Wednesday, September 22, 2010

I Ain't Sayin' She's a Bridezilla....

Over the weekend, I had the extreme pleasure of seeing one of my dearest friends get married. Not saying that my matrimonial clock is ticking, but whilst strolling around the reception I couldn't help but think about my wedding day. Unless one of the chicks I know finally get themselves together, I marry a homie that I've known for a minute, or have a lezzie romance.....that day is a ways off.

Even though I don't see myself getting hitched any time soon, there are some things I saw at my friends wedding that made think about.

* Wedding will start ON TIME!! Meaning if the invite says 1:13pm......the wedding will be starting at 1pm. I'm doing like old school church, I'm gonna have ushers stand by the door keeping latecomers out. If you're late, catch it on dvd.

* All husky bridesmaids have to wear strapped gowns. It's not the backfat that I worry about, it's the constant risk of wardrobe malfunction due to big boobies.

* Kids under the age of 7 (who are not in the wedding) will not be allowed. Your rugrat will not be talking and yapping and running all up and thru the wedding and reception.

* There will be no buffet style reception. You will be given a choice of chicken, beef, or fish as your main entree but sides will be determined by me. There will be fruit trays at each table for your snacking enjoying enjoyment.

* I'm seriously considering having an open bar. One: I don't think my wedding will be that big. I hang with a select group of folk plus I have an uber religious family who aren't 100% cool with teh ghey. Two: Having a cash bar encourages too much lingering and lines because people can't find their cash or are too busy complaining about the prices. I think that each guest will get 2 drink tickets and that's that.

* I'll kick it with my folk everyday before the wedding. On my wedding night, either I'm on honeymoon or at the honeymoon suite getting it in. I don't wanna see nobody but her that night. After the reception, you ain't gotta go home but we're getting the hell up outta here.

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