You Got To Push Until You Get It....Right?

After reading a comment from one of newest e-homies, I got to thinking. The homie Kay told me that C never pushed me for a commitment. Not saying I'm Hugh Hefner by any stretch of the imagination. I have had a few chicks that really meant something to me. I've had several chicks fall by the wayside. The one thing they all have in common: they never pushed me.

For as long as I can remember, relationships have never been my thing. I could remember being back in high school seeing my homies boo'd up and all I could think to myself was "we're only 16, why are you doing this to yourself?" I didn't see the point. I mean really the odds of high school relationships making it past lunch were low; even lower for past graduation. Well that's cool, I'm still young, I'll grow into the relationship thing.

I remember in college seeing my friends boo'd up and all I could think to myself was "we're only 21, why are you doing this to yourself?" Plus there are fine women all over campus. We're gonna graduate soon and head off into the "real world" why in the heck would I want to be tied down at 22? Well that's cool, I'm just a senior in college, I'll grow into the relationship thing.

I meet women at a pretty good clip when I'm out and about. I can stand in the corner at a lounge/party/club and at least one woman will come by and chat me up. Occasionally I'll go on a date with a woman, but most times it doesn't go further than the first date. The few that do make it through my vigorous and sometimes unrealistic standards are usually content with just being in the service one more time. I think they figure if they've had it this far, no need to rock the boat. That works out just fine for me.

They don't push and I don't offer. I don't expect for a woman to beg and plead with me to make her my girlfriend. I'm sure that would be a major turnoff if it were to happen. I'm perfectly fine with just enjoying the moment without the restrictions of titles. I have never had a woman give me an ultimatum. Perhaps they don't think it's wise to have a relationship with someone they basically had to force into making a commitment. #shrug

If you're not dating anyone else, why won't you commit? Short answer: I think I'm afraid of being someone's girlfriend. I have no issue with being "someone I'm seeing" "someone I've been kickin it with". But once you break out that G word, I get sweaty. I also don't want have a gazillion girlfriends. If I become someone's girlfriend, I would hope she would be someone I want to be with for the long haul. I know times change and people change, but I don't think that is unreasonable.

Am I saying I've never met a chick I wanted to be with for the long haul? Nope, not at all. Part of the problem with C and myself is that I didn't make a commitment to her. Even when I was sure she was who I wanted, I sat on it. She didn't push me and I didn't offer. I'm not throwing the blame on her at all. I was at an age that I should have been able to sack up and do the right thing whether she insisted or not.

Nowadays, I can say that I'm making strides at correcting this. Learning that a title shouldn't change the situation. If I can go all in with being "someone special" then being a girlfriend shouldn't make a difference......I hope. Peace.

I May Look Kinda Funny....But I Ain't No Fool

C and I communicated the other day after a few months of silence. Not in person, not over the phone, but over IM. Initiated by her for the record. This is the second time she's hit me up over IM to have some kind of conversation.

This conversation went a little differently than the first one. Started off hella rocky to the point where I wanted to go hit her with the People's Elbow. It finally leveled off and got to a more cordial place. This entry isn't about the conversation but I feel like I'd be doing my readers a disservice by not at least hitting on the highlights of the convo.

* I was told that I need to take responsibility for my actions. I rebutted with you need to acknowledge your role in this situation.

* C says to me that she can't see us being cool again in her head. My reply: okay that's cool and all I needed to to know. #kbye Convo didn't end there

* She says that right now I'm a stranger to her. My reply: makes no sense but I hear you #whatevy Convo still didn't end

* I went ahead and told her that I did miss her and our friendship. In a shocker, she admitted the same. Headscratcher I know. If I miss you and you miss me, why are we still dancing around each other?

Anywho, after all of this I consulted with my handful of trusted advisors. I got all kinds of opinions and theories as to what is going on. I know that my homies don't want to see me get hurt. I don't think my blog could ever fully tell the story of how deeply I loved C.

I just want people to understand that I knew C for a long time before anything ever happened between us. We had a very good friendship that I cherished. I know that things cannot be like they were before and I can say that unless she's made some changes, I don't want them to be. I'm aware that I cannot sit up over C's house all night and vice versa. We cannot have that closeness that blurred the line. I'm not strong enough for that right now. I have no problem admitting that.

I do believe that we can have a casual friendship. A text here and there, chit chat on the phone once a week. Perhaps going out to the bar or to eat or something every once in a while. Things of that nature. Straight homie status........that's it.

I just want people to be there for me no matter what decision I make with this. The same way I'm there for them when they're making hard choices. I know that right now, I'm untested. I can sit up here all day and talk about how great a grasp I have on my feelings. However, when the battle comes, can I hold serve? Yeah, I could be putting myself in a sticky situation or I could get my friend back and won't miss a beat. The burning question is: How will I ever know if things can be different unless I give it a shot? Peace.

I Ain't Sayin' She's a Bridezilla....

Over the weekend, I had the extreme pleasure of seeing one of my dearest friends get married. Not saying that my matrimonial clock is ticking, but whilst strolling around the reception I couldn't help but think about my wedding day. Unless one of the chicks I know finally get themselves together, I marry a homie that I've known for a minute, or have a lezzie romance.....that day is a ways off.

Even though I don't see myself getting hitched any time soon, there are some things I saw at my friends wedding that made think about.

* Wedding will start ON TIME!! Meaning if the invite says 1:13pm......the wedding will be starting at 1pm. I'm doing like old school church, I'm gonna have ushers stand by the door keeping latecomers out. If you're late, catch it on dvd.

* All husky bridesmaids have to wear strapped gowns. It's not the backfat that I worry about, it's the constant risk of wardrobe malfunction due to big boobies.

* Kids under the age of 7 (who are not in the wedding) will not be allowed. Your rugrat will not be talking and yapping and running all up and thru the wedding and reception.

* There will be no buffet style reception. You will be given a choice of chicken, beef, or fish as your main entree but sides will be determined by me. There will be fruit trays at each table for your snacking enjoying enjoyment.

* I'm seriously considering having an open bar. One: I don't think my wedding will be that big. I hang with a select group of folk plus I have an uber religious family who aren't 100% cool with teh ghey. Two: Having a cash bar encourages too much lingering and lines because people can't find their cash or are too busy complaining about the prices. I think that each guest will get 2 drink tickets and that's that.

* I'll kick it with my folk everyday before the wedding. On my wedding night, either I'm on honeymoon or at the honeymoon suite getting it in. I don't wanna see nobody but her that night. After the reception, you ain't gotta go home but we're getting the hell up outta here.

Freestyle Friday: One Day Early Edition

* I'm hella stoked about my homie's wedding this weekend. I'm so happy for her and her dude. Seems like they went about it the right way, together for 5 years, engaged for 1, no babies out of wedlock. After Saturday, the cheese stands alone. I will be the only out of my high school homies crew who isn't married and/or has child(ren).

* Piggybacking off #1....I think I'm backwards on the whole matrimony thing. Yeah, I want to get married but I really don't want to do the wedding thing. Maybe I'll just parachute in, say my "I do", slob her down, take off on my Ducati , and see her after she gets done with the reception. Streamlining is the way to go.

* I shoulda worked out double time this weekend. I know I'm gonna be eating like a straight clown this weekend. I will try not put on the full clown suit with makeup though.

* I love Man v Food. One of my favorite television programs. My dream in life is to meet a chick who isn't wide as all outside that can eat 20 wings in 10 minutes. I love a woman with an appetitie....tres' sexy. You can sit there and eat that half of a salad if you want....pass me that steak.

* I have taken a temporary leave from being the voice of reason. I have become weary from trying dissuade "grown folks" from making stupid choices. Now when someone approaches me with a bonehead idea, I am fully on board. Probably to the point where they think I'm patronizing them. So you want to propose to the chick you've only known 3 weeks? Let's do it! What time do you want to go to Tiffany and Co to pick out a ring?

* I can't stop watching Cee Lo's "Eff You". Dude is a musical genius, for real. I'm sure that song is lot of folks ringtone.

Eff You and Eff Her Too (3285 Days of C Pt 3)

"You had a rough break up and I want to help you find someone to take your mind off things." I spring that on C one day after work. I suggest we look on Yahoo Personals (back before it was a complete cesspool) and find her someone to go out with. I help her create a profile and suggest profiles that she should contact. She starts corresponding with this chick. Seems like a good match, into some of the same stuff, work in the same field. They decide to go on a date. I do everything but drop her off and give her $20 to have a good time. I watch her leave, head to the couch with my drink, and chill out.

I figure they'll go out a few times. C will realize that I am in fact as dope as I say I am and this whole ordeal will be over. Before I go any further, I want to say that while all this was going on with C and this new chick, I was still getting mine in. Don't want ya'll to think I spent every night pining away for C. #andbreak! Anywho, I was wrong in my calculations. C and the chick became a couple much to my chagrin.

The first few times I hung out with C and her new gal, let's call her Pip from here on out, were decent. Anyone who knew C and I, always would say that we interact like two people who are on a planet by themselves. It's always been like that. We'll sit and kee-kee like no one else is around even if we were in a crowd of folk. Apparently that didn't go over well with Pip. I became Public Enemy Number 1, 1, 1, 1, 1 (thanks Diddy). I thought C's first girlfriend hated me, Pip's hatred for me was 10x more intense. I guess I couldn't blame her. If my girlfriend talked to her friend all times of day and night, called her when she needed something instead of me, and just general too-muchness, I'd probably be a bit tight too.

During the relationship, I never felt disconnected from C. I saw her almost any time I wanted. We went out almost any time I wanted it. Even though Pip couldn't stand me, I remember times going over to her house while she was work to chill and watch movies with C. Then there was that Thanksgiving I went over to her house and C fixed me a plate on her good dishes. Mad foul I know. When they broke up or had an issue, I was always there to let her come chill or stay. Basically, I was her emotional standby girlfriend. Their relationship ended up being abusive. After a very ugly incident on Super Bowl Sunday, C and Pip broke up.

After the breakup, I let C come back to my place and stay for a while. I knew she was in a bad spot emotionally, so I did nothing unfriend like. I slept on the couch, no touchy-feely stuff, basically I gave her the space to feel whatever it she felt. I started seeing less of C and I figured out that she was back messing with Pip again. I went in on her and told her that she's not gonna be satisfied until Pip kills her. I told her that she's not gonna treat my apartment like its a storage unit. I wasn't trying to kick her out, but that's what happened.

I figured she would move back in with Pip, but she got her own spot. We didn't talk for a little while; that falling out that intense. I decided to be the bigger person and call her up one day. I didn't think that phone call would end with an invite to come over and see her new place. She let me know that she finally broke it off with Pip. We chilled out all that afternoon watching movies. It was just her and me again......just like the good ol days.

After Pip was finally gone from her life, she and I started to get close again. It was starting to feel like senior year of university all over again. I felt like we had turned that proverbial corner. I was ready to forget all the ups and downs that we've been through. Everything was going well until......."I have a date". #FOH Me: "that's cool, do what you do". She went on a few dates with, let's call her MB, but said she wasn't feeling the chick and they were just cool. The more she told me about MB, the more I realized that even if the feeling wasn't mutual MB fancied C. I informed C of this, but she dismissed it.

Fast forward a few weeks, I get a phone call at around midnight. It's C on the other end. "Hey, you wanna come over and go swimming?" I'm like at this time of night? #ohsnap It's about to go down. Tonight is the night like Betty Wright. Hells yeah I wanna come swimming. I want to swim for as long as she'd let me. I get over there in record time and we head to the pool. We're just floating, drinking, chillin' out. I'm semi-buzzed and horny as hell so you know I'm feeling really randy about now. About 30 minutes later, MB shows up. I don't pay it any mind because C has told me several times that ain't nothing going on with that. I'm all up on C, rubbing, touching, frisking, everything. I float around to the other side of the pool...swim back and I peep MB rubbing C's neck. Me being more buzzed than I was earlier calls her out on that on the the low. She talking bout "oh she's just friendly like that".

A couple hours pass and I guess MB figured out that I wasn't leaving, so she should skidaddle. As we're walking back, C flips on me. Talking about she didn't like how we treated her like a piece of meat. Telling me how I shouldn't have acted like that. How she and I are just friends and that I should get over it. Basically, talking real reckless. Enough is enough. I go ham on her. I tell her that her friend shouldn't have tried to flex on me. "Your feelings are collateral damage to me, I don't give a flip how you feel. Here I am trying to be all chivalrous. You let everyone else hit it, why shouldn't I?" Damn that felt good, I thought to myself. C was furious. Picture the cartoon characters with smoke coming out of their ears. That's exactly how C looked. She stammered and stuttered but no words come out. So what does she do? She pushes me. I stumble a back a little bit, more from the drinks I had than C's brute strength. I laughed which only made C even madder. Told her peace out and went home.

That is the last face to face interaction I've had with C in about a year. I figured by now, this "beef" would have been squashed, but it's not. MB and C are a couple now and they live together. C will probably never be woman enough to be honest about what happened between us. It's easier for her to say that I'm obsessed with her or that I made the whole thing up straight St. Elsewhere style. Do I think I've seen the last of C? Not hardly. So stay tuned....I'm sure part 4 will be sooner than you imagine. Peace.

Heartbreaker You Got the Best of Me (3285 Days of C Pt 2)

C and I didn't have sex that night (or any night for that matter), but the bond we had got even stronger after her visit. Things were awesome and I was floating on Cloud 15. She would ask me the age old question "what are we". I would always tell her that we're just two people trying to string together as many good days as possible. I wasn't interested in anyone else at the time, so I reckon the only reason why I wouldn't commit is I'm a commitmentphobe.

The idea of being hurt by love never scared me it. I was always more petrified of feeling so intensely for another person. I was scared of actually wanting to put someone (who wasn't fam) over myself. I was spooked by wanting to spend the rest of my life with a person. C really cared about me and that scared the crap out of me.

We continued along the "string of good days" path. In my mind, things were going well. I was going to visit as much as I could. I was shocked at how much of a shine her parents took to me. Even though they adored me, if I stayed over, C and I would sleep in separate rooms. I respected them too much to be up under their roof doing whatevy.

During this whole episode, my mother had been fighting cancer. She had been doing well most of the time, but that following year she took a turn for the worse and eventually died. C and her parents were there for me throughout. They even came down for the funeral; I thought that was hella decent of them. C knew that my mom was my air so she decided to come back to Houston with me for a little while so that I wouldn't be alone. I was hurting so badly but just having her with me made things a little easier to cope with. Time rolled around for her to leave. I remember walking her to security at the airport and just holding her. She's a good seven inches shorter than me, so I was resting my head on her head. I was tearing up but I knew that I would see her again since I was going to her graduation in a month. I knew that visit would be the time to ask her to be my girlfriend.

Three weeks later, C calls me up. We're chit chatting like usual until an eerie silence comes over her. "What's wrong" I ask. She takes a deep breath and straight up Gap Bands me........"I just want us to be friends again". #needlescratch #ruhroh I know I had been hella distant and difficult to deal with during that time, but heck my mom just died cut a sista some slack. She wasn't trying to hear that. She apologized for having such crappy timing, but she thinks its for the best. Her last words "are you still coming to my graduation?" What I wanted to say: "bish, you can matriculate deez nuts" What I actually said "whatever" *click*

I did in fact go to her graduation. I managed to put on a happy face for her family. I was gonna leave and go anywhere but near her until her family invited me to dinner. I'm moping hella hard walking inside, she comes beside me and asks me could I cheer up at least thru dinner. That is the first time I'd ever wanted to give her the Peoples' Elbow.

That night, she suggests we go to hang out and meet up with some of her friends. I'm thinking okay maybe she came to her senses and we'll get back to where we were. I get to the restaurant and who do I see? Her ex-girlfriend. That's the first time I ever wanted to give her a Stone Cold Stunner. You coulda sold me for a nickel when I saw them in that restaurant. The girl hates me so you know she was doing real extra at dinner. I played it cool and just chatted up the ex's friend. I noticed C and the chick getting into it on the low. They're lezzies so I know they'll be cool by the next round of drinks. I was right. Somehow all 4 of us ended up just strolling around downtown. The ex's homie and I in front and C and her girl behind us playing kissy face. That was the first time I ever wanted to piledrive C.

Once I got back to Houston, I avoided C. I didn't take her calls, her emails, nothing. One day I checked my voicemail and I heard this: "Hey, I got the job. Does the offer of me coming to stay with you still stand?" #facepalm #lesigh She was right, I did say that she could crash for a while if she landed a gig. I should have just said that offer was rescinded and told her to go screw herself. Against my better judgement, I told her to come on. I was faced with a choice. I could either pout and mope or I could use this as a chance to win her back. I chose the latter.

The first couple weeks of her staying with me were awkward. She slept on the couch. I would be in my room or playing Madden most days. I lived in a quasi studio, the bedroom was closed off, but there was no door leading into it. I would hear her talking on the phone to her girlfriend. That was the first time I wanted to roundhouse kick her. As with all lezzie relationships, they broke up after C found out the girl had been cheating on her....alot. #muttleysnicker That night, she was beside herself and ended up falling asleep in the bed with me. I shoulda carried her arse right back to the couch.

After that, we started our whatevering again. Sleeping in the same bed, playing house, basically being very unfriendly. Eureka! My plan worked, I got her back. #georgejeffersons WRONG! Again she hits me with we're just friends. Okay, screw it. You want friends?! I'll give you all the friends you can handle. I'm over you and to show you how over you I am, I'm gonna help you find someone new. I'll show that ain't nobody out there like me......

To be continued.

3285 Days of C Part 1

Last night, I was watching 500 Days of Summer (awesome movie BTW). There was a line in the movie that said the best way to get over a woman is to put her in literature. I'm around 96% over C, but maybe this blog entry will put me at 100% or at least 99.999999%. This is gonna be long as heck but I'll tell as much as I can.

Let's turn on the wayback machine. Picture it: The Hill, fall of 2000. I can honestly say I don't remember the exact day I met C. I'm sure it was sometime during the first few weeks of school. We lived in the same dorm; I figure maybe just one day we ran into each other. You would think such a tumultuous "relationship" would have had a memorable beginning. Sorry to disappoint.

What does stand out about our early days is I do remember her being the study lab all the time. The homies and I would go out and come staggering in all times of night yet every time I hit that door, I would see C. I remember one night I actually stayed in to study and I ran across her in the lab. "Man, you must have a 4.0 because you're always in here". She chuckled. We chit chatted. Nothing major.

Over the next couple years, our interactions outside of the study lab were sporadic at best. She tutored me in Calculus (never woulda got that D without her). I'd drop by her room from time to time. Every once in a while she would join my crew at dinner. I figured we'd just be two ships passing in the night.

Fast forward to fall semester of my junior year. I had moved into a campus apartment (which were turrible). I was walking from my class and I see C. We hug and make small talk about the summer. I ask her where was she staying. She tells me that it was funny that I ask because she was in overflow housing but was had to move out that day. However, she had no transpo and was having a hard time getting someone to help her move. #pullscapeout I tell her that I have some free time and I don't mind helping. She's always been stubborn type, so I had to basically put her in my car and help move her stuff. We exchanged numbers after that, but really didn't see much of each other.

*pushes the fast forward button* Now it's fall semester of senior year. Out of the blue, C calls me one day. We catch up a little bit. Come to find out she was living in the same campus apartments I was staying in the year before. I suggest I fall thru and come hang out. I was sitting on her couch reading the newspaper and saw there was a fair Fort Smith (about 40 mins away). I suggest we go. I remember us having a good time there riding rides, playing games, grubbing like heck. She was in love with this pink Yankee fitted I had. I recall her taking off my head when I leaned down to tie my shoe up. She put it on her head and looked so cute. Before that moment, I never thought about her as nothing more than a friend mainly because she was straight.

After that night, we started hanging so tough. Every free (and not so free) moment I had, I was over at her place. She would cook or we would go out to eat. I did my homework there. I did my laundry there. There was just something about her. I was drawn to her like a moth to a flame. My day would feel weird if I didn't talk to her or see her. I guess it became very obvious because all my homies would have jokes everytime they saw me. "Oh you not over at C's house" "We almost forgot what you looked like" I didn't give a crap...I was loving every minute.

Graduation came. She was headed to grad school back in her hometown. I was headed home because I wanted a break and some time to just shullbit around. C and I would talk on the phone every single day. One day we were talking and the subject of bisexuality came up. I told her that I thought bisexuals were greedy and/or confused. "So what if I told you I'm messing with a girl" #eyebrowup Now that "friend" she was always talking about made sense now. I say "well if you're happy, I'd say good for you". #schwing The chick I've had a crush on for a year or so now does in fact get down.

C and her girlfriend had a rough relationship that eventually ended. C's girl hated my guts because I knew all the secrets that she had to beg for (shoutout to Brown Sugar). She hated how close we were. Even after I moved to Houston, that chick still hated me with the white hot of a million suns. Right after they broke up, I get a phone call from C. "What if I told you I liked you" #saywhat #comeagain I tell her that she's feeling vulnerable and she just likes that I'm not her girlfriend. Looking back.....wrong choice, Joyce.

A few months later, I had a scored my first gig so I had a little change in my pocket. I decided to fly to the Rock to see her. We had such a blast. She drove me back to the airport. We're sitting in her car. I want to kiss her so bad, but I had just shot her down a few months ago. She leans in.....to turn down the radio. "I had such a good time....I missed....umm lemme get out before I miss my plane."

"Okay I tried to fight it, but I really like you. That day in your car I wanted to kiss you so badly. I wish I had kissed you. Damnit, why didn't I kiss you?" I bombarded her as soon as she answered. Looking back.....I'm glad it wasn't her moms or something. She tells me that she wishes I had kissed her but there will be other opportunities. Whew! After that, it went to straight caking. I mean the talking on the phone til 4:30 am knowing I had to be up for work at 5 am. I mean the flying to Little Rock any chance I could.

Finally, she comes to visit me here in Houston. I was like a kid at Christmas. My face lit up when I saw her. I picked her up and spun her around.....giddy like a mofo. That day after we got back from lunch, we just laid in bed all afternoon and most of the evening. We were playing around for a bit. She decides that she wants to eat some of the Godiva chocolate she got from the mall earlier. She comes back to the bed and instead of laying beside me, she climbs on top of me.

I'm looking at her trying to apologize for being so dismissal about her feelings early on. *crumple unwrap* "Yeah it's cool, don't sweat it" *crumple unwrap* She takes a piece of chocolate and puts it in my mouth. I lick the little bit of melted chocolate from her fingers. She pulls her hair back then leans down to kiss me. Now, she had been playing and joking all day so right when she reaches my face..."I don't think I'm ready for this" Her jaw dropped and it got so quiet you could hear a mouse pissing on cotton. "I'm so sorry....OMG I'm so sorry" On the inside, I'm cracking up laughing. She was getting ready to get off me and I pull her back down. I let her know that I'm just playing and I had been waiting for this moment for a long time. She kissed me and I felt sparks fly through my body. It was electric. I wanted to kiss her all night long.

For once in my life, I wanted to suspend time. I wanted to lay there with her forever and just get lost in her eyes. This felt right......to be continued.

Life in the Fast Lane

Back in high school, I didn't kick it much. Wasn't a fan of going to Homecoming dances, out of town football games, etc. I had my steady crew that I hung out with and just cooled out. Wasn't a busy body living life fast burning the candles at both ends. Fast forward a decade later and I'm so glad I didn't. Looking at most of my former classmates, I praise God for giving me wonderful parents, common sense, and the good sense to use contraceptives (back when I was into that sorta thing...#haha).

I can grab a picture of me at 12, 16, 20, 25, 28 and I look the same. Only thing that has changed about me really is my hair. Yeah, I got into some devilment (shoutout to my sis for that word) but I never was moving that fast. I looked at my classmates and thought to myself "what the heck have you been doing these past years". What have you been eating/drinking/smoking/snorting/etc that has caused you to age so ungracefully? I know kids will put some years on you, but dang. Can't put alladat on the kiddies.

I guess saying is true: if you can't be a good example....be a warning. Those folk were definitely a warning. Peace.

My Talents Have Returned to the H

Let me start off by saying that I am beat.....I'm talking straight exhausted. I don't think I was doing that much over the weekend, but still. Maybe it was the 2 hour flight delay last night.....#shrug.

First the family stuff: My little niece has become my shadow. I think it's kinda cute. One afternoon I had fallen asleep because my head was on straight thump. I just laid on top of the covers. I was half asleep and saw a little person put some covers on me, it was my niece. Such a sweet little girl.

I went to put some flowers on my moms' grave. Usually I can keep it together when I go out there, but not this time. I straight lost my stuff as soon as I put the flowers out. I don't think I ever cried that quickly and that hard ever in life. I didn't want my pops to hear me crying because I didn't want to make him sad. I managed to pull it back together thanks to my little sis.

Now onto the other stuff. I will say that I'm officially NO longer a part of the class of 2000. How you gonna call me when I'm at the airport to say the reunion is canceled (again)? How can you not come up with $50? I know that I'm extremely blessed and can afford most things I want, but still. All the weed and liquor some of these folk go thru and you can't scrounge up a fiddy spot? Whatevy. Don't call me in 2015 because at 33 I will NOT hesitate to tell them where and how to get off.

Overall, it was a good trip. Got a chance to get away from Houston for a while. Recharge my battery. My visit did make one thing crystal clear to me: I'm glad I don't have any children. I'm sure they're a blessing and all that good stuff, but I'm way too something to have any seeds of my own. Wrap it up, kids! Peace.

Freestyle Friday: The Wednesday Edition

I'm pretty sure that I won't be around a computer long enough to churn out any blog entries over the weekend. Ergo, I'm moving Freestyle Friday up a couple days. All the usual FF goodness in a creamy Hump Day covering.....#heh.

* I absolutely LOVE Market Pantry cheddar rice snacks. I'm sure I could eat those morning, noon, and night if I could.

* I hate packing clothes. Even if I took half my closet on a trip, I'd still feel some kinda way about my outfit choices. I dress according to my mood....how the heck am I supposed to know how I'm gonna feel Saturday when it's only Wednesday? I'm such a Pisces.

* I do not like flying....AT ALL. I have been praying that I get over this feeling. God is the same on the ground, in the sky, under water, where ever. I probably won't ever love flying, but if I can get somewhere near like I'd be good.

* Straight women who are open minded are awesome. I don't mean open minded as in curious, but open minded as in wanting to have non-judgmental fun conversations about teh ghey. I always like when they want to know whether or not they give off gay. It's cute.

* I think I may be on the verge of getting something I've wanted for a minute. I do want it, but some circumstances around it needs to change. I'm no longer in that "soon as she buy that wine I just creep up from behind" business. If I'm gonna do this, I'd like for it to be legit as possible.

* I've never been one of those people to cringe when "their kind" does something ridiculous. Last night I winced watching Brandi on the Bad Girls Club basically try to sexually assault the chick in the house. Lesbians already get a bad rap as these aggressive straight women headhunters as it is.

* Lastly, I know it's the WHA but I'm gonna try to have a good time. Can't wait to see my folk and my babies (heck they're almost tall as me, but still my babies).