Monday, November 9, 2009

What About Your Friends......No Seriously

Today I was having a convo over IM and the statement "I can't believe you fell in love with your best friend" was made. The person who said it didn't mean any harm by it. I'm guessing it was made in puzzled amazement. We here at the Hostile Gospel are all about owning it, so here goes. I date friends and I have no issue with it.

Without getting too deep about the whole subject, yes, I had major romantic feelings for a great friend of mine. I wanted more than she wanted to give. At the moment, it has cost me her friendship. Even though it hurts that we are not on speaking terms, if I had the chance I would do it all over again. She and I had a wonderful connection. I remember talking to her for hours and the minute she hung up feeling the urge to call her right back. I recall her laying in my lap wishing I could suspend time so that I could feel like that forever. It eventually went south and I no longer have those kind of feelings for her (praise the Lord). No regrets.

Dating a friend is a huge risk that has an even bigger reward. It's not easy. People say well I wouldn't date a friend because it would ruin the friendship. I say people have fallen out and never spoken again for less. At this moment, there is someone who isn't speaking to a friend over $4.79. Friends get older, get more responsibilities, drift apart and lose touch. If I were to lose someone, I'd rather I lose them in attempts to build a beautiful, stable romantic relationship. Your friend already knows you so you get to bypass that sometimes awkward getting to know you stage. That's a bonus in itself most times.

Say you start dating a friend and it doesn't work out. I believe that if you and your friend are truly friends, then the friendship won't be ruined. You can both be mature enough to accept you two are meant to be homies and move on from it. Dating a friend requires more communication than dating someone who you had no friendship with. Both parties have to be uber honest. You don't want one party hearing wedding bells and the other is only hearing the dinner bell. In addition, I don't recommend starting a casual sexual relationship with a friend. Cutt buddy situations hardly, if ever, work out no matter how you met the person.

My main advice for dating a friend is don't go into the situation already thinking about the ending. If you're planning life after breaking up with your friend, it won't work. I know there's a lot more at stake but grab your A1 and go all in. Half hearted attempts at anything never yield positive results. Another good tip is because you know someone so well, it's easy to fall into a lull. The same way you want to excite and court someone you didn't know, do it for your friend. Don't sit around watching Family Guy all the time....go have some fun.

The moral of my story is in my humble opinion, dating a friend is all good. Please don't take that as go turn your social circle into a dating pool. I am saying that if you find a friend intriguing and the feeling is mutual, nothing wrong with giving it a shot. Love exists in places that we sometimes don't think to look.....right under our noses. Peace.

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