We Don't Punch Girls and We Don't Punch a Clock

So you wanna run your own company? Not having to punch a clock, not having to punch a co-worker sounds hella appealing eh? Working in your pjs or having a nice office downtown has to be teh ossums no? Running your own business is one of the hardest, yet rewarding things ever in life. It's freedom, but just as with all freedom, it comes at a hefty price.

I decided to blog some tips and things I've learned over the last few months. Perhaps you're thinking about taking the plunge.

1. Stay encouraged. I can count the number of things that have gone smoothly without a single hitch on a single finger. If things go wrong, don't go wrong with them. You have to stay the course and hang in there.

2. Tune out the world. The people you think will be rooting for you will be the first to call you crazy. You have to be able to hit that mute button. Listen to God, forget the world.

3. There is never a right time. If you're waiting for the perfect moment to start your business, you'll die first. If you have that itch, go for it.

4. Take a break. Entrepreneurs are famous for having to work 24/7. You have to live, breathe, eat, and sleep your company; however, you still have to take time for yourself. It's okay to "get a blow" and "take a knee". Go out to lunch, have a beer, take a trip, relax sometimes.

5. Network. Don't underestimate the power of networking. Even if the person has nothing to do with your industry, still talk to them. Never know who they know.

6. Passion is sometimes the difference between success and failure. Your passion will propel you when all else fails. Passion is sometimes what keeps you holding that rope.

7. Keep a company notebook. Write down progress reports, confessions, dreams, ideas. Anything that moves you, write it down.

8. Read....READ....READ!!! Any books/articles/tweets you can find about your industry or major players in the industry, read them.

9. Don't be afraid to reach out to players in your industry. I've gotten a lot of solid advice from cold calling/emailing/tweeting VCs. You'd be surprised how many people are willing to help you.

Long story short, it takes a lot to make your company dreams reality, but it's so worth it.

Simpin' Ain't Easy But I Reckon Somebody Has to Do It

Lay down.
And tell me what's on your mind.
What exactly did he do? To make you cry this time?
Well, I will be your comforter. I will make it right.

I give good love
I'll buy your clothes
I'll cook your dinner too
Soon as I get home from work
I'll pay your rent

Girl I can’t help but wait
Til’ you get that with him, it don’t change
Can’t help but wait
Til’ you see that wit me it ain’t the same
Can’t help but wait
Til’ you, see you, for what you really are
Baby girl you are a star
And I can’t help but wait

What does these lyrics have in common? They are all forms of simpery. I'm all about full disclosure: I have simped. For those of you that aren't too hip, I'll give you the Laconicized definition. Basically simpin' is putting the poohsay on a pedestal. It's excessive gifts and attention to garner affection. It's doing the most and getting the least.

A simp thinks if they just wait, the chick will come around. A simp thinks if they listen to her whine about how her girlfriend just headbutted her, surely she'll recognize how caring they are. A simp thinks that letting a chick call at 3:17 am to cry about how her dude hasn't come yet, surely she'll see that things would be different if they were together. A simp thinks just because a chick cried on his good Polo shirt, surely she would see that this is where she needs to be. A simp is always telling the chick how she can do better. A lot of chicks don't want better. If there's no "excitement", it ain't fore them.

A simp usually has mistimed their jump. Meaning, they met a chick they liked but they didn't present themselves as dating material in that initial second to third date. Most chicks you can't be their lover if you're their friend. My suggestion is even on the first date is to hit her with a little sexual innuendo without being pervy. This lets a chick know up front that you ain't interested in going to the mall with her to buy a gift for the person she's banging.

A simp thinks a way to a woman's heart is through their wallet. If the chick you're after is a golddigger or an escort, then hey you're golden. However, most chicks aren't (or won't admit) to being either, so this is a no-no. Personally, I take the Mystikal approach "you think I'm trickin', I ain't trippin', I'm buying if you got nice curves for your Iceberg (shoutout to about 11 years ago)". Chicks are like slot machines, you got a better chance of hittin' if you put some money in it. If you're pulling mid 6-figures and up, it's nothing to buy a chick a pair of Louboutins.

You may ask well where does the simp go wrong when it comes to spending. Simps overdo it. A simp is taking a chick they just met to Vic and Anthony's for a first date. A simp is buying a $100 bouquet of calla lilies after the first date. A simp is paying cell phone bills by month 2. A simp is paying a chick's mama's light bill just so that she'll spend some time with them. A simp will max out their credit card to buy a chick a plane ticket to Vegas (where they don't live). If you're pulling low 5-figures and less, it's a lot to buy a chick 4 Fruitytinis.

To all you simps out there, a piece of advice. There's nothing wrong with being nice. If you're a nice person, keep being nice. Just don't use your niceness as a gimmick. Honestly, the quickest way to get a chick's attention is to stop giving her attention. Ignore her for a few days and watch how quickly she comes back around. And when she does, throw her the deuce. You don't want a chick like that. You deserve a chick who wants to be with you without any games. Peace.

Inside the Dater's Studio

I've gotten several great topics for my Dating and Relating week. Since I don't want to drag this out past a week, today's entry will be a Q&A. This way I can touch on a lot of subjects without doing a lot of extra entries. I'm sure down the road, I'll expound on some of these, but for now....take what I give ya.

1. Do you date outside of your race?
Yes. My ultimate desire is to be with a black woman. However, I have been out with all races of women before. I will honestly say that if I were to end up with a non black woman, she would be white. Why? A lot of things I'm into (golf, boats, fiscal conservatism, and imported beers), I find a good clip of white women are into. * Disclaimer: NOT saying that women of color are not into these things.

2. Have you ever cheated?
Nope. Before you think I'm getting all holier than thou, I'll explain. I've never had an official girlfriend. I don't believe you can cheat if you're not in a relationship. Any time I dated more than one chick at a time, they knew about each other.

3. What is the most difficult thing about dating women?
Hmm. It's a tie between insecurity and not knowing what they want. I'll give the nod to not knowing what they want. It's hella frustrating for a woman to say she wants one thing, you give it to her, only for her to run away with like her hair is on fire. I think this lack of knowing what they want causes women to rack up a bunch of girlfriends and/or end up dead end relationships.

4. Are you picky?
Extremely. I know what I want in a mate and relationship. I have a list that is organized by needs, like-to-haves, wants, and bonus. I have high standards for myself, so it's quite natural, my woman would have high standards.

5. Are you romantic?
#duhandhello! I'm a Pisces. *turns down lights* *plays the piano* Look us up, b.

6. If you asked the last three women you've dated what is the one thing they disliked about you the most, what would they say?
I can be way too guarded. I don't offer up information. If you wanna know, ask. I don't want to add you to my FB and "what Twitter?".

7. What is something you're working on changing to be a better dater?
I'm learning how to see things from the other person's point of view. I don't think it's a problem to not add someone you're with to your FB/Twitter (provided ya'll didn't meet on there). It's not an issue to me to keep your phone on silent or vibrate. However, that stuff looks bad. As I learn to be less guarded, I'm sure I'll find it easier to put myself in the other person's shoes.

If you have any other questions, feel free to ask them. Peace.

The Angel I Knew Not the Devil I Know

A loyal reader asked me yesterday about the one woman who ever caught my heart. Their question was “what did she have that no other woman you’ve been out didn’t?” First off, excellent question . I usually try not to get too deep but since this question falls in line with Relationshits week, I will answer it.

C is the only woman that I’ve loved. Truth be told, I loved her from the first time I met her. It was something about her that immediately clicked the day I shook her hand. I felt a connection to her. That connection was put on hold for a couple years, but when I saw her again, I felt the same way I felt freshman year. It wasn’t until I got older that I realized that I loved her from jump.

I think what I loved most about C is that she “got” me. She knew when I was being funny and when I was being serious. She knew when to actually listen to me and when to just tune me out. When she listened, she actually listened. I could always tell by how her eyebrows would wrinkle up. She understood that I let people in slowly. She never pushed me and I appreciated that.

Whether I was having the best day ever or the worst day in history, she was my first phone call/visit. Just hearing her say it would be okay would put my mind at ease. Looking into her eyes just made me feel like all was well with the world. The way she would stroke my hair. Her embrace. She just knew how to make everything okay.

She actually could make me laugh. For the longest, I thought she had no sense of humor. Then one day out the blue she started cracking funny jokes. What I liked about her jokes is that they weren’t obvious. Her jokes were stealth and cerebral. She laughed at my jokes. Not that dry canned laughter, but she would be almost in tears laughing. I loved her laugh. She wasn’t afraid to get silly with me. Water fights, wedgies, burping contests, the whole nine.

She took no mess off me. She challenged me. A lot of women let me get away with anything. Not C. If I was out of line, she’d call me on it. I appreciate the fact she made me want to be a better woman. At the time, I really didn’t know much about love. Up until then, I knew stick and move. She showed me a lot about love.

Granted that she’s now out of my life but she was important part of my life. I made a lot of mistakes and so did she. I just hope she learned as much from me as I learned from her. Peace.

360s at Teh Ex-Games

If a chick says to me “LI, I want to break up”, I ask one question “are you sure”. If she says yes, then that’s it. Done son. If I have any of her stuff, I’ll return it promptly. If she wants to be a douche about my stuff that’s cool. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t leave anything that I couldn’t live without over anyone’s house. That’s all folks.Don’t call me two days later saying you made a mistake. Yeah, you did, but mistakes are learning opportunities. You’ll know next time. Nope, I don’t want to reconcile….evar.

I don’t play the break up to make up game. The Gap Band said “you can’t keep runnin’ in and out of my life”. LaconicIcon says “you WON’T keep runnin’ in and out of my life”. I’ve never been good at hopscotch and double dutch. You hop out, you stay out. I hear you knocking but you can’t come in, toots.

I don’t get in relationships all willy nilly. If I’m in a relationship with a chick, I have really strong and deep feelings for her. A lot of chicks can say they caught LI’s attention, but only 1 can say she caught her heart. If we break up, the last thing I wanna do is be BFFs 3 weeks later. Girl sit all the way down. I’m not remotely interested in being your friend afterwards. I delete numbers, texts, emails, Facebook, and Twitter. You want out of my life, you’re out of my life.

This is another reason why I’m a terrible lesbian. I’ve noticed that lezzies and lesbians alike love their exes. They’re still pals. They get back together. They break back up. They sacrifice new relationships for the sake of trying to be compadres with their exes. Be friends with who you wanna be friends with, but don’t expect everyone to clap to that.

As a rule, I don’t date women who haven’t been single for at least 313 days. I’ve gone on countless dates and chicks tell me they just broke up with their ex 19 hours ago. Why are you even here? Maybe I’m being close minded and not giving them the benefit of the doubt. However, I’m not gonna be out kickin’ it and kee-keeing with you then 4 weeks later you’re telling me that ya’ll decided to give it another go for the 17^th time. No thank you.

This may sound harsh or maybe even bitter. The X-Games are dope, the Ex-Games are for dopes. Peace.

The WTF Chronicles Vol. 1738: But We're Not Even Together

Now I see why I rarely go on dates. The dating scene is just way too stressful and the rewards rarely match up with the risk. I may joke about finding a trophy wife but I'm about the point where I'm serious.

A little over a month ago, I exchanged numbers with this chick. I realized that her convo really wasn't doing it for me so I stopped talking. A couple weeks after that, I send a text just being polite and whatnot. She hits me back with "??". I figure she had deleted my number and kept it moving. About a week ago she hits me up talmbout "you must have a girlfriend". Really chick? Anywho, I explained my singleness and how I fell back because she tried to play me to the left. We start texting here and there.

Now this is why I really don't like texting a lot. I don't have a texting personality. Meaning I can come off really dry and jerkish over a text. I try to be concise and get everything I need to say in as few characters as I can. One night she was telling me how much she likes reality shows. My response "that's cool but I'm not a big fan of reality shows". Now I feel like that's an appropriate reply. It was late but I was trying to be a champ so I ask her about her weekend plans. She tells me she was thinking about going to ATL to visit her bro who happens to be a cameraman for a pretty major show. My response "oh that's dope, welp I'm hella sleepy so I'll talk to you later". Again, decent reply. Keep those texts in mind, they will be needed later.

Fast forward to last Thursday, I invite her out for drinks. I like to go out pretty quickly because I'm all about saving time. No need for us to talk and talk and talk then meet up and it's nothing. We're at the table enjoying drinks, talking and whatnot. In my mind, things are going swell.

She busts out "I'm glad I met up with you in person because I figured you were a jerk from your text messages". Me (in my mind): Immediately I regret this decision. Me (out loud): Oh word? Well I'm glad you decided to see for yourself. Now I'm trying to dead this convo because I know it's headed down a slippery slope. She goes on "yeah I was all set to walk out if you had something flip to me" Me (to myself): Say brawd, you better enjoy this free drink and shaddup! Me (out loud): *chuckle* It's cool, we're good. Let's just enjoy the drink and be cool.We talk for a little while longer. She invites me out to dinner the next night. I'm like that's fine. Small talk at her car. Hug. Go home.

Over the next few days, I would always be the one trying to initiate a conversation. Trying to ask questions. Trying to keep a conversation going. It was like talking to a brick wall. Now here I am going above and beyond what I usually do just to show that I am a pretty nice person once you get to know me. It was sorta like when a comic is bombing on stage. They go for anything to try to get the crowd into it. Jokes, sarcasm, whatever.

So today, I hit her up via text asking how her day went. She straight up spazzed back. She talmbout "I was gonna call you back but I realized that all we could talk about is how opposite we are. You think you're superior to me. Good luck in finding someone on your level". My first reaction was to go the frick in. Like no lube in. Then I had a flashback. Such foolery reminded me of many arguments with C. So I stopped myself and calmly responded "differences aren't a bad thing, I respect your views, do what you gotta do". If she's anything like C, she's stewing because I didn't throw myself at her mercy and beg for another opportunity.

I thought further "this brawd just dumped me but we ain't even together". That's crazier than a soup sandwich. Then I thought how frickin' cowardly is that? You can't attempt to tell me who I am without not even giving me the opportunity to defend myself. I'm a firm believer in giving folk the crust up front. I know my flaws and I think it's best you know them 2 weeks in than 2 years in. However, even with my flaws and eccentric nature, I'm quite certain I will make someone a very awesome girlfriend. Just won't be that nutcase. Peace.