360s at Teh Ex-Games

If a chick says to me “LI, I want to break up”, I ask one question “are you sure”. If she says yes, then that’s it. Done son. If I have any of her stuff, I’ll return it promptly. If she wants to be a douche about my stuff that’s cool. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t leave anything that I couldn’t live without over anyone’s house. That’s all folks.Don’t call me two days later saying you made a mistake. Yeah, you did, but mistakes are learning opportunities. You’ll know next time. Nope, I don’t want to reconcile….evar.

I don’t play the break up to make up game. The Gap Band said “you can’t keep runnin’ in and out of my life”. LaconicIcon says “you WON’T keep runnin’ in and out of my life”. I’ve never been good at hopscotch and double dutch. You hop out, you stay out. I hear you knocking but you can’t come in, toots.

I don’t get in relationships all willy nilly. If I’m in a relationship with a chick, I have really strong and deep feelings for her. A lot of chicks can say they caught LI’s attention, but only 1 can say she caught her heart. If we break up, the last thing I wanna do is be BFFs 3 weeks later. Girl sit all the way down. I’m not remotely interested in being your friend afterwards. I delete numbers, texts, emails, Facebook, and Twitter. You want out of my life, you’re out of my life.

This is another reason why I’m a terrible lesbian. I’ve noticed that lezzies and lesbians alike love their exes. They’re still pals. They get back together. They break back up. They sacrifice new relationships for the sake of trying to be compadres with their exes. Be friends with who you wanna be friends with, but don’t expect everyone to clap to that.

As a rule, I don’t date women who haven’t been single for at least 313 days. I’ve gone on countless dates and chicks tell me they just broke up with their ex 19 hours ago. Why are you even here? Maybe I’m being close minded and not giving them the benefit of the doubt. However, I’m not gonna be out kickin’ it and kee-keeing with you then 4 weeks later you’re telling me that ya’ll decided to give it another go for the 17^th time. No thank you.

This may sound harsh or maybe even bitter. The X-Games are dope, the Ex-Games are for dopes. Peace.