Thursday, October 22, 2009

What You Say Shorty? I Can't Even Get With It.

After reading a topic on a message board, I can see why so many people are SINGLE. These long laundry lists of some the most trivial "dealbreakers" is disgusting. C'mon son! I decided that I'd blog about the best of the worst. Here goes.

Won't curse - Really? Now I love a woman who has a slight potty mouth. I think that's sexy. It's chuckle worthy when a person comes with these "kid" words to keep from cursing. So what if her F-bombs are fudge......BFD. Just don't start putting me on 7 second delay.

Wears sneakers - So you mean to tell me that if ya'll go hiking at the Grand Canyon she gotta be in some heels? You want her to go jogging in some wedge sandals? I like a chick with a mean shoe game just like the next one, but this is overkill. Whilst I'd rather you not always look like you just came from Spirit Squad practice, your comfort and arch support is more important . What if she got feet issues? Don't want sweetness in a wheelchair trying to keep me.

Over 30 and has not had an abortion or failed marriage/engagement - There is a saying around that if a "pretty" woman is over 30 and single then there must be something wrong with her. Judging by some of these dealbreakers, I have to call BS on that theory. There's a lot of trife dudes/women (however you swing) out there. It's very likely that an accomplished and attractive 30 something woman will be single in this day and age. Oh fiddlesticks!

More than 1 pet of the same species - I LOL'd when I read that. I'm like dude couldn't be serious. You mean to tell me that you'd turn down a perfectly good chick because she had TWO sea monkeys? FOH! What if she breeds dogs for a living? I've heard some stupid stuff but this one has catapulted to the top of the list.

Stuffed animals - Granted I wouldn't want a chick who was still having tea parties with her teddy bears, this one is still stupid. What if her dying granny gave her a stuffed puppy? As long as you're not introducing them to me by name or get tight when I sit them on the floor to lay down, we're good.

Fan of a certain team - The team that was used on the message board was New York Knicks. A woman who is a Knick fan would be a definite bonus. Any woman who can long suffer through these dark dark times of the franchise is a keeper. If she managed to keep it together after John Starks went 0-239733 in the 1994 NBA Finals, I would put a ring on it. The gal can definitely ride out a storm. She's mad loyal. I know if I take some L's she's gonna be riding with me. We can egg Isiah Thomas' house together. That's love.

Went to a HBCU - I don't give a flip if you went to Northwest Eastern Idaho School of Acrylics and Clownery. I wouldn't go to a HBCU, but that's just me. College is not an indicator of intelligence. As long as you got some drive, ambition, and direction (not just to the mall)....I focks with you......early! Just don't show up to the date wearing your Harriet Tubman College of Business alumni shirt.

I know that we want potential mates to be perfect. However, we gotta live in reality. So many of the dealbreakers were frivolous. If those things are that big of an issue, they can be changed. So your dude went to Norfolk State.......enroll his ass in Everest College. Your girl won't curse.......take her to see Dice Clay perform. No one said "murderer" "pedophile" "fundamentalist Christian". The chutzpah of some of these folks is amazing.......and not in a good way. Peace.


Trisha's Daughter said...

LMAO @ Harriet Tubman College of Business alumni shirt.

Mocitypretty said...

I can't stand you...I am laughing b/e during my BRIEF stint at Grambling, I lived in Truth Hall. Is in Sojourner Truth. Tubman was next door. And fiddlesticks is great...only to be trumped by Blanche's "fiddle dee dee" which she only uttered when Big Daddy came to Miami...

Mocitypretty said...

I had some typos in that last if I were drunk. Not yet...

LaconicIcon said...

I forgot about your swift appearance at Grambling. My Golden Girls swag is very low...I can't recall that episode.