Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Can I Hit It For Free?

I tweeted about a topic that I read on a message board. It was about ladies telling the board what they have gotten dudes to pay for. I figured purse or rent would be the most high dollar things on the list. Boy, was I in for a big surprise! A few chicks said they have had dudes buy them cars, not beat up hoopties but new or late model whips. Of course this is the interwebs and people can lie, but I'm sure at least 1 of them was telling the truth.

A wise person once said "he spends you owe" so I'm sure that most (read: 96% of the chicks) had to do SOMETHING to get this stuff. Even if dude didn't hit it, he was certainly setting up the down payment to get teh draws. These chicks took stuff knowing more than likely that was the deal. Am I knocking a chick for taking a couple months of rent? Yeah, if it's not her boyfriend/husband. If ya'll partnered up and you fall on hard times, getting a little help from your dude is okay. If you're taking gifts from some schmuck (yeah dude isn't blameless) just because.......then you might wanna re-evaluate your life.

I have no problem buying a woman something nice to show I care. I will not, however, buy you gifts for your time or set up the account to get the draws. That's straight wack. If you're just trying to hit, just say it. Don't spend all your monies in hopes that the chick gives up the ghost. Tell her from jump during your first phone conversation. If you're feeling romantic, tell her on that first date at Mickey D's. Save your time and money. Peace.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Time to Drop Some Napalm Bombs

For around the last few months, I have been having trouble with my cell phone. Not the service, just my phone. The phone around 2 years old and has been dropped on every surface known to man. I have patched this phone up with spit and lotion, super glue, and just good ol' fashioned prayer. The last couple weeks it has gotten so bad that 4 out of 10 times I have to put it on speakerphone just to be able to hear the other person. You would think a person like myself would have all the latest toys, but spending a grip on a cell phone is pointless to me. I don't talk on it much. I'm probably blowing money just by having one. I digress. Today, I broke down and decided to go buy one.

I arrive at the store and start browsing. It was hard as heck because someone up in that piece smelled like they had just gotten finished wrestling alligators. Smelled like someone had ran a 5K marathon only to slip and fall into a landfill. I was like c'mon son you coulda copped a shower before coming to the cell phone store. It's not like this is somewhere important like Big Lots or something.

The salesperson finally gets to me and asks can he help me. I tell him that I'm here to upgrade my phone. We look at a couple models that would suit me. While I like them both, one is a lot more than I want to spend a phone. We get to the register, I'm all ready to swipe and get up outta there. Dude tells me that I can't get the phone unless I sign up for a data plan. I look at him like "barrgh", okay how about I not take the discount and pay full price for the phone. He says no you have to get the data plan or you cannot get a smartphone. I've had a smartphone for a good 3 years now, never was a problem. I tell dukes thanks for his help and I'll give AT&T a call.

I return home and decide to ring up the sales department. Maybe homeboy didn't know who I am or at the very least wasn't up on his policy game. I get connected to one of the first level employees. I explain my situation to him and sip high tea whilst I wait for him to come back and tell me that I'm all set to cop my phone. He comes back with the same snagglenaggle bull-ish that the store was on. I was riding down the cool coastal highway but now I see a Boiling Point exit sign. I swerve into the right lane so I can take this exit. I pause for a second and decide I'll speak to a supervisor.

She finally gets on the phone. My spidey senses are telling me that this is gonna get ugly real quick. Once again I explain my situation. She tells me that because they've had people run up interwebs bills and dip out on them. Me in full Positive K mode "what that got to do with me". I pay my bill and have done so for the last 5 years. I politely tell her that your mobile interwebs plan costs more than my home interwebs plan. I can't even get with that, shorty. I've never been the one to play that "well I'll go just go to *insert competitor* not my style. In the middle of me telling her how bass ackwards their policy is, she cuts me off saying "I'm not gonna argue with you, is there anything else I can do for you". Eff that, I swerve across 5 lanes and take that Boiling Point exit. I went all in on her. I tell her first of all if I were arguing with you, you'd know it, toots. I know you're a lowly powerless peon but it's your job to listen to me voice my concerns. If you are not capable of handling such responsibilities you could quit and go be a monk. I decided that I would end the call before I start remembering 4 and 5 letter words.

So now it's on and poppin', I am going to call and write until I get a satisfactory response. I like having a smartphone because it has windows and other applications that regular phones do not have. I have no need for mobile interwebs. Not knocking those who have it, need it, like it, etc. It's not for me. I should not be relegated to such mature devices as the LG Neon or the Motorola Karma. What am I? Sixteen? Should I use my new Pantech Breeze to text Bobby Harris that I do want to go to Makeout Mountain with him? FOH! Lines have been drawn and I will not lose. Bring it!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

What You Say Shorty? I Can't Even Get With It.

After reading a topic on a message board, I can see why so many people are SINGLE. These long laundry lists of some the most trivial "dealbreakers" is disgusting. C'mon son! I decided that I'd blog about the best of the worst. Here goes.

Won't curse - Really? Now I love a woman who has a slight potty mouth. I think that's sexy. It's chuckle worthy when a person comes with these "kid" words to keep from cursing. So what if her F-bombs are fudge......BFD. Just don't start putting me on 7 second delay.

Wears sneakers - So you mean to tell me that if ya'll go hiking at the Grand Canyon she gotta be in some heels? You want her to go jogging in some wedge sandals? I like a chick with a mean shoe game just like the next one, but this is overkill. Whilst I'd rather you not always look like you just came from Spirit Squad practice, your comfort and arch support is more important . What if she got feet issues? Don't want sweetness in a wheelchair trying to keep me.

Over 30 and has not had an abortion or failed marriage/engagement - There is a saying around that if a "pretty" woman is over 30 and single then there must be something wrong with her. Judging by some of these dealbreakers, I have to call BS on that theory. There's a lot of trife dudes/women (however you swing) out there. It's very likely that an accomplished and attractive 30 something woman will be single in this day and age. Oh fiddlesticks!

More than 1 pet of the same species - I LOL'd when I read that. I'm like dude couldn't be serious. You mean to tell me that you'd turn down a perfectly good chick because she had TWO sea monkeys? FOH! What if she breeds dogs for a living? I've heard some stupid stuff but this one has catapulted to the top of the list.

Stuffed animals - Granted I wouldn't want a chick who was still having tea parties with her teddy bears, this one is still stupid. What if her dying granny gave her a stuffed puppy? As long as you're not introducing them to me by name or get tight when I sit them on the floor to lay down, we're good.

Fan of a certain team - The team that was used on the message board was New York Knicks. A woman who is a Knick fan would be a definite bonus. Any woman who can long suffer through these dark dark times of the franchise is a keeper. If she managed to keep it together after John Starks went 0-239733 in the 1994 NBA Finals, I would put a ring on it. The gal can definitely ride out a storm. She's mad loyal. I know if I take some L's she's gonna be riding with me. We can egg Isiah Thomas' house together. That's love.

Went to a HBCU - I don't give a flip if you went to Northwest Eastern Idaho School of Acrylics and Clownery. I wouldn't go to a HBCU, but that's just me. College is not an indicator of intelligence. As long as you got some drive, ambition, and direction (not just to the mall)....I focks with you......early! Just don't show up to the date wearing your Harriet Tubman College of Business alumni shirt.

I know that we want potential mates to be perfect. However, we gotta live in reality. So many of the dealbreakers were frivolous. If those things are that big of an issue, they can be changed. So your dude went to Norfolk State.......enroll his ass in Everest College. Your girl won't curse.......take her to see Dice Clay perform. No one said "murderer" "pedophile" "fundamentalist Christian". The chutzpah of some of these folks is amazing.......and not in a good way. Peace.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

My Father..........the Hero

Picture this: a classroom in small town Arkansas circa 1991. The teacher reminds the children that Parent/Teacher conferences will be held. A classmate leans over and asks a young lass will her mother be at the conference. The young girl replies "yeah and my dad will be there too". The classmate looks perplexed and asks "your dad lives with you and your mom". The girl is now equally perplexed because she assumed that all dads lived with kids. On the walk home from school, the little one can't get that off her mind.

My dad has been in my life ever since the doctor slapped my behind. Never a day went by that he didn't come home (unless he was out of town or something). My parents were married from my jump street. As I got older, I realized more and more how prevalent single parent households were. I found out that everyone didn't have a father or a father worth mentioning in their home. Now that I think about it, I'm extremely blessed in that regard. Not knocking anyone who grew up without their dad just speaking on my life.

My pops and I were best friends when I was younger. He was a garbageman so he would always find something cool that he found on his route. I remember once he found an old record player. He fixed it up for me, got me some records, and we would cool out and listen to them. I observed my pops and the way he treated my mom, my sisters, and me. He was always respectful and real cool. He was firm (and at times a little too firm) but my mother could always turn him into a puddle. My pops taught me how to treat a woman.........sure that wasn't his intentions, but hey it's like that sometimes......LOL.

I got older and like most teenagers, hanging around my parents wasn't the business anymore. Parents were "the enemy". They were their to restrict our freedoms and run and ruin our lives. I probably really don't have a beef there because my parents were actually pretty lax. I could close my bedroom door and curfew could be extended with a courtesy phone call.

By the time I got to university, my pops and I had kinda drifted apart. We would speak here and there. Still had mad love for the guy, but I felt like he didn't understand me. I thought that while he wouldn't be upset at me for being gay, he would be the most disappointed. What father doesn't dream about walking his daughter down the aisle to marry some strapping young man? I kinda felt like I was taking something away from him, so I fell back from him. Also by then I had became the ultimate mama's baby which continued up to her death.

Now that my mom is gone, I try harder to reestablish a solid relationship with my father. I know that we definitely need one another. Some days my heart hurts so bad for him. To spend your the majority of your life with someone and one day they're gone. He talks about her sometimes until he tears up and on the inside I want to cry too, but I hold in it and encourage him. I get off work sometimes and I'm so mentally spent yet I still grab the phone and give him a call. Even if it's just to shoot the breeze about his favorite football team or listen to him vent about what my aunt or sister did. My father will never be mistaken for perfect but he's the best dad I coulda ever asked for. I love that dude. Peace.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Meet My Harshest Critic........Me

For the last couple weeks, I have been back on my bedroom dj grind. I've made some mixes here and there but I think they all sound like basura. I'm quite certain that I am being way too hard on myself, but I gotta keep pushing myself. Can't become a top dj if you're thinking like a dorm room party cd player attendant.

At the suggestion of friends, I am gonna put up some of my mixes here and there. Feel free to download responsibly of course. Disclaimer: these mixes are for entertainment purposes only....I make no copyright claims to these songs.

Smooth Ride Out Volume 1:
1. Toni Braxton - Please
2. D'Angelo - Lady
3. Trey Songz - Ooo
4. Mariah Carey - More Than Just Friends
5. Aaliyah - If Your Girl Only Knew
6. Electrik Red - So Good
7. Beyonce feat. Sean Paul - Baby Boy
8. Groove Theory - Tell Me
9. Ryan Leslie feat. Fabolous and Cassie - Addiction
10. City High - Caramel
11. Zhane' - Sending My Love
12. Faith feat. Missy - Burnin' Up (remix)
13. Truth Hurts feat. Rakim - Addictive
14. Joe feat. G-Unit - Ride With You
15. Mariah feat ODB w/ Tom Tom Club - Fantasy b/w Genius of Love
16. Montell Jordan - I Like

For reasons unknown, at the 0:56 mark the first two songs mash up for a few seconds. I'll troubleshoot to see why that happened. Other than that.........enjoy. If you have a request, let me know and I will put something together for you. Peace

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Say Baby What's Your Sign

While I don't buy into astrology 100%, I do find it interesting. I'm not a fan of horoscopes because they are usually vague. I mean really I'm gonna pass by a man wearing pants? You don't say! It must be fate. I do find the sign descriptions to be more spot on. Even though just by reading you'd swear that Pisces are the doormats of the zodiac. I digress.

Upon meeting a woman, I do like to find out what sign she is. I don't put much stock into zodiac compatibility. However, more and more I'm starting to think I should. As I take a look back at the people (dudes included) that I have had reasonable feelings for, they all have one thing in common......their signs are NOT compatible with Pisces (according to different readings). Call it what you want, but maybe the stars know what they are talking about. Disclaimer: my view of these zodiac signs are based on personal experiences........your mileage may vary. Let me start off by setting the scene of a Pisces:

Pisces - Emotional clairvoyant who bounces between quiet calm waters and undertow of treacherous currents. Favorite past times happen to be daydreaming and picking up bad habits from every other zodiac sign. Favorite phrase would be "I just can't decide".

Gemini/Pisces - Neurotic hot head seeks laid back doormat for rounds of sadomasochistic fun. Feelings and honesty will double as bats and stones. Gemini's favorite past time would be jumping to conclusions. Their favorite phrases include "because I want to" and "you hurt my feelings".

Aquarius/Pisces - Unpredictable crapstorm seeks village to destroy. The Aquarius was one of the most eccentric people I ever met. Didn't know who he was from one day to the next. Aquarius' favorite past time would be judging others. Their favorite phrases include "yeah, but at least I'm not *insert anything*" and "yeah whatever".

Aries/Pisces - Chronic sufferer of futnmouf disease seeks unsuspecting nurse to infect. Aries says whatever they want, when they want, how they want, and don't give a crap who gets it. I'm guessing Ram is short for Battering Ram. You can find most Aries shooting first and second, then eventually asking questions to which they will have all the answers. Their favorite phrases include "are you talking to me" and "nah, you can't be talking to me".

All three of these people did have some kind of redeeming qualities about themselves. At some point in time there was something that attracted me to them and kept me attracted to them even afterwards. However, all three signs with Pisces are like oil and water. I dunno I may have to listen to the stars and find me a nice Cancer, Scorpio, Taurus, Capricorn, or Pisces to link up with. Peace.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

And Beauty Is Her Name

As I do almost every weekday, I watched the Tyra show. She had a segment called "Tyra in 10". It's basically her answering beauty questions in 10 seconds or less. I listened to woman after woman ask Tyra different questions and I thought to myself "wow, they put a lot of work into this". I decided to write a blog to show my appreciation for the ladies who go through any kind of trouble to look awesome.

I see you at work, at the lounge, at the mall, at church, everywhere looking amazing like you just stepped off a magazine cover. I know it's hard work. I've seen some of your vanities. You got flatirons, curling irons, mirrors, a makeup box, the whole nine. You tweeze, shave, powder, suck, tuck, wiggle, and primp. You walk into the bathroom already amazing only to come out looking more stunning. It floors me. I don't know how you do it. I walk into the bathroom and I only come out bout 10 pounds lighter.

Those jeans that fit your body like a glove and make me tear up when I see you probably feels about as comfortable as stepping on a porcupine. I'm sure you think your breasts don't sit up perfectly when you slip into your Vicky bra. It's all good, I think they're awesome. Then you cover it with one of those shirts that shows enough to grab my attention but still leaves something to the imagination. If my eyes wander a little bit, don't think I'm being disrespectful.

I see you rocking your Giuseppe Zanottis, Jimmy Choos and Christian Loubous. I know your dogs are probably barking but you still manage to have this vicious diddy bop. I have no clue of how you do it, but you do it so well. You carry these purses that are sometimes bigger than my backpack and are sometimes about the size of my wallet. And nah, I don't mind holding it while you go try something on. It's cool. Promise you I won't let it touch the floor.

In short, let's hear it for the girl. I know you ladies go through a lot to make jaws drop, heads swivel, and knees weak. I'm not saying that you do it just to get attention. I don't care if you're doing it for you, to catch a dude, a chick, or a fish without a's sexy. So gone strut with your bad self, you deserve it. Just know that when you take all that stuff off and you put on that t-shirt and that drives me just as wild. Peace.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Cyrano Without the Schnoz b/w Just a Touch

A little known fact about yours truly......I write a little poetry. Not any of that "listen to the words in between the spaces......the spaces......the spaces" slam quasi-deep bootleg Def Poetry Jam stuff. I like heartfelt romantic type stuff. Not "roses are red violets are blue yadda yadda", but real peace poetry about how the heart is feeling. I rarely share my poetry mainly because a lot of it is in my head, but I decided to let one out. Wrote this joint while watching a football game.....go figure. Enjoy.

Just a touch would send me flying
Through outer space into depths I never seen before
Just a touch would be a key to that door
That winds past my heart heading towards my soul
Heating up that place that I once thought was so cold
I know I'm turning off my cool and being a little bold
But just the thought of a touch drives me wild
Heading spinning around, big ass smile like a little child
Who finally got that toy that he dreamed about every night
And every day, every way, I long for that touch it would mean so much
More than the Knicks finally winning that 'ship even the Titans as well
Trying to be in your heaven is giving me hell
It ain't your fault that even my nightmares give me sweet visions of you
Just like it ain't my fault that my blues are divisions of you
From me like Gilligan lost at sea watching the waves crash
Until I climb out of the ocean and run that 40 yard dash
Past my doubts and insecurities until I feel that gentle breeze
That chills me to my core and has me wanting more
Than a call here or there or maybe a text to boot
More than diamonds, gold, fly sneaks, or a bag of loot
Something more precious so simple just a moment
Just a second just a glimpse sweetie we don't have to rush
I'm no Don Juan but there's a spot on your body that if I touch
Will drive you up a wall sending you in orbit until you fall
Into my lap because I'd never let you hit the ground
Even with two feet down you'd still be feeling high
Not remembering how you got there wondering why and how did it start
Come a little closer....close your eyes....exhale....let me touch your heart

Monday, October 12, 2009

How Do I Loathe Thee? Let Me Count the Ways.

It goes with fail that at least every 3 months, I have an issue with my Comcast service. It's like clockwork. I could set my watch to it. I believe I had a service issue early this summer so I was due for something going awry. In light of this, I decided to come up with a list of things that are more reliable than Comcast's service. Drums please.

* Oliver North's testimony about the Iran-Contra affair.

* Roman Polanski at a Sweet 16 party.

* Lifestyles condoms.

* Rush Limbagh trying to identify who robbed him at a police station. (BNBG)

* Michael Vick's homeboys.

* Social Security 20 years down the road.

* Shawn Kemp's pullout method.

* Jay-Z's retirement.

* Shaq blindfolded shooting free throws.

* George Bush accepting an invite to freestyle at a Black Awareness Rally.

* FEMA after a light a drizzle.

* A degree from Everest University.

And the number one thing more reliable than Comcast's service.............

* The Fresh Prince's come he didn't want him, man?

Friday, October 9, 2009

Freestyle Friday Redux

Today's freestyle Friday will be based off reactions I have had about posts I've read on some message boards this week. My pure, unabashed thoughts about what's been going on teh interwebs. Go!

* Ether did in fact change Jay-Z. Jay's bragging used to be based in cockiness (see: Imaginary Players" to being rooted in insecurity (see anything on Kingdom Come and such). Ether shook Jay to the core. Jigganauts (his stans) ride hard for the dude. Jay got paper.....not mad at him. Doesn't change the fact that as an artist, his music is croutons. Mad stale.

* Dealbreakers are typically just easy outs. The fact that I like to wear Sperry's is really no reason to stop dating me. If you don't like just don't like me. BFD. Now, there are some real dealbreakers out there: you're in prison, you used to be a man, you thought Gigli was good, you're a yellow dog Democrat. Triple demerits if you have all 4 of those.

* Marriage is no longer the goal in dating/relationships. If you hate dating, you're in for a long life. Chances are if you're a black woman, you won't get married. I detest the truth in this statement, but it is what it is *cringe*. Also, the fact that we live in a bail out disposable society...long term relationships are going way of the dinosaur. Chances are you'll be spending more years dating than anniversaries. Don't shoot me.......I'm just the messenger.

* I don't eat everybody's spaghetti. Not because of the old black magic tale about women and spaghetti. I had some spaghetti at a potluck once and when I got home I was looking like Hitch after the shellfish. Too many spaghetti recipes floating around. I gotta know you pretty good to grub down on spaghetti. Don't get tight........its just truth.

* I see no issue in coming in at 6am from the club if you're not married. I don't do the shacking up thing anyway, so she wouldn't know I was out at 6am unless I told her. The issue would come in if I told her in the beginning that I don't do stuff like that. However, if I leave the door open to say "hey sometimes I may wanna stay out all night", what the problem is? There isn't any cheating done at 5:47 am that can't be done at 12:13 pm.

* Women who do not want children are not selfish. If you know you don't wanna bring life into this world or may not wanna deal with........that is fine and dandy. Even if you don't wanna have kids because you don't think it's gonna "snap back", I ain't trippin on it. Nothing wrong if you're focused on your career, wanna jetset around the world, or trying to invent the forward facing Snuggie. Kids are just as stressful as they are rewarding. Don't let society tell you what you're supposed to do or supposed to feel.

* Black women......we gotta do better. We make up a small population of this country and a large population of new HIV cases. I don't completely buy into the "DL boogeyman theory" either. I'm sure it happens but not as much as Oprah and nem make us think. We as women have the final say so on sex. You tell homeboy he's not going in with a jimmy.....he's gonna find one. Better yet.....have a stash of your own. This ain't 1943......protect yourself. Also, taking a dude home from the club and letting him raw dog..........not a good idea. We claim to be so powerful.......use it!

* Say what you want about Raven, but I think she's beautiful. Nothing wrong with a thick chick. Raven, if you're reading........holla back shorty! Keep spending that Disney residuals and rocking your weave. I ain't trippin' over here. I like thick chicks and I love thick chicks with thick wallets. We can do this!

Bonus cut - I have the coolest deliveryman ever. Dude is tatted up, always wearing an ipod, and steady calling me "ma". He even asked was I gonna give him a tip. Yesterday he delivered a package talking bout "what's up big timer". I was like LMAO, breh youse a wild boy. He tells me as he's leaving "be easy ma". I love this guy. If was into dudes like that, I'd put a bid in.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

It Ain't Always Gumdrops and Cookie Dough

As people, we always tend to overdo the good and downplay the bad. It's no different when we meet new people that we may be interested in romantically. We'll tell them how much we love drawing butterflies, helping old ladies cross the road, and producing records for washed up singers (I see you Johnny Kemp!). Never do we say anything about the bad stuff. The good old element of surprise. We at Hostile Gospel are all about giving you the real so here are the top 4 bad qualities of yours truly.

1. I am an elitist. Don't get me wrong, I look down on no one. However, I have been known to take a few spins on my aboveitallicopter. I don't believe that my views are always right, but they are always awesome. Yours are okay......just not as dope as mine. The ironic thing about this all is that I am probably one of the most down to earth people you'll ever meet.

2. I'm impatient. They say good things come to those who wait......whatevy. Does that mean I can't see the big picture or partake in instant gratification? No, it just means that typically if I don't get something when I want it......I will become disinterested. I know what I should know too and get on the ball. Time's a wastin'.

3. I'm aloof at times. I tune out. I zone out. It's not that what you're saying isn't important....I just take a break in my own little world sometimes. Perhaps that can be attributed to my shyness. I'm the person in the loud club staring into outer space. Goes back to number world is better than reality sometimes. LOL, I kid.......or do I?

4. I'm unapologetic. A wise person once told me "never apologize: your friends won't need it and your enemies won't believe it". I refuse to say I'm sorry because I'm successful, being honest, or kicking your arse in Madden, Monopoly, or tiddlywinks. I'm always courteous and respectful. However, if you got a problem with me and how I roll.........TBN. I'm me all day long.......get down or lay down and if you lay down you stay down! I have been called a tool, douche, jerk, and ass quite a few times but only by folk who cannot understand how I tick.

I'm sure after reading this, you're thinking "oh my goodness she's awful". I'm not. I'm the coolest, nicest, most helpful, pleasant person you could ever meet. I'm ride or die for my homies...and I'll even stand up for the little guy if need be. I just won't sit here and act like sunshine and butterscotch comes out of my pores. I know my ish can stink at times. Our bad qualities make us who we are just like our good ones do. A buddy of mine always tells me to "own it".......those four things are all mine. *puts qualities in wagon* Peace.

Friday, October 2, 2009

A Comedy of Errors

The while back, I received a phone call from a high school chum of mine. I hadn't talked to her in ages and haven't seen her in even longer. We caught up on old times and had a few laughs about fellow classmates. We got into the inevitable "so are you seeing anyone" talk. Since the last time we really saw each other I was "straight", she was taken aback when I said "no, still waiting on the right woman".

Before she had a chance to gasp and clutch her pearls, I told her that I was indeed into chicks. She told me that was cool and that she kinda always knew. *looks into camera* We talked for a little while longer and that was that. At least so I thought. Last night I get another phone call and we're talking again. She said she called because she had heard/thought so many things about teh gheys and just wanted to ask me. Some of the stuff she told me.....all I could do was facepalm.

Myth 1 - You just wake up one morning and POOF! you're gay. I believe that you both choose to be gay and are born gay. Meaning I have probably always had these feelings in me but I chose to act on them. Nothing I did or didn't do made me like chicks. I could have went on with my life being a miserable, latent homo. I decided not to.

Myth 2 - Gay people are attracted to every person of the same sex. So, so, so false. If I had a dime for everytime someone I know comes up to me with "I have a friend/niece/aunt/cousin I want you to meet.......she's're would work", I'd be rich. Sounds good in theory.......doesn't really work in real life. I have tastes, preferences, dislikes, and likes just as any straight person.

Myth 3 - Gay people go after straight people early and often. I know some chicks who hunt straight women for sport. Not I. I'm not a vampire who is obsessed with getting some blood of a stradie. I have dealt with straight women but not on some "I Kissed a Girl and I Likeded It" but actually on a "I'm not gay, but I really like you" tip. If a straight woman is feeling me and the feeling is mutual, I'm gonna see what's up. If a straight woman is just trying to get her rocks off and have an "experience", kick rocks. So breathe easy stradies......ya'll are not being targeted.

Myth 4 - Gay people wear their sexuality like a badge. On first meeting me, I'm not gonna shake your hand and throw it "by the way.......I'm gaaaaaaaayyyyyyy". There are 37897138 different things I could say about myself before I even mention my sexuality. What I like is really none of the world's business. I don't feel the need to go around broadcasting it like the 6 o'clock news. The stance I take on my sexuality is "I don't reveal and I don't hide".

Myth 5 - In a gay relationship, one person is the "girl" and the other person is the "guy". This one I really don't like because why would gay people model their relationships after heterosexual relationships? When people say this I know what they're person is dominant and one person is submissive. They way I prefer my relationships to go is let dominance be fluid. There will be some things I take the lead on and there will be some things I take the passengers side on. Some nights I wanna hold......others I want to be held.

Long story short, there are a lot of misconceptions about gay people. I have hopes, dreams, failures, insecurities, accomplishments, accolades, etc just like any straight person. I don't allow myself to be defined by who I want to share my life with. I find that the people who shouldn't care about gay people care more than they should. In the same breath I'd like to say, I do appreciate people who are willing to ask than to walk around assuming. Truth be told, being gay really isn't that big of a deal. Peace.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

No Matter What You Call 'Em, We Gotta Save 'Em

Ta-tas. Boobies. Knockers. Funbags. All these are colorful euphanisms for breasts. Nicknames for breasts vary from region to region. Some are cute. Some are funny. However, when breast becomes an adjective and no longer a noun, the giggles subside.

Prior to 2005, I didn't know much about breast cancer. I knew it existed, but it was on the same level as Paris, Harvard, or living in Siberia. After my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, I wanted to know all that I could about this awful disease. My mom never got down about having cancer. As a matter of fact, she used that as a springboard to tell every woman she could find about getting mammograms, taking care of yourself, etc. She took a problem and turned it into a platform.

After she died, breast cancer awareness became a very important subject to me. Any chance I get, I tell women I know about the importance of self-checks and if they are of age, mammograms. Even though my mother died, breast cancer is not a death sentence. There are wonderful treatment options out there. It has been documented that exercise, dieting, cutting back on alcohol can all decrease the chances of getting breast cancer.

I pray often that one day this awful disease will be eradicated from this planet. I have seen it leave a trail of death and destruction in its wake. On the flip side, I have seen some very courageous women (and men) fight this enemy and are winning the battle every day. October is National Breast Cancer Awareness month. Please however you can so. If you can't do a Race for the Cure......donate. If you cannot donate money......donate your time. If you can't donate your time.......pray. To all my ladies out there, take care of your ta-tas. Peace.

Sidenote: Here is a link to some facts about breast cancer: