Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Now Approaching the Friend Zone....Use Caution

"Let's just be friends", "I don't see you like that", "I like you.....like a sibling"....all major league bummers to hear. While it sucks to hear these things from someone you're digging, what you do afterwards is what matters. You can either a. stop being that person's friend (after notice) 2. fall back and really be their friend or III. agree and sit in agony hoping that one day that person will see you in another light. Option 1 says that you're willing to take just one L and keep it moving. Option 2 tends to work for people who have been friends for extended periods of time. Option 3 can put you in that abyss of wasted energies, unmet expectations, and wishful thinking. Tears, mental agony, and lunch will be provided.

Personally I don't what to make of the friend zone. Don't we all want to date someone who knows us, has our back, and cares for us? I think I have it figured out. The friend zone isn't about friendship, it's pretty much a "nice" letdown. It basically says you'll make a great mate for anyone who isn't me. I like hanging out with you but you just don't light my fire. I can accept that one.

My problem comes in with people who friend zone you but want all the perks and privileges of being your mate. I know you have a thing for me so I'll lay up with you, call you all the time, then pretend that I don't see how crushed you are when I tell you about my new piece. Basically I'll use you until something better comes along because I know you'll be there when it doesn't work out. That's selfish and cold.

So, LI, what do I do to prevent myself from getting into the friend zone? Truthfully, there's really nothing you can do. If they're not feeling you, they're just not feeling you. However, if you let your feelings be known as soon as possible, you can cut down on damage. Women are very intuitive, they know if you dig them. They may play coy when you tell them you dig them, but they know. Tell her how you're feeling and understand that no is just as much an option as yes.

If she hits you with the friend answer, it's up to you to decide how to play it. If you don't think you can handle being just a friend, tell her. Don't just fall off the face of the earth. It reeks of butthurtness and being a brat. If you think you can be her friend, then be just that. Think of a homie that you keep it really casual with and treat her just like that. I don't ever recommend option 3, maybe if both people are mature and not playing games or they were in a relationship when you told them how you felt, then maybe waiting can pay off. However, if you have a crush on someone who is immature, self absorbed, and about deep as a puddle.....it DOES NOT work. They will use you until there is nothing left.

Long story short, there is absolutely no shame in liking a friend. It happens all the time. Getting feelings off your chest and being completely honest can take a friendship to heights that it would have never went to if you kept it bottled in. The friend zone only really sucks when you're sitting in silence. Let it out.......and let the chips fall where they might. Peace.

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