Thursday, November 3, 2011

The WTF Chronicles: I Ain't Saying I'm A Golddigger...

Allow me to start this blog off by apologizing to all the straight women of the world. I did not understand the troubles you ladies go through with cheap dudes. Let me regale you with the story that caused me to open my eyes.

Yesterday evening after a pretty cool day of snapping photos and hanging out, this kat calls my homie and invites her out for dinner. She informs him that she isn't alone, so he's like that's cool the more the merrier. We get to the restaurant (Thai food, keep that in mind) and meet duke there. Seems like your typical dinner.

Time to order. Since my homie and wanted the same dish, we decided to split and order an appetizer to go with it. Duke orders baby rolls (small spring rolls) and some tea. Immediately makes a lame joke about the rolls not having any babies in it. By now I've already labeled him as a Grade A cornball. He makes some small talk with me and with my campaign to be less douchey I entertain him. In the back of my mind I'm thinking "Lawd where is the food...anything to shut this guy up".

Since prayers of a righteous woman avails much, our food finally comes. He gets his baby rolls and proceeds to make the same joke about the rolls not having any babies in them. I do everything in my power not to give the most epic of sideeyes. One: jokes about pedophillic cannibalism don't do it for me and b. you already said that, ninja.

After devouring his baby rolls, he asks for some of the appetizer my homie and I ordered. I was already stuffed, so I'm like knock yourself out, playa. And boy did he ever! For someone who swore up and down they weren't hungry, he sure went in. I haven't seen chicken disappear faster since that Pay Day special fiasco Popeyes had a couple years ago.

The waiter comes by and clears the up the check. I catch a glance at the bill, a mere $28 which is hella cheap for 3 people. Duke picks up the check, before I can open my mouth to thank him, this enwurd says us "I had the baby rolls and the tea". Duke shoots us a look that says "you brawds on your own". We ask the waiter to separate our stuff from his. He gets his check and throws down exactly $10 (which wasn't a solid, instead like a bunch of ones). So not only did this enwurd not pay for my homie, he ain't even leave a tip.

Never in my life have I been out with my homie and a dude who liked her and had to pay for a meal or drink. I've never met up with a chick I liked and her homegirl and didn't pay for at least their meal. I know nothing dries the puthy up faster than being cheap. Plus, you get in good with the chick's homegirl and you're pretty much golden.

Was I expecting dude to buy my food? Not at all. Should he at least paid for my homies food? Heck to the yeah. If you that broke/cheap, only women you're gonna be getting it on with are Hangela and Palmetta. Boy stop! Peace.


AquariusSoul said...

dude a sucka...the moral of this story--dont trust a ninja that orders baby rolls..99% chance he got a buncha ones in his pocket

Anonymous said...

WOW!!! No he didn't! He was wrong for inviting and not paying. He was also wrong for grabbing the bill instead of suggesting that it be split PRIOR to him saying anything. He was just wrong all the way around.
Its not just a plight for straight women...

Ty said...