Thursday, February 3, 2011

All These Forks and Me With No Plate

I've been in Houston for 5 years now. Don't get me wrong, I've had a blast. I've met some great people. However, it was a move that was made in someone else's shadow. No matter how successful I become here, I'll always feel like I didn't forge my own path. I've always been the kind of person who marched to the beat of her own drum. The person whose motto is "if there isn't a path....make one". I didn't make a path to Houston. I followed someone else's path.

I feel like I've exorcised all the demons that I have here in the H. I've learned to see my experiences with C as chapters of my book and not a story of its own. I did all I could do with that. I'm finally at a point where I can look back on it all and smile. Just a few short months ago, I wasn't even close. No more running. I realized that running from a problem only puts more distance between you and the solution.

I learned a lot about my "gay self" over these last 5 years. While I've "known" I was gay for years, I got schooled about the ways of lesbian life here. I'm hella grateful for the wiser, older lesbian friends I made here. They really took me under their wings. Very appreciative for them. The foundation was already strong, they just helped me learn how to navigate chicks. I was hella green in a sense when I first set foot here.

I know this blog reads like a goodbye Houston letter. I'm seriously considering taking my talents somewhere else. Shockingly, going back to The Hill is a very distinct possibility. I had to really take stock of where am I in life. I thought to myself "what kind of gay scene is there on The Hill", "will I be able to meet chicks". Then I answered myself "you don't do the gay scene here, why would you do it somewhere else?" "of course you'll be able to meet chicks, you're you, duh!"

Nothing is set in stone plus it ain't my call to make. Perhaps God figures I haven't did all I'm supposed to do here. Maybe I have. His Will be done. Peace.

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