This time next Friday, I'll be another year older. I hope that I am another year wiser. And another year better. However, the premise of this entry is the same......whatever is on my dome. Let's go!
* This will be my 3rd birthday without my mother. I miss her so much. I teared up the other day because I thought about how at this time 28 years ago, she was waddling around getting ready to have me. I thought about the joy and excitement she felt preparing to deliver her baby girl. I have had a couple dreams with her in them and that's given me a little solace.
* It is shaping up to be the first birthday in a while that C won't be around to celebrate with me. I'm about 98% certain this will be the first time. I feel some kinda way about it, but I won't let her whateverness overshadow my blessed born day.
* I had been in a quasifunk, as I usually am right before my birthday. I feel like I'm further away from where I thought I'd be at 28 than ever. I shouldn't, but I compare my life now to the plans I had for myself at 28. I know it's God's Will and not mine. I have to be still and let him guide me.
* I don't know whether it's lucky or pathetic, but I've managed to go this long without ever having a girlfriend. I've had chicks I've kicked it with or whatevered with. None of them were ever bestowed the title of being my girlfriend. I'm sure by 28, the average lezzie has had at least 7 girlfriends. Good thing I'm not a lezzie or average.
* I have no clue where I will celebrate in Houston. I don't really make a big stink about my birthday. As the old folks say, I'm just happy to be in the service one more time. I figure somewhere chill and have a couple drinks or maybe a pretty cool restaurant. Raise a glass and toast to another year.
Closing thought: My 27th year of living had its share of ups and downs. Things that I thought never would happen did happen. As much as I hurt over that year, I felt like I made major strides and I grew a lot. Everything that happened helped me realize the important things in life.....my family and my true friends. I'm praying and believing for prosperity and peace for 28 and beyond.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
You Don't Get Another One Until After the Rapture
The last couple weeks, I have been battling ailments here and there. Over the last few days, I kept having this funny feeling. Nothing ached. Nothing was giving me grief. I wasn't hurling. It was just this feeling of general ickyness. I soon found a term for how I was feeling...malaise.
Instead of continuing to sit around and hope it goes away, I made an appointment to see a doctor. She is one of the nicest docs I've ever gone to and if you're in the H and looking for one, holla at me and I'll give you her info. She was so attentive and asked questions. I didn't feel like I was on a conveyor belt. Long story short, she gave me the full look over and ran some tests. Some things I need to work on, but overall I'm in decent health.
It is well documented that Blacks and doctors go together like Porsches and Pintos. Growing up my parents took us to get our shots and whatnot. However, if you went to the doctor, you were 2 levels past Tussin and 10 levels past Blessed Oil. Basically, you were on the brink of death or your limb was hanging out of your body and Granny's split couldn't set it. I think a lot of doctor aversion stems from a lot of us not having money (insurance) to visit the doctor regularly.
Now is the time to change that. If you feel like something is wrong, go see a doctor. Even if you're uninsured/underinsured, go see the doctor. There are programs and actually some doctors who will work out payment terms with you. Worried about missing work/school? You can't work if you're dead and there's no college in the afterlife. Scared something a test may come out a way you don't want it to? It's better to know than to fall out somewhere. Most diseases/ailments are curable or controllable.
I'm not saying you have to turn into a vegan workout warrior. Just make some changes to ensure that your body is in the best shape it can be. Don't be afraid of the doctor. If it's been a minute since you've been, go ahead and make that call. As of February 2010, you only get one body here on Earth. You have to take care of it. Peace.
Instead of continuing to sit around and hope it goes away, I made an appointment to see a doctor. She is one of the nicest docs I've ever gone to and if you're in the H and looking for one, holla at me and I'll give you her info. She was so attentive and asked questions. I didn't feel like I was on a conveyor belt. Long story short, she gave me the full look over and ran some tests. Some things I need to work on, but overall I'm in decent health.
It is well documented that Blacks and doctors go together like Porsches and Pintos. Growing up my parents took us to get our shots and whatnot. However, if you went to the doctor, you were 2 levels past Tussin and 10 levels past Blessed Oil. Basically, you were on the brink of death or your limb was hanging out of your body and Granny's split couldn't set it. I think a lot of doctor aversion stems from a lot of us not having money (insurance) to visit the doctor regularly.
Now is the time to change that. If you feel like something is wrong, go see a doctor. Even if you're uninsured/underinsured, go see the doctor. There are programs and actually some doctors who will work out payment terms with you. Worried about missing work/school? You can't work if you're dead and there's no college in the afterlife. Scared something a test may come out a way you don't want it to? It's better to know than to fall out somewhere. Most diseases/ailments are curable or controllable.
I'm not saying you have to turn into a vegan workout warrior. Just make some changes to ensure that your body is in the best shape it can be. Don't be afraid of the doctor. If it's been a minute since you've been, go ahead and make that call. As of February 2010, you only get one body here on Earth. You have to take care of it. Peace.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Take It Off the 45 and Put It On the 33
It's been well documented throughout both the gay and straight communities how fast lezzie relationships go. I can't sit up here and say "that will never ever ever ever ever be me". However, I have always prayed that I do not fall victim to that typical type behavior.
Keeping it funky disclaimer: I let a friend/kinda friend stay with me for a spell while she stacked her paper up, but it wasn't on a "I think we oughtta move in together" tip.
Yesterday I found out that C's girlfriend is moving in with her. I kinda chuckled to myself because that's so typical of not just lesbians, but of C. The whole "well her lease is up, so she's just gonna move in" steez. I'm not tight about it or anything. I figured it would come sooner but I guess 4 months isn't too long.
I stopped to think about it for it a minute and I noticed that every lezzie homie I have lives with their chick. Now some have been together for a long time, some are married, and some have been together about as long as John stayed in the army. Some are actually having a great time, some are staying because they cannot afford to go anywhere else, and some are still in that honeymoon phase.
I have straight homies who have never shacked with a man. A friend of mine had been with her dude for 5 years and it was only when he proposed that they finally moved in together. Another friend had a child by a dude and they never moved in together. So what is it that makes a woman so comfortable letting another woman in her home so quickly? Is it because lezzies can't get married (in most places) they feel that is the closest thing to marriage? Is it because a good deal of lezzies are insecure? Are they broke? What is it?
Don't give that "oh we'll save so much money" stuff. Praises due to God, I am living comfortably on my own. "My lease is up"...okay I'll be more than happy to help you find a new place. "I got to know what I'm getting myself into", I don't have a problem with you staying over here and there. You can find out that I snore, have a favorite cup, and sometime fall asleep on the couch in those days. If you actually took the time to know me, you won't have to move in to find that stuff out.
Not wanting to shack up has "lost" me my fair share of women. I tell them up front that I'm not staying with any woman that I am not married or related to. Call me what you want, but that is one thing that I will not compromise on. Like I said, you can't say what you want do, but you can say what you pray that you can stay firm if you're put in that situation. Peace.
Keeping it funky disclaimer: I let a friend/kinda friend stay with me for a spell while she stacked her paper up, but it wasn't on a "I think we oughtta move in together" tip.
Yesterday I found out that C's girlfriend is moving in with her. I kinda chuckled to myself because that's so typical of not just lesbians, but of C. The whole "well her lease is up, so she's just gonna move in" steez. I'm not tight about it or anything. I figured it would come sooner but I guess 4 months isn't too long.
I stopped to think about it for it a minute and I noticed that every lezzie homie I have lives with their chick. Now some have been together for a long time, some are married, and some have been together about as long as John stayed in the army. Some are actually having a great time, some are staying because they cannot afford to go anywhere else, and some are still in that honeymoon phase.
I have straight homies who have never shacked with a man. A friend of mine had been with her dude for 5 years and it was only when he proposed that they finally moved in together. Another friend had a child by a dude and they never moved in together. So what is it that makes a woman so comfortable letting another woman in her home so quickly? Is it because lezzies can't get married (in most places) they feel that is the closest thing to marriage? Is it because a good deal of lezzies are insecure? Are they broke? What is it?
Don't give that "oh we'll save so much money" stuff. Praises due to God, I am living comfortably on my own. "My lease is up"...okay I'll be more than happy to help you find a new place. "I got to know what I'm getting myself into", I don't have a problem with you staying over here and there. You can find out that I snore, have a favorite cup, and sometime fall asleep on the couch in those days. If you actually took the time to know me, you won't have to move in to find that stuff out.
Not wanting to shack up has "lost" me my fair share of women. I tell them up front that I'm not staying with any woman that I am not married or related to. Call me what you want, but that is one thing that I will not compromise on. Like I said, you can't say what you want do, but you can say what you pray that you can stay firm if you're put in that situation. Peace.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Body on Venus But Mind on Mars
I was chatting with my homie last night and she hits me with "You think like a dude". *shudder* I have never been one of those chicks who think this is a compliment or a good thing. That's not the first time someone has said that to me. I always feel some kinda way about it.The reason why I got hit with the phrase that pays is my homie and I were talking about things chicks do.
1. A woman's need to talk incessantly - If I come in from work, wherever, and as soon as I walk in you're chatting my ear off....I'm gonna be a little tight. Can't a sista get like 15 minutes to decompress? Especially knowing that you called me on the way to work, called me on your lunch break, then called me when you were driving home. What is there left to talk about? Then why they're talking your ear off, they'll ask you stuff to see if you were listening. If you're not listening...they'll scowl and proceed to start all over again.
2. A woman's need to monopolize your time - I got love for you but I don't feel the need to spend every waking moment with you. Sure I'm witty, engaging, and easy on the eyes but sometimes even I don't wanna be with me. So why would you wanna be around me all the time? That ain't love...that's a prison watch. I don't want to be your only interest. I love sports and djing but I get tired of every once in a while.
3. Women take everything personally - On Saturday mornings, I probably don't want to go to the farmers market, Pier One, or brunch. There are times that I will want to go, it's rare but it happens. Don't take it as I don't want to go with you, I just don't want to go anywhere...period. If I ask you to play Madden and you say no, I'm be like "oh she doesn't want to play with me". If I didn't want you, you would know it because I'd be nowhere to be found.
I'm sure this blog reads selfish as heck. I want a woman whose love is life not whose life is love. I want a chick when I want a chick and when I don't want a chick I want a chick who understands that.
Bonus advice edit: Ladies, if you wanna keep your dude/chick, remember these important things.....food, sports, sex, silence. If you keep these things in mind, there's a good chance you'll get chose. Peace.
1. A woman's need to talk incessantly - If I come in from work, wherever, and as soon as I walk in you're chatting my ear off....I'm gonna be a little tight. Can't a sista get like 15 minutes to decompress? Especially knowing that you called me on the way to work, called me on your lunch break, then called me when you were driving home. What is there left to talk about? Then why they're talking your ear off, they'll ask you stuff to see if you were listening. If you're not listening...they'll scowl and proceed to start all over again.
2. A woman's need to monopolize your time - I got love for you but I don't feel the need to spend every waking moment with you. Sure I'm witty, engaging, and easy on the eyes but sometimes even I don't wanna be with me. So why would you wanna be around me all the time? That ain't love...that's a prison watch. I don't want to be your only interest. I love sports and djing but I get tired of every once in a while.
3. Women take everything personally - On Saturday mornings, I probably don't want to go to the farmers market, Pier One, or brunch. There are times that I will want to go, it's rare but it happens. Don't take it as I don't want to go with you, I just don't want to go anywhere...period. If I ask you to play Madden and you say no, I'm be like "oh she doesn't want to play with me". If I didn't want you, you would know it because I'd be nowhere to be found.
I'm sure this blog reads selfish as heck. I want a woman whose love is life not whose life is love. I want a chick when I want a chick and when I don't want a chick I want a chick who understands that.
Bonus advice edit: Ladies, if you wanna keep your dude/chick, remember these important things.....food, sports, sex, silence. If you keep these things in mind, there's a good chance you'll get chose. Peace.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Without Love, I Am Nothing
I was going to write a little something on Friday about love and V-day. I chose to hold off on a love blog until after V-day. You know, after the candy has been eaten, the flowers are a little less perky, and those diamonds aren't shining like they were yesterday. I didn't even tweet too much about it, which lead to one of my followers surprise. Glad I waited.
Yesterday at church, I heard a great lesson about love. It made me think about how many people say "I love you" without a clue of what love really is. If you read I John 4:16, you will find that God is love. A few verses up tells you that you cannot say you love God(whom you haven't seen) if you don't love your neighbor (whom you have seen). Most people have no idea of what love is because they don't have God. Without God, you cannot love because He is love.
In I Corinthians 13, Paul talks about love. More modernly, Lauryn Hill's "Tell Him" gives a quick summation of this chapter. I digress. Paul speaks of how we can do all these great works but if we don't have love (God), then it is nothing. Isn't that something? I can donate $1 million dollars to charity, but if I do it for accolades and attention without love....it's like I never gave a thing. Paul goes on to tell us first what love is, then goes on to tell us what love is not. It's easier to spot out what love is by seeing what it isn't.
People always talk about how they have "unconditional love". We are incapable of unconditional love because even though we were made in His likeness, we are not Him. We should follow I Corinthians 13 but we have to realize that we cannot save people like God can. What I'm saying is okay, he/she dogged you out, cheated on you, etc....you don't stay in that relationship yelling unconditional love. You can leave that situation and still follow I Corinthians 13 just from a distance. Know that you cannot save that person and change them. Only God can do that.
If we study the Word and really know what is says about love, we can become better mates. If we know what love isn't, we can discern what love is. If we don't have love, then we don't have God. If we don't have God, we don't have anything, we are not anything. You don't want to spend your whole life being nothing do you? Peace.
Yesterday at church, I heard a great lesson about love. It made me think about how many people say "I love you" without a clue of what love really is. If you read I John 4:16, you will find that God is love. A few verses up tells you that you cannot say you love God(whom you haven't seen) if you don't love your neighbor (whom you have seen). Most people have no idea of what love is because they don't have God. Without God, you cannot love because He is love.
In I Corinthians 13, Paul talks about love. More modernly, Lauryn Hill's "Tell Him" gives a quick summation of this chapter. I digress. Paul speaks of how we can do all these great works but if we don't have love (God), then it is nothing. Isn't that something? I can donate $1 million dollars to charity, but if I do it for accolades and attention without love....it's like I never gave a thing. Paul goes on to tell us first what love is, then goes on to tell us what love is not. It's easier to spot out what love is by seeing what it isn't.
People always talk about how they have "unconditional love". We are incapable of unconditional love because even though we were made in His likeness, we are not Him. We should follow I Corinthians 13 but we have to realize that we cannot save people like God can. What I'm saying is okay, he/she dogged you out, cheated on you, etc....you don't stay in that relationship yelling unconditional love. You can leave that situation and still follow I Corinthians 13 just from a distance. Know that you cannot save that person and change them. Only God can do that.
If we study the Word and really know what is says about love, we can become better mates. If we know what love isn't, we can discern what love is. If we don't have love, then we don't have God. If we don't have God, we don't have anything, we are not anything. You don't want to spend your whole life being nothing do you? Peace.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
You're My Bad Habit But I Have to Give You Up
I have been in a relationship for about 15 years. The first few years were pretty casual, we saw each other here and there. Both unsure of what it could become. I was young and apprehensive. I really didn't know what I was getting myself into. I decided that I would take a step back and give myself time to grow and mature.
In 1997, I reconnected with my former flame. Things got really intense. With every passing day, I found myself falling deeper and harder. I blocked out every unpleasant thought. I charged on towards our goal of being champions of this here game. I pressed and trapped anything or anyone who tried to dissuade me from my love. I ran 94 at the speed of love.
Four years later, things started to get dicey. My love had mutated into some albatross that I could not recognize. Back in the day, my sweetie was passionate, sharing, and we worked as a team. Now my dear had become selfish, lethargic, and just plain bad. My love had began associating with shady people. People who promised to help make them better but only ended up leaving them worse than before.
All this time I have hung in there. I've seen their highest highs and I believe now I see their lowest lows. I always admonished people who stayed in bad relationships. Now it is my turn to look in the mirror. My babe has hurt and disappointed me to no end. Every time I think we've turn a corner, they fall right back into their bad habits. I've invested too much time, money, and energy into this situation.
Nine years is a long time to endure such an unfulfilling relationship. As much as it pains me to walk away, I must. My friends have ridiculed me to no end. I am tired of defending our relationship. I gotta do this for me. Maybe one day when you're better, we can be together again. Right now.....I just can't. We had a good run, Knicks....so long my love. Peace.
In 1997, I reconnected with my former flame. Things got really intense. With every passing day, I found myself falling deeper and harder. I blocked out every unpleasant thought. I charged on towards our goal of being champions of this here game. I pressed and trapped anything or anyone who tried to dissuade me from my love. I ran 94 at the speed of love.
Four years later, things started to get dicey. My love had mutated into some albatross that I could not recognize. Back in the day, my sweetie was passionate, sharing, and we worked as a team. Now my dear had become selfish, lethargic, and just plain bad. My love had began associating with shady people. People who promised to help make them better but only ended up leaving them worse than before.
All this time I have hung in there. I've seen their highest highs and I believe now I see their lowest lows. I always admonished people who stayed in bad relationships. Now it is my turn to look in the mirror. My babe has hurt and disappointed me to no end. Every time I think we've turn a corner, they fall right back into their bad habits. I've invested too much time, money, and energy into this situation.
Nine years is a long time to endure such an unfulfilling relationship. As much as it pains me to walk away, I must. My friends have ridiculed me to no end. I am tired of defending our relationship. I gotta do this for me. Maybe one day when you're better, we can be together again. Right now.....I just can't. We had a good run, Knicks....so long my love. Peace.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Freestyle Friday Episode 9473150
You know the drill, off the top without preservatives or artificial flavors. Go!
* I've been bumping K-Os' "I Wish I Knew Natalie Portman" heavy the last few weeks. "I've been on the run, this shadow weighs a ton"...It does make sense to me now.......I couldn't make you love me. Too bad I wasted so much time trying to do so.
* This fast has gone exceptionally well. No hunger headaches or growling stomach. I pray that my fast offering is pleasing to God and He hears my humble cries.
* Upper Playground is FINALLY getting my shirt out to me. What did you think would happen if you sell shirts for 50% off?!! You knew you'd be swamped. Next time, plan better.
* The critter is my previous blog ended up being critters. A couple baby squirrels were keeping up all that racket. Good news is that I'll probably paint my living room a different color.
* I think this wave of frustration is finally over. Not a moment too soon, I was probably about 33 minutes away from humping someone's leg.
* I really like how my relationship with my oldest sister has evolved. We had some shaky moments, but I really believe that she respects my life (including my sexuality) and she may be close to actually being quasi-cool with it.
* I feel some kinda way about the 39th floor. Heights and I have never been homies.....at ALL! However, God is the same God on the ground as He is in the sky. This is a heck of an opportunity and I won't let an elevator stay in my way.
* I'm amazed at how some of my lovely, beautiful, educated, etc friends are single as the days are long. Dudes really should step their game up or they can always come to the dark side. *laughs maniacally*
* I've been bumping K-Os' "I Wish I Knew Natalie Portman" heavy the last few weeks. "I've been on the run, this shadow weighs a ton"...It does make sense to me now.......I couldn't make you love me. Too bad I wasted so much time trying to do so.
* This fast has gone exceptionally well. No hunger headaches or growling stomach. I pray that my fast offering is pleasing to God and He hears my humble cries.
* Upper Playground is FINALLY getting my shirt out to me. What did you think would happen if you sell shirts for 50% off?!! You knew you'd be swamped. Next time, plan better.
* The critter is my previous blog ended up being critters. A couple baby squirrels were keeping up all that racket. Good news is that I'll probably paint my living room a different color.
* I think this wave of frustration is finally over. Not a moment too soon, I was probably about 33 minutes away from humping someone's leg.
* I really like how my relationship with my oldest sister has evolved. We had some shaky moments, but I really believe that she respects my life (including my sexuality) and she may be close to actually being quasi-cool with it.
* I feel some kinda way about the 39th floor. Heights and I have never been homies.....at ALL! However, God is the same God on the ground as He is in the sky. This is a heck of an opportunity and I won't let an elevator stay in my way.
* I'm amazed at how some of my lovely, beautiful, educated, etc friends are single as the days are long. Dudes really should step their game up or they can always come to the dark side. *laughs maniacally*
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
And Critter Makes Two b/w Why Can't We Be Friends
For the last few days, I have been sharing my apartment with someone. They're not paying not a nann bill, but they're not eating anything so I guess that's good. They're been pretty considerate. Not keeping up noise while I try to sleep. Not leaving their draws on the bathroom floor. Sounds like a great visitor eh? WRONG!
A flippin' squirrel has ventured its way into my living room wall. He's just scratching and moving and chillin' and grating at my nerves. Maintenance has tried putting out moth balls in hopes of running it off...yeah that didn't work. I want the thing out of my wall....post haste! I don't want the lil fella to die in my wall and stink up the joint. I also don't want him to give himself the chair and knock out the power to my building. I'm usually cool with nature but only when it stays in nature.
Sunday I went shopping at the mall with a friend of mine. As we were getting ready to leave a certain store, I'll call it Stromnords (to protect the innocent yanno), an overzealous shoe salesman hands me his card and tells me that he also does surprises. He was under the impression that my friend and I are a couple. I guess I'll go a step further and call it an assumption.
If a man and a woman go into a store together, even if they keep a moderate distance, they're probably pegged as being together. More and more I see that goes for femme/straight women and tomboys/less femme women. I don't think anything about our (my friend and me) interaction screamed "COUPLE!". I wasn't lingering near her or anything. This was purely based on the fact that she was rocking tights and boots hanging out with a chick in a sweater and some Topsiders.
I'm used to waiters bringing me the check. I've had salesman tell me that my ladyfriend is cute. I've gotten plenty of side-eyes from dudes in Footlocker while my friends wait for me to look at sneaks. It's like second nature to me. I pay it no mind. Just roll with it. The friend in this blog is a beautiful woman, no arguing that. What if the dude of her dreams had been walking by and heard that exchange with the shoe salesman? Why she gotta be branded as gay because we hang out? If you don't know, don't assume, just let it be. Peace.
A flippin' squirrel has ventured its way into my living room wall. He's just scratching and moving and chillin' and grating at my nerves. Maintenance has tried putting out moth balls in hopes of running it off...yeah that didn't work. I want the thing out of my wall....post haste! I don't want the lil fella to die in my wall and stink up the joint. I also don't want him to give himself the chair and knock out the power to my building. I'm usually cool with nature but only when it stays in nature.
Sunday I went shopping at the mall with a friend of mine. As we were getting ready to leave a certain store, I'll call it Stromnords (to protect the innocent yanno), an overzealous shoe salesman hands me his card and tells me that he also does surprises. He was under the impression that my friend and I are a couple. I guess I'll go a step further and call it an assumption.
If a man and a woman go into a store together, even if they keep a moderate distance, they're probably pegged as being together. More and more I see that goes for femme/straight women and tomboys/less femme women. I don't think anything about our (my friend and me) interaction screamed "COUPLE!". I wasn't lingering near her or anything. This was purely based on the fact that she was rocking tights and boots hanging out with a chick in a sweater and some Topsiders.
I'm used to waiters bringing me the check. I've had salesman tell me that my ladyfriend is cute. I've gotten plenty of side-eyes from dudes in Footlocker while my friends wait for me to look at sneaks. It's like second nature to me. I pay it no mind. Just roll with it. The friend in this blog is a beautiful woman, no arguing that. What if the dude of her dreams had been walking by and heard that exchange with the shoe salesman? Why she gotta be branded as gay because we hang out? If you don't know, don't assume, just let it be. Peace.
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