Monday, September 14, 2009

Finding Okay

Over the last few days, I have been feeling a bit emo. Kind of in a funk kinda not in a funk. Not really down but far from up. I think about the many things that swirl around in my head. Most days I can flow with all it.......some days not so much. I'm sure that sounded crazy as all get out but I'm being honest.

This morning, I was missing my mommy so much. I think about how much I need her and her comforting words. I recall back to my childhood. I don't ever remember being much of a sleeper, always restless. I'd toss and I'd turn. Lay there and sigh. This would have been cool if I wasn't sleeping in the bed with my parents. Not ashamed to admit, I slept in the bed with my parents until I was around 10. I digress. My parents, who worked hard, had no problems going to sleep. My pops would be over there knocked out, straight calling hogs. My mother would sense that I wasn't asleep. She would sit up and look at me. "Go to scheep". No she didn't have a speech impediment.......from what I was told thats how I used to pronounce sleep. Those 3 little words would put me right to bed.

Fast forward to my stinks.....friends acting just not going the way I wanted it. My mother would utter 4 words to me........"it will be okay". As simple as those words are and at times I hated how flippant I thought she was being, I did feel better afterwards. At 27, no matter how much I tell myself I will be okay it doesn't have the same effect.

I know that God has a set time for us to leave this Earth. I believe that He doesn't take people from us unless He and they know that we will be okay without them. Some days, it's a struggle to believe that. Today was one of those days.

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