I majored in Finance at university. I live in the cold sterile world of bottom lines and balance sheets. As with anything quantitative, either it ain't or it is. 2+2 will never be anything but 4. Too bad affairs of the heart don't work that way. I've never been good with gray areas. I've never been one for sweet talk. Tell me what you want from me, how do you want it, when do you want it. I'll do the same. No country for mind reading and guessing games (or any kinda games for that matter).
A few weeks ago, as documented in my "I Don't Want to Be a Soldier Anymore", I told C that I can't be just friends with her. One would assume that if a person tells you something like that, they mean that ya'll should cease contact and go your own way. I've heard from C a few times since that conversation, but the other night was the kicker.
C and I had an IM convo earlier that day. A convo that really wasn't needed, but that's neither here nor there. I said all I wanted to say and was under the impression that she had done the same. That evening there's a knock on my door.....I look out the peephole to see C standing on my doorstep. No call, no text, no email, nothing....just showed up at my house unannounced. #wheretheydothatat?
After I managed to wipe the "WTH" look off my face, I invite her in. We sit down. "I know you probably have a million things running through your mind right now". Actually I only have one.....DF you doing over here? "Nah, I'm good. What's up?" She informs me that her visit is to finish the aforementioned finished IM convo. Me (thinking): Arrgh? I tell her that I figured that convo was over, but since she's here she might as well say/ask what she wants. She goes on this spiel about how her bro won't let her in so she comes to me if she has any questions. I answered the few questions she had (as vaguely) as possible.
I'm thinking to myself "are we done yet?". Nope! She wants to go look at my pictures. She wants to giving me Christmas tree decorating advice. She wants to shoot the breeze. I thought you were here because you are so concerned about your bro's well-being. Appears to me, you're more concerned about our well-being.
All I want for C to do is tell me what she wants from me. If she wants me to be her stand-in girlfriend again, just say so. If she wants to screw me, just say so. If she wants to marry me, just say so. If she wants me to go slip on a banana peel, just say so. All this attempted mind-frick is grating on my nerves. Not because it's working, but because it's insulting. C ain't got enough stamps in her passport to mind-frick me.
Obviously, there is some reason why C won't make an exit from my life. I'm praying. I'm exploring. I'm telling God that whatever His plan is for this situation, I'm down. If C ultimately means me well, He'll reveal it. If C means me harm, He'll remove her. In the meantime, I'll keep my eyes, my ears, and I reckon my mind open. Peace.