Over the weekend, I met a nice chick whom I'd like to get to know a little better. Through conversations with a friend of mine, I found out that the young lady is struggling with her sexuality. Thinking about her situation back me think back to that time in my life.
I never felt as if a person had to have a coming out party. That's strictly up to the individual. Some folks want to shout it from the mountaintop; other folks just want to keep it on the low and press on. All that is fine and dandy, but the hardest part of the journey is coming out to yourself. Self-admittance is the toughie. I think that's the one that keeps folks up at night.
I'll never be mistaken for the most feminine woman in the world. Even still, I had a hard time saying to myself "I'm gay and I'm cool with that". I repressed, suppressed, depressed, compressed for the longest. Then, I decided to just be silent with it. If I ignored it, it would go away. That worked for a minute, then it got too much to deal with. Watching everyone else have a great time dating and mating all out in the open. Wanting that freedom.
Everyone has their own reasons to not come out. Seems like the most common reason (especially in the black community) is religion. If you grew up in a church/household that was always fire and brimstone for gay folks, why would you ever admit to being one of those people? It has always been true that the most closets are sitting on church pews. Wanting to belong to a church home but terrified of being one of those people.
I wish the chick the best on her journey. I'm not trippin' off her not wanting to admit to liking chicks. As long as you're not asking me to hide under a bed when your friends come over, I'm good. Even if nothing pops off on a romantic tip, I'm down for being her homie. Coming out is a long, strange, and sometimes heart wrenching trip. A cool person in your corner couldn't do anything but help. Peace.