Monday, September 27, 2010

You Got To Push Until You Get It....Right?

After reading a comment from one of newest e-homies, I got to thinking. The homie Kay told me that C never pushed me for a commitment. Not saying I'm Hugh Hefner by any stretch of the imagination. I have had a few chicks that really meant something to me. I've had several chicks fall by the wayside. The one thing they all have in common: they never pushed me.

For as long as I can remember, relationships have never been my thing. I could remember being back in high school seeing my homies boo'd up and all I could think to myself was "we're only 16, why are you doing this to yourself?" I didn't see the point. I mean really the odds of high school relationships making it past lunch were low; even lower for past graduation. Well that's cool, I'm still young, I'll grow into the relationship thing.

I remember in college seeing my friends boo'd up and all I could think to myself was "we're only 21, why are you doing this to yourself?" Plus there are fine women all over campus. We're gonna graduate soon and head off into the "real world" why in the heck would I want to be tied down at 22? Well that's cool, I'm just a senior in college, I'll grow into the relationship thing.

I meet women at a pretty good clip when I'm out and about. I can stand in the corner at a lounge/party/club and at least one woman will come by and chat me up. Occasionally I'll go on a date with a woman, but most times it doesn't go further than the first date. The few that do make it through my vigorous and sometimes unrealistic standards are usually content with just being in the service one more time. I think they figure if they've had it this far, no need to rock the boat. That works out just fine for me.

They don't push and I don't offer. I don't expect for a woman to beg and plead with me to make her my girlfriend. I'm sure that would be a major turnoff if it were to happen. I'm perfectly fine with just enjoying the moment without the restrictions of titles. I have never had a woman give me an ultimatum. Perhaps they don't think it's wise to have a relationship with someone they basically had to force into making a commitment. #shrug

If you're not dating anyone else, why won't you commit? Short answer: I think I'm afraid of being someone's girlfriend. I have no issue with being "someone I'm seeing" "someone I've been kickin it with". But once you break out that G word, I get sweaty. I also don't want have a gazillion girlfriends. If I become someone's girlfriend, I would hope she would be someone I want to be with for the long haul. I know times change and people change, but I don't think that is unreasonable.

Am I saying I've never met a chick I wanted to be with for the long haul? Nope, not at all. Part of the problem with C and myself is that I didn't make a commitment to her. Even when I was sure she was who I wanted, I sat on it. She didn't push me and I didn't offer. I'm not throwing the blame on her at all. I was at an age that I should have been able to sack up and do the right thing whether she insisted or not.

Nowadays, I can say that I'm making strides at correcting this. Learning that a title shouldn't change the situation. If I can go all in with being "someone special" then being a girlfriend shouldn't make a difference......I hope. Peace.


K. said...

I'm just sayin. Making your needs/wants known isn't the same as giving ultimatums or begging. Had C asked why you didn't want to her girlfriend, the resulting discussion probably would've saved y'all a lot of heartache and pain.

LaconicIcon said...

Her asking probably would have lead to another vague answer. I was at a different place at time. I do think an ultimatum would have gone over much better than her incessant "what are we".