Thursday, March 4, 2010

Why Are You Not Alarmed?!?!

Lately, the topic of discussion on major media outlets is black women and their unmarriability (I'm sure that's not a word). First, why are non black women discussing the "plight" of black women? Secondly, why is the Washington Post, ABC, etc. so concerned with this alleged phenomena? As a woman who dates women, I'm not in the target demographic for these news reports. However, as a black woman, I can fully certified to speak on this.

My main gripe with these statistics they spew out is how skewed they are. The video I watched yesterday said 42% of all black women are unmarried. We all know in the eyes of the government if you're not married, you're single. So what about the women who are in relationships? What about the women who are happily single? Or divorced? Heck what about the women who have teh ghey? Taken, happily single, divorced, gay are not mutually exclusive.

When you whittle away those women from the block, the numbers probably will line up with the percentage of white women who are unmarried. Personally, I think there are two main factors that contribute to the unmarriedness (again not a word, but flow with me) of black women. Disclaimer: Point one does not take interracial dating into consideration.

One - black women outnumber black men....period. Even if you paired up every black man with a black woman, there will be some chicks standing in the cold. If you outnumber something, you have more options. If a black man is in a city where the ratio is 7:1, he can play and play and play and then choose a wife. That's just the way the ball bounces.

Two - black women are more upwardly mobile nowadays. Back in the day, a women were less educated. Marriage was vital to survival. Women married dudes that would cheat on them, beat on them, etc. and stayed as long as he "took care of home". Basically you stuck with what came at you. In the modern era, black women are getting degrees and advanced degrees at astounding clips. A good deal of women don't need financial support like that. Now women are looking for equal partners who can provide emotional support.

I don't have the answers to getting black women to the altar. I can't say "well just date out of your race". If that's not your bag, it's just not your bag. Plus I think its kind of insulting to men of other races, it pretty much says "you're the last resort". I won't say "well just give that dude with the gold teeth and 3 kids" a chance. You shouldn't have to marry down if you don't want to.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, no one wants to be alone. Everybody wants someone stable and committed. I've also said that marriage is not the measuring stick of life. You are not a failure if you never get married. You're not a moron if you don't want to get married. Just stay prayerful and let God send you the right person. It may take longer, but it will work out in the long run.

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