Warning: this post will probably be all over the place. It makes sense to me, so I reckon that all that matters.Love can be such a beautiful thing. Love can be such a cruel beast. It's amazing how something that brought so much joy can bring so much pain.
Is this a "woe is a heartbroken black woman" tale? Nope. I am black. Still heartbroken but this is just me putting words on page. Words that I can't speak. The pages can't talk back. It won't tell me how it thinks I should feel. It won't judge me if I said I wanted to stand outside of her house with a boombox. It won't go eerily silent if I say I want to throw the aforementioned boombox through her window. The pages just let me be.
Just kinda wondering when will "over it" and "good" come rescue me? Here I am, each and every day waiting for them to come see about me. I lay on the couch. I lay on the bed. I drive in my car. I walk around my neighborhood. Surely they got my change of address card. Did they stop by her house instead? Please no! Is there a waiting list? Perhaps the curb is full of poor souls who have been kicked to it.
I will continue to wait. I think "healing" tried to call me today. I hit ignore because "pity" and "doubt" came by with beer. Meh, it's pretty warm out and I was thirsty. Pity told me to just wallow for a bit while doubt tried to sell me an inferiority complex. The price was good but the return policy sucked. I decided against it.
They saw I wasn't interested and headed for the door. I'm sure they will come over again, but I will do my best not to let them in. I have managed to keep "regret" at bay but I sent my best regards via "disappointment". Yeah I spoke to her. She wasn't sure if she was supposed to be at my house or hers. I told her I didn't need her here because I'm not disappointed in the least bit.
When you know you loved someone with all you had, why be disappointed? I mean honest and true love can be found on every corner...right?