long camp for minority business majors. I arrived at the dorm and was greeted by this handsome, kinda chubby, guy. To protect the innocent, I'll call him E. It seemed like E and I hit it off instantly. He was cool and had a great taste in music. We hung out almost every day at camp. I thought he was awesome. I was very sad when the camp ended because I knew some folks wouldn't be attending school there.........figured E would be one of them.

First day of college 2000: I walked into my Freshman Business Orientation class. I was stoked that E decided to come to university and he was gonna be in some of my classes. As I looked around for him, I saw this chick sitting by herself. She wasn't breathtaking but there was something about her. I decided to walk over to her and make nice. I extended my hand and introduced myself she says my name is W (name withheld to protect identities). We chit chat for a minute until E finally shows up. With it being the first day of class, the professor let us out early. W walks off while I stand around and talk with E. He walks me to the bus stop and who do I see waiting for the same bus? Turns out we live in the same dorm.

W and I start kicking it like ninjas off the top. It was like I had known her all my life. We would stay up late in her room (she had a roommate) and talk and laugh and just have a good time. W was the first non family member chick I had hugged. She would always hug me before I left. Her embrace felt so warm and she always smelled so good.

One night, we had stayed up late watching movies. It was like 3 am, so I tell her I'm gonna call it a night and I'll see her later on that day. "You can stay the night here". Like I said, we lived in the same dorm, she stayed on the 8th floor and I stayed on the second. The building had two elevators, so there really wasn't any reason for her telling me I could stay. "B-b-b-but where will I sleep" I managed to stutter out. "You can sleep in the bed with me". Pause. Now I know how little a twin size bed is. I know how big I am. W wasn't fat or anything, but she was thick (in a good way). I wasn't a physics major but I knew we would be very close in that small bed. "Umm okay, scoot over". I get in the bed with her and she turns off the tv. I tried to get as far on the edge to give her room but she kept getting closer. I wanted to nudge her back over but it felt so good having her next to me. Finally, I got comfortable and let her lay on me. Two girls sleeping in a bed together.......there's nothing gay about it?