Thursday, August 5, 2010

It's Like 1861 All Over Again (Repost)

I was clearing out my email box and came across a post I did for my homie AquariusSoul's blog. She has since cleaned house and started her blog anew. Lucky for you I still have it and I'm reposting it in 4, 3, 2, 1:

In 1996, Chris Rock did an HBO special called Bring the Pain. Very genius standup, check it out when you get a chance. One of the segments was called Black People vs Niggas. He went on to say that he loves black folks but hates niggas. Well I love lesbians and I loathe lezzies.

There is a civil war brewing in the lesbian community. I'm not sure how long it's been going on, but if things keep on this pace, there's gonna be grenades launched in the streets. There is no neutrality in this war. You have to pick a side and represent. Are you ready? Lesbians vs Lezzies.....#intragenderwarz!

First off, you won't always be able to tell who is a lezzie by the way they dress. They've managed to weasel their way into places like Ann Taylor, Tory Burch, Saks, Brooks Brothers, Ralph Lauren, etc. There are rare times were you can spot them out by appearance. Mainly look for bad lacefronts, the Nicki Minaj two toned weave, wallet chains, and sagging pants.

A lesbian may have her a symbol of her one true love's name tattooed in a concealable place. A lezzie will have a tattoo for every chick she's been out on a DATE with. Lesbians enjoy tattoos but know that you can't walk into corporate interview with hella tats on your hands, neck, etc. Lezzies won't give a crap because they are so concerned with "keepin' it real" that they will work at a store, fast food joint, warehouse, what have you for the rest of their lives.

A lesbian will go out to a gay club here or there, but mainly they enjoy lounges, art galleries, festivals, theatre. A lezzie knows every hole in the wall lezzie night from here to Lubbock. Their themes include Panties and Polos, Studs N Stilettos, Bras and Brass Knuckles. You get the picture.

A lesbian will look for a mate on places like Lezzies look for lust on downelink. Lesbians have disagreements sometimes in relationships. Lezzies have domestic disputes. It's not a real lezzie dispute until something is broken or the cops come. No worries, lezzies will make up as soon as bail is posted. Lesbians can realize that a relationship isn't working and will break up amicably. Lezzies never break up. Oh they'll say it's over but will reconcile before the commercial break is over. They may not be married, but it's "death til us part". Usually it's emotional death.

A lesbian knows that a good, stable relationship takes time to build. Lezzies chase that new car smell and ends up being having 10 girlfriends in 3 months. A lesbian says "I love you". A lezzie says "but I love her". A lesbian enjoys many hobbies. A lezzies only hobbies are texting and drama. Lesbians enjoy travel to different and diverse places. A lezzies idea of a vacation is going to another city's pride weekend.

A lesbian knows that her sexuality is a minor part of her overall life. A lezzie defines herself by her sexuality. A lesbian understands the complexities and differences of women. A lezzie stays silly stuff like "studs who wear panties aren't a real stud" or "if a femme likes being strapped, she's bisexual".

I could go on and on, but you get the picture. Lezzies are giving lesbians a bad name. It's time to grow up and stop this nonsense. I wouldn't be as disgusted sometimes if I saw 18 and 19 year olds doing this. However, I've run into a lot of lezzies who are late 20s to mid 30s. It's really time to do better. I know that foolery seems fun now, but think about the big picture. Do you want to be 48 year old chick dressed head to toe in rainbow gear getting your eagle on at Splash? Peace.

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