Every Time (Simpery in C Flat) *Repost*

Blog is kind of dusty right now. Been writing a lot of stuff in my journal but don't fret, I will be back with some good shiz sooner than you think. For now, enjoy a repost. I wrote this jawn about 3 years ago, pretty entrenched in my feelings. It's mushy as fidduck but hey, I was on Cloud 11 then. Enjoy.

Seems like every time I try to stay away.........the closer I find myself to you.
Seems like every time I try to stop thinking about you......I think about you more.
Seems like every time I say I'm done..........you call me and say not so fast.
Seems like every time I try to stop myself from falling........I trip over my own feet.
Seems like every time I hear your voice.........it sounds like the Knicks winning the 'ship in six.
Seems like every time I see your face.......I want to send your mama a thank you note.
Seems like every time you touch me........I feel like I just took a fresh pair out of the box.
Seems like every time I look into your eyes........I get lost with no desire of finding my way back.
Seems like every time I tell myself to stop trippin........I go grab my duffle bag and a carry-on.
Seems like every time I attempt to tell you these things..........I choke on my words.....
So that's why I wrote you this blog.

Can I Live? (My Prerogative in B Flat)

WARNING VENT AND RANT AHEAD!!!

As I said in prior entries, the Peanut Gallery has been very vocal about C. I hope that in my talking about her, I have not painted her with a bad brush. I know we tend to tell our friends more of the bad stuff and when the bad sounds as bad as our bad well it tends to look.....bad. There are countless "good" C stories I could tell. Does she have issues? You betcha! Is she a horrible person? Not in the least bit. So you'll have to forgive me if I don't want to burn her at the stake and pour salt on her ashes.

I will not apologize for any feelings that I may feel for C in the past, now, or even in the future. Even if I decide I want to pursue something romantic with her.....as Bobby B said that's my prerogative. I know all these "pillar of strengths" who were able to ax out a person the first time they did them remotely wrong. Sorry if I'm not there yet.

I find it so hilarious when people who have cheated, been cheated on, been on again and off again, etc wanna tell me that I shouldn't even entertain the notion of being anything but acquaintances with C (hell of a run-on sentence BTW). Not hilarious in an episode of Martin way but hilarious in a LOL SMH kinda way. If you were forgiven, able to forgive, open to reconnect, why am I'm not afforded the luxury of merely THINKING about it?

"You're blocking out the right person from coming into your life" Really? How so? Am I sitting outside her window holding a boombox? Did I put a sign around my neck saying "Not interested in anyone but her"? Heck if I recall correctly, I have been saying that I am interested in dating, but I'm not gonna go out with just anyone to prove a point to everyone but ME.

Neither she nor I have made any kind of plans about a romantic reconciliation. Heck, it's not even on the menu. It may never be on the menu. And if it ends up on the menu and I want to order it, I will do so. Basically I'm putting into play what I've always known; "don't discuss something if you don't want people to comment". I'm putting a gag order on myself and continue to find the right path in all of life. Peace.

It's Cheaper to Keep Her

The other day I was reading that Morgan Freeman's ex wife is supposedly getting $400 million in the divorce. This astronomical figure coming on the heels of Elin Woods making off with a grip of Tiger's change. Famous and not so famous ex wives are getting cheddared up at a remarkable clip. But is it fair?

I'm sure a lot of you all are saying well life isn't fair, but c'mon let's be realistic about this. Morgan has been busting his arse for the last at least 30 years (first film credit I saw on Wiki was from 1980). However, I'm sure if we count the plays, commercials, voice-overs, etc....duke has put in mad work. Not sure what his ex-wife's occupation is but I doubt she has been on set for months at a time, doing promos, etc. So why is she entitled to $400 million of his duckets?

I've said it before and I'll say it again: if you're wealthy, marriage isn't really a sound business to invest in. There's far more for you to lose than the other party. Then there's whole other issue of not being able to keep it in your pants. If you know you were barely being faithful before, getting married is only gonna push you over the edge. I know women who specialize in only dating married guys.

Marriage is a recipe for disaster for some folk. I can't fathom the thought of surrendering half my assets for a piece of tail. I can only imagine the horror a dude feels when the judge says "she's getting half". Watching his ex-wife do the dougie in the courtroom. OJ was wrong but.....anywho. The moral of my story is that marriage should not be taken lightly especially when big dough is at stake. Choose wisely and always get that prenup.......Peace.

Last Night a DJ Saved My Life

By no means am I a veteran in the djing game. I've been djing for around a year or so and just recently started gigging. I love djing a lot. For someone like me who has never been much of a dancer or a big club socializer, it's perfect. I get all the benefits of being out and about without all the hassle that comes along with it......so I thought.

I read a lot of djing message boards just mainly to keep up with the new toys that are coming out and to get some great tips and tricks. There's always a thread about DJ pet peeves. I used to think that a lot of these folk were just being whiny......WRONG. It's real in the field. Now allow me to give my list of DJ pet peeves.

1. Excessive requests - Hey I don't mind you requesting a song. I mind you basically pulling out your own personal playlist. I mind even more when your list is wacksauce. Then you have the audacity to tell me to play your song right in the middle of the current one. I'm sorry my dude but I'm not gonna throw in Ambitionz Az a Ridah right in the middle of Like a Real Freak.

2. The I used to dj back in '83 guy/girl - I respect the architects of this art. I know that djing has come a long way. I remember kats having to lug crates of vinyl around. I remember kats having to drag several cd wallets around. It's a new day and I'm glad for it. Technology should be embraced. So don't act all brand new around my set up. For you people I just want to tell you what else has been invented: fire, tampons, and the forward pass in football.

3. The I want to start djing guy/girl - I am far from a professional dj. I have a lot of stuff that I need to perfect and work on. I have no problem telling you tips and tricks that I know or recommending some material to read. However, you cannot sit at my feet and wait for me to give you the meaning of djing life.

4. The I just wanna linger around guy/girl - I don't mind you stopping by the table to say what up, make a request, or what have you. I do mind you all over my shoulder, all over my setup, all over me. Move around a little bit.

It wouldn't be fair to just rag on what I don't like about gigging, so lemme run down some stuff I do like.

1. Pretty girls who wanna make requests - Hell yeah I'll put on your song. First tell me your name and later give me your number.

2. Pretty girls who dance all sexy near the booth after I play their song - Hell yeah, I love to see your sexy self grinding and gyrating and giving me that look.

3. Seeing that too cool kat or chick nodding to the music - I see you feeling it homie. Glad you digging the tunes I got going.

Lastly.........#drumroll
4. The love - I love the love that people give me. I feed off of that. It's so satisfying when a person comes up to you during a set and say "man, you're spinning that real shiz" or "I like that". Makes me feel good. It's even better when the crowd is clearing out, you're packing up, and folks stop by before they leave out. Telling you how good of a time they had. Love it, mane.

Freestyle Friday: Pandora's Box Edition

* The story of the week has been C's quasi-entry into my life. #teamantiC has been very vocal in how they feel about the situation. Yesterday, I finally heard from a member of #teamC. A homie of mine hit me with the old "if you love something, let it go, if it comes back to you it was meant to be" yadda yadda. Sounds good in theory, not sure if it applies to my situation. My question to her was did C come back or did I go looking for her?

* I love fall, but I had sudden weather changes. I've been congested all this week and it's no fun whatsoever. However, I do love not having to run my a/c. Also, I know the fall Polo collection is gonna be righteous. #yup!

* I feel as if I've hit the weight loss wall. I haven't weighed myself in a long time and it feels like I'm not losing like I was. I definitely tell a difference in my clothes, but I'm trying to get into a 2 piece by summer. LOL. I may have to go get a Shake Weight or something.

* I think I want to redecorate my place. I've been living like a frat guy for the longest. Time to "adult up" the joint. Reckon I'll call my sis to come help, she likes that kinda stuff.

* I cannot stress enough how glad I am to be out to my family. Never been the most feminine woman, but there was a time where I was in the closet, albeit a glass one. It's no fun not being able to be yourself. I was explaining to a homie of mine that coming out is a process. You don't say it then that's that. You have to be prepared for questions, rejection, indifference, silence, everything. You always come out for yourself, not anyone else. Because at the end of the day, you have to deal with the fallout, not them.

Comes Back Like a Boomerang When You Throw 'Em

Over the last few days, C and I have been communicating via IM. No fussing, no fighting, just regular convo we would have had over a year ago. Really haven't missed a beat. While it's been good chit chatting with her, I still stay guarded. A good buddy of mine really broke it down to me. She was telling me how much of a change she's seen in me over the past year. How I've been really branching out and doing my thing. She says she doesn't believe C is a bad person, but she does believe that C and I are in different places in life right now. "It's easier to get pulled down to someone else's level than it is to pull them up to yours".

Those words have resonated with me all week. I know that I'm on another plane right now. Yeah there's more solitude now, but it's peaceful. I'm really enjoying life. I honestly feel like I'm on the path to making all my dreams come true. My focus is high and I refuse to let anyone or anything distract me.

Anywho, fast forward to yesterday afternoon. I receive a text from C asking could she ask me a question. I respond by saying that's cool. Instead of texting back, she calls. Said it's easier to just call than text. Her question was about disputing an item on her credit report. Don't get me wrong, it was good hearing her voice; however, I was scratching my head. It was 4pm on a Saturday, there was really nothing she could do concerning her case. Also, we had been conversing over IM, it coulda waited. Lastly, she had already done almost everything I would have suggested. I held serve after we finished talking about her problem. I did my best not to let the convo segue into "what are you doing". She ends by saying that she'll probably call me soon to follow up. I suggest she just email me and I'll critique it. Convo over.

Earlier that day, her bro (whom I'm still hella cool with) and I made plans to hang out that night with a couple other friends. Time rolls around for us to hang out, he calls me saying that C is coming too. Notice that he said C was coming, not C and her girlfriend. Long story short, C was unable to come. I reckon she heard that I was gonna be there and put the brakes on it real quick like. Who knows?

If C is in the right kinda place in her life, then I wouldn't mind her being back in mine. If she's still stuck in neutral, spinning her wheels, then she can be in my life but just in a reduced capacity. I suppose only time will tell where she truly is. Peace.

Freestyle Friday: Fall Cooldown Edition

* Today kicks off Breast Cancer Awareness month. After losing my mother to this terrible disease, I try to take any and every opportunity to support survivors and others affected. I urge you to donate time, money, prayer, whatever you can to this cause. I pray for the day that all cancers are eradicated from this earth.

* I cannot believe it is already October.....#goodness. This month is skirting right on along, but it's all good. Any day above ground is all good with me.

* If only folk on twitter used their power for good. I saw a TT yesterday called #eddielongshairpiece.....I almost lost it. Whether Long did it or not, there is some church somewhere that is dealing with this. The black church has to do better about ministering to gay folk. "Love the sinner, hate the sin" is played out. Time for some real open dialogue.

* C and I have been talking a little more recently. I'm making sure that I keep my eyes completely open. Guarded optimism is the plan and I'm sticking to it. She has been quite human the last few times we've communicated. I don't know if she's turned a corner or is just peeking around it.

* Still no luck on that date I want to go on. It may would help if I get out more, but at the moment that gets the gas face. In due time, that will all work out for me.

* Working out is awesome. I finally have a good routine and it's working for me. The hardest part of starting a work out is starting working out. Once you get going, you're gonna like it and you will want to keep going. I will catch me a ball player by next summer. #smirks