I know at first glance at the title, you may think it's the line from Donell Jones' classic "Where I Want to Be". You may also think that this blog is going to be about me trying to hook up with someone else. As salacious and scandalous as this may sound, this blog ain't that.
journey as a black lesbian has not always been an easy one. Even though
I am more masculine presenting, coming out to family and the aftermath
has been tedious still. The biggest offender has been my eldest sister.
Incidentally, she is the sibling that I am closest to. After our mother
died, she has really stepped in and filled some of the void I felt.
on my sister: she is 8 years older than me (early 40s), married, has a
kid, uber religious, and quite conservative. My sister has been an adult
since we were kids. I don't ever recall her letting her hair down and
having a good time. She's always been super serious. My parents would
leave her in charge and she'd actually tell them if we acted up. Like
bruh...this supposed to be fun time. Anywho, she is a true and through
holy roller. Always has been.
When I came out to my
other siblings, it was like "meh, okay". I've had some missteps with my
other sister, but that's more of her being an ass than anything else.
She's the type to try to hurt you with words because she can't win an
argument. My bro is indifferent about life in general really has nothing
to say one way or the other. He told me to be happy and that was that.
get to the get down with this blog. My oldest sis recently had a
birthday. Her husband texted me an invite to come to their house for
birthday cake. Apparently they didn't coordinate the invite, so my sis
called with a similar invite. I tell my sis that sure, the girlfriend
and I will come thru. because we may go bowling or something beforehand
Radio silence. "Umm umm if yall were gonna go on a date, don't worry
about. His (my bro-in-law's) parents will be there. You know how they
are. I don't want them to say anything offensive to yall. Plus the
kids....*voice trails off*. Just don't worry. Come over another time"
am on the other end completely flabbergasted. I know she is still
trying but I felt like we had made some progress. "Okay, if that's what
you want. I'll chill" is all I can stammer fighting tears. I'll never
give anyone the satisfaction of knowing they made me cry. After I hung
up the phone, I just let loose. Anyone who knows me knows that it takes a
lot to make my cry. If I cry, I'm for real hurt. I couldn't believe my
sister didn't stand up for me. I was hurt that a person I care about
just threw me under a whole bus.
How can you say you
love someone but don't love everything about them? If your love for me
is dependent upon me hiding or denying myself. You can keep your love if
your love is not extended to someone I am in a relationship with. You
don't love me, it just sounds good to say. It baffles me so much that
people allow ignorance, bias, a book, whatever treat a loved whole so
badly. Why would you try to connect a perversion such as pedophilia to
two adult women in a loving relationship? How do you fix that same mouth
to say you love 100%? So if that's your idea of love...don't love me. Keep it,