Over the past few days, I've had a lot of time to think about relationships. Usually this topic gets little airtime in my head because I'm just not feeling chicks around here. I wanted to do a blog post on one topic but since my thoughts have been so jumbled, I figured the blog should be no different.
I believe last Tuesday whilst talking to C, she hits me with "I just want to find someone who loves me, respects me, and wants to build a future with me". I wish she could have seen the epic side eye I gave her. All I could respond with was "good luck". You couldn't possibly want that because if you did, you wouldn't be where you are. The more accurate statement is "I want someone like that but I lack the self-capital to obtain and maintain such a person".
If that wasn't bad enough, I had a dream about her the next night. I dreamed that we got married. Wasn't a shotgun wedding, it was like she wanted to be there/I wanted to be there wedding. Back in the day, that woulda been a kee-kee dream. That night, I woke up in a cold sweat. Not because the bridesmaids dresses were turrrrible, but because I don't think that's the kinda dream I should be having.
Friday night, I responded to a tweet about how much of a cesspool the dating pool is. A follower of mine out in NC was talking about the quality of women there. I told her to change NC to the world and she has the current state of dating affairs. There are a myriad of reasons to why there aren't that many quality potential mates out there. The main reason why it's difficult to find someone decent is these women don't know want they want. And that stems from a lack of knowledge of self. How can you know what you want if you don't know who you are? The dating pool is so bad that I don't even want to sit by it and catch some rays. At least not without a hazmat suit.
Saturday night I made the tragic mistake of replacing the water in my fishbowl with alcohol. I was watching Chris Rock's Never Scared. He has this joke about not being someone's first choice. I got to thinking. The thought was I believe no matter who I end up with, no matter how much I love her (or him....fence jumping has crossed my mind #blankface...whole nother story), they won't be my first choice. Is that fair to this person? I'm sure it won't be a recurring theme, but I know it will be a thought in my mind. Then I thought, how often does a person land their 1st choice? I'm thinking maybe around 31% of the time.
Shoot, since I brought up fence jumping, I'm gonna keep it funky, b. I have honestly thought about it. Not sure how many dudes would be content in a sexless relationship though. Perhaps an open relationship would work. I'm certain that straight chicks are having just a hard of a time as the gay ones. However, I think if I were straight, I'd be married by now. Peace.