Had a Crush On You, now we Kim and Cease
We don't even talk no more, it's no biggie
I was so Biggie, you was Faith
I let you slide in my home, you was safe
I thought my ability to provide you stability
Was what was really G, okay silly me (silly me)
I was Billy Dee, smooth cat but really street
Really she attract niggaz like the A Milli beat
And I happen to rap but somethin 'bout this beat strange
Soon as I try to flow with it, the beat change
Never thought she change (never)
But what you thinks a upgrade really just could be a seat change
Those lines are from Pachanga by Fabolous. They sum up perfectly some of the things I've been dealing with for about 6 months now. The last couple of days I really have missed C. Mainly as a friend, but in the spirit of keeping it funky, and some as more than a friend.
I can be arrogant at times, but like most people who are arrogant, I am very hard on myself. If something goes wrong, the first person I blame is myself. Even if strong arguments can be made about other folks being at fault. Taking all the blame is just as bad as pointing fingers. I do feel like I'm the one who could have done things differently. Had I not blown her off in the beginning, C woulda been my girlfriend. Had I not came on too strong at the end, C would still be my friend.
I miss hanging out with her. It's so odd going from always having someone to talk to/kick it with to nothing. You think of all the fun times you had with that person and you wonder "will I ever have those times again". Just like all humans, C has her flaws. I have flaws too. It just so happened our flaws together can make a mighty fist. She got hit. I got hit. I guess the only difference is she found someone else to ice her wounds. I went back to my corner alone holding a steak to my eye. Peace.